A Divided Mind

A Divided Mind - 02 The Lurking Fear

Background music: Music can have little to a lot of influence on the mind, my background music was mostly Rammstein with some good ol' Oingo Boingo thrown in during the last parts.
Pairings: Kurt/Marie/Logan... not what you think. ;)
A/N: "The Lurking Fear" title borrowed from H.P. Lovecraft.

Finally, Kurt's name is used out of dialogue for the first time. It just gets confusing with more than one character of the same gender, and not using the names, so I had to break from the little theme I had going in the first part.
________________________________---


All through the next day, she could feel his yellow eyes following nearly her every move. She tried her best to avoid eye contact, but there was always those inevitable moments when it would happen, and it was like looking into two vicious pools of rotten honey. It made her sick just to look at him, with that little smile on his face, but it also made her very sad.

Something was wrong with him, that was as plain as the scars on his skin. Whatever inner battle he was dealing with it seemed like he was losing, because she would have never of suspected such a horrendous act to come out of him. To everyone else, he was sweet and shy, though he always had something worthwhile to say when he spoke up.

They were all so clueless as to the goings-on of his criminal mind. And that's what he was, he was a criminal. Maybe not to the bone, but it was starting to fester, it went hand in hand with the slow- dawning insanity that which caused him to defile her. Had he talked to someone before about it, there might have been a way to stop it, or at least sedate it and find a way to keep it subdued. There was still time, yet. What happened last night, why, that was only one loosened strand, he had many more, he could fight it.

But would he?

Sometimes it was much more easier to accept, to not fight it and let it happen. But at the cost of hers and everyone else's own lives? She had to do something, if he would let her.

At lunch time, a few of the others had settled down at the table, while others sat down in the ajoining den. She sat at the table where most of them were, for it was much better to stay where there were more people, surely. He wouldn't do anything with so many people around, would he?

She watched him stare at the table as he decided what he would like to have, freezing when his eyes slid to her, and he winked.

"...Marie?" Jean was talking to her, but she hadn't even heard her.

She turned to look at the doctor, "What?" her voice was weak, she could still feel those rotten honey -eyes sliding along her form, flinching when she felt and heard the unmistakeable sound of his jacket coming closer, and finally taking a seat next to her.

"I was just noticing your eyes, they look a little blood shot. Are you alright?"

Shifting her weight so she couldn't see him out of the corner of her eye, inwardly wincing at the dull pain between her legs, she turned towards Jean, whose eyes widened a bit more, "Where did you get that bruise on your face?"

"Wh-what?" she stammered, a hand--a gloved hand-- flying up to touch her left cheek. It had felt tender when she woken up, but she didn't think it would have bruised. She had avoided mirrors like the plague all day, afraid she might see him lurking behind her if she did.

The resident doctor got up from her seat, two chairs down on the other side, and moved until she was across from her, leaning across the table to get a better look. "It doesn't look too serious, but it's still bad."

"What's goin' on?" Logan entered the room twisting the cap off of a bottle of beer.

If she was feeling awkward before, it was nothing compared to what she felt now. She was very close to Logan, probably closer than the older mutants of the team would have liked, and if he started asking questions, she would have to answer them.

Next to her, she heard a quiet hiss, but didn't dare look over. This was not good, he was thinking. He shouldn't have hit her, he should have known it would have left a mark. But she wasn't listening to him, it was the only way to get her to listen. He would have to apologize later, when no one was around.

"It, it's nothing," she told Jean, shooting a nervous glance to Logan. He looked concerned, but his eyes were hard and he was looking at her in a way that told her he had a feeling something was off. Could he smell her fear?

Jean looked from Logan to Marie, frowning slightly. It couldn't possibly be what she was thinking, it didn't add up. She would have to have a talk with Professor Xavier after dinner.

"If you say so, but put some ice on it later just to make sure the swelling is kept down, alright?" she waited for her to nod before sitting back down next to Scott.

Kurt was feeling a bit nervous, hunching in his chair a bit as he slowly ate the salad in front of him. His tail wandered beneath the table and wrapped itself around her leg tightly, the pointed tip scraping against the leggings she wore with her shorts, causing her to flinch again.

Logan didn't say anything until he took a seat across from her, swigging from the bottle, "Hey darlin', you up for a ride on the bike tonight?"

Unconciously, she shifted in her seat again. Going out with Logan tonight would be a lot safer than staying at the mansion where Kurt could corner her, but then again, it hurt to even *walk*, riding a motorcycle would probably be worse. She felt tears prickle the corners of her eyes at the cruelty and unfairness.

But, if she were alone with Logan, he might ask her about the bruise and would want to know. She couldn't tell him, not yet. He would only go into a rage and try to kill Kurt, when all he probably needs is someone to help him set his mind back on the right track. If she couldn't do it, then she'd go to Jean instead. Anyone but Logan.

She shook her head, "No, not tonight. May-maybe tomorrow. I have to... I have to clean the bathroom, and finish an essay."

Feeling slightly put-out, he said, "Look, 'm sorry I couldn't 't take you with me last night, but I was only there for business, and it's no place for a lady."

To think that he thought she was upset at him because of *that*, which was so much more insignificant than what the real problem was. It almost made her smile. Almost.

"It's not that, Logan. I'm just, I'm not feeling well."

No, but Kurt certainly was feeling *her* pretty well. Tails came in handy, so to speak. He grunted slightly at the answer she gave, something stirring in his mind. The noise made Logan turn to look at him,

"Hey Crawly, you're not speaking much today, not like it's such a surprise or anything."

Looking up from his plate, he straightened his posture as he was addressed, giving a smile to him, " Verzeihen Sie mir, my mind is... elsewhere, these days." He slid his tail up along Marie's leg, like a snake, giving her an unpleasant shudder.

Logan blinked at the foreign words. He was never going to get used to that, but he was learning. He already knew "bite me", and "go away" in German; you know, the important stuff.

"Alright then, you two, I'm going to go for some training, I'll see you later." He gave a two-fingered salute and went back the way he came.

"Sehr nett, mein engel," he tilted his head towards her, smirking, "You handled that well, but the doktor may not have been so easily fooled." he looked at Jean, who was at that moment, standing up and picking up her empty plate while talking to Scott. He flashed a smile at them as they walked by and into the kitchen.

"Why are you acting like this? This is not the Kurt I know." she forced herself to look at him, the smile he had put on for Jean and Scott was still there, and she suddenly became angry.

"Ah, then you must not know me then. This is what I am, it's just taken some time to...break out, shall we say?"

"This *can't* be you, you're a... for God's sake, you're a priest!" Now isn't that funny?

"Ja, that I am. But, meine kleines, there are some things that cannot be prayed for. And, there are some things that cannot be helped." he said matter-of-factly.

"But they can help you!" she flung a hand at Jean's retreating back in gesticulation, "Jean, and the Professor, and Hank! They're all very smart and if you go to them, they can help you, they can give you medicine and therapy."

"Neine!" he growled softly, his tail whipping away from her leg so fast that it left a red burn-like mark. He wanted to pound the table with his hand, but there were people in the nearby den, and he didn't want to attract too much attention.

"There are also some things that one must do without help. How will I learn anything if I keep asking the X-Men for help?"

"You're an X-Man too, you're part of the team, and a team helps out their teammates." she paused, looking at his eyes--they were sparkling faintly like honey in the sun; it was the stirring madness in his mind. She continued,

"What you did to me, I may or may not forgive you for," her voice cracked slightly, "But whatever that made you act that way, something can be done about. Please, let's go to Jean, we don't have to tell her what happened, just that you're... you're sick." In more ways than one.

He became annoyed, his browridge set. Didn't he just tell her he had to do this on his own? It wasn't a sickness, it was the nature of what he was trying to come out, and why should he ignore nature? A small voice in him told him that she was right. He mentally pummeled that voice.

"I do not wish to hear your nonsense, I already told you what must be done, and I will do it and you will not tell anyone, or there will be worse things than sore legs to worry about, for you." He * bampf*'d out of there, leaving her crestfallen.
_____________________________________

The rest of the afternoon and early evening was surprisingly void of any meetings with Kurt. The only downfall of that was that she was having a hard time concentrating on anything. There was a constant reminder of the danger he created and still could cause there in her muscles and the fading bruise on her cheek.

Following dinner time, she was in the recreation room watching the others play table tennis, when she saw out of the corner of her eye Logan walking in and leaning in in the doorjam. He must have just gotten back from his ride since he was still wearing his worn leather jacket. He made a bee-line towards her, smirking in that usual way that said he was glad to see her.

It wasn't that she wasn't also happy to see him, but if he were to mention something from lunch, she didn't know if she could bring herself to lie to him. His senses were very keen, and his sixth sense was by far his second best weapon. Everyone knew what his first best was.

Sliding off the stool, she made her way over to him , hiding her shakey hands behind her back as casual as she could manage.

"Hey big guy, you missed dinner." Fortunate for her, Kurt had also omitted dinner time. She wasn't sure whether she was to be relieved, or suspicious. With the way he talks, it didn't sound like he would have regained his moral code so quickly, let alone his sanity.

"Noticed, did you?" he said somewhat sarcastically, leading the way away from the rec room and down the hall, "I was trying to be inconspicuous, I'll have to work on it."

"Yeah..." she smiled faintly.

"Maybe Kurt'll give me lessons, he seems pretty good at that sort of stuff."

She nearly choked on her breath at the sound of his name, earning a wary look from Logan,

"I'm alright," she reassured him, but failing to do so. He stopped at a junction, giving her a sideways glance,

"I don't think you are, hon. Marie..." he turned and reached a hand out to touch her shoulder, but she leaned away from him, "Something's up." it was a statement.

"Nothing's up, I'm just tired and stuff, that's all." she focused her eyes on something just over his left shoulder, not meeting his eyes. 'Please, just let him drop it.' she begged silently to no one in particular.

"I don't know if I can believe that. Something doesn't smell right with you, and if you're hiding something just tell me. You can tell me anything, you know that, darlin'." he looked at her with a soft but intense gaze.

She couldn't tell him, could she? 'Look at him,' she told herself, 'look what you're doing to him, he's in agony over you. Tell him.'

"No..." she said helplessly, not meaning to say it outloud. He reached out for her, but she took a step back,

"I'm sorry, Logan." she turned and ran back the way they came, tears welling up in her eyes. She ran up the stairs towards her room, passing Jean who looked after her with a concerned expression. Logan's face was hard, masking his confusion and the hurt he was not used to feeling.

Jean saw him and narrowed her eyes suspiciously, stopping on the first step in front of him as he turned towards the stairs,

"Where are you going?" she asked him sternly.

He arched an eyebrow at her authoritive tone, "Goin' to see Marie." he tried to move passed her, but found that he was unable to. Jean was using her powers to keep him immobile,

"I don't think so."

Logan ground his teeth together, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Keeping you from hurting Marie." she stared him level in the eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but you better release me before I get really angry," he tried again to move but it seemed as if the telekinetic hold was stronger.

"Don't play dumb with me, Logan. I can see through your little charade, and if you know what's good for you, you will leave her alone or we'll take this to the Professor." she crossed her arms, staring down at him from the step.

He glared at her, thoroughly confused and now angry. Was she really accusing him of hurting Marie? She obviously knew nothing about him if she believed that. He growled deeply, tearing out of the invisible bond and striding towards the front door, ripping it open and slamming it shut.

Jean stepped down and went straight to the Professor's office, he would want to hear about this. She didn't hear the snicker that floated down from the ceiling.. Sticking to the wall, a proverbial fly on the wall, was Kurt. He heard the entire thing, and it struck him as funny.

'So the doktor thinks it is the Wolverine making my little Marie look the way she does," he crawled along the wall, following the path of the stairs, his yellow eyes glancing over his shoulder towards the door, narrowing, 'Gut. He deserves to know what alienation feels like, especially after keeping her to himself.'

A twisted smirk crawled up the side of his face as he closed his eyes, forming his mind the image of the room and the bed he had a glimpse of the night before. With a mental click, his mind pinpointed the location, and he felt a welling up inside of him as his powers connected with the location link, and he teleported out of there.

The process took less than a second. In less than a second, he found himself landing and crouching in the middle of her bed, inadvertently landing ontop of her back as she had been laying on her stomach and crying into the pillow. She turned at her waist to look back at him, her eyes widening at the sight of him.

"Wh-"

Before she could even finish the first syllable, he slapped his hand over her mouth as the other gripped her shoulder, and they teleported back to his rooms. He remained on top of her and leaned down to her ear, his hand still covering her mouth,

"Fräulein Grey suspects the Wolverine for your behavior after watching you run up here. Funny, nein?" he licked her ear, breathing into it, "I never liked him that much." His hand slid from her shoulder, following the curve of her side down to her butt and her thigh. His thumb caressed the soft purple flesh on her cheek,

"I am sorry about this, I did not want to hurt you, Liebe, but you wouldn't listen. I will make it better." his roaming hand went into his pocket and brought out a small bag of ice, setting it at her side. He lifted his finger to his lips, "Shh," and took his hand away from her mouth.

She was silent, she didn't want him doing anything else to her that might leave a mark. If what he said was true, then any marks he left on her could be blamed on Logan, and none of this was his fault. Oh God, she should have just told him, she wouldn't be there right now if she had.

Half-watching, half-feeling him undress himself while barely moving from ontop of her, she whimpered quietly when he pulled her shorts off but left the leggings and her underwear on, tugging her shirt off of her as well, her arms limp and refusing to cooperate with him. Why should she?

A tri-fingered hand opened the plastic bag and withdrew a single ice cube, which he placed lightly on her cheek and moved it in small circles around the soft flesh, watching her flinch at the sting of coldness, water dripping along the curve of her cheek.

"How does that feel, better?" he asked softly, tilting his head in slight concern.

"Cold...." she said quietly. There really was no reason for her to answer, he wasn't necessarily looking for one.

He smiled slightly, popping the remainder of the ice cube into his mouth, bending down to kiss her on the back of the neck, sending a chill down her spine.

'The cold kiss of death,' something said somewhere in her head. No, she must'nt think that way. He wasn't looking to hurt her that badly, she was sure of it. Things would get sorted out before it ever got that bad.

A crunching sound broke through her morbid thoughts as he ate the last of the ice cube, reaching for another and placing it at the base of her neck for a few seconds before slowly dragging it down the length of her spine, scooting down to sit upon her legs, stopping at her tailbone, leaving it there to melt. He watched it as it did so, kneading her buttocks gently through the fabric of her underwear.

"You are very beautiful, you know?" he licked his lips, surveying her form. He shifted slightly to spread her legs a bit, "Scheiße..."

Another ice cube continued the path the previous one had started, over the cotton undies and between the crevice of her buttocks, curling downwards until it met the swell of her nether regions, circling it and rubbing back and forth along is, soaking her panties until there was only water left in his fingers.

He pushed himself back to lower his face to her, exhaling heavily, blowing against the damp spot and sending a ripple of pleasure through her that she couldn't hold back. His long, pointed pink tongue came out and licked the entire length of her, from the middle of the crotch of the panties up to the curve of her butt.

"Mmm..." he purred, his thumbs massaging the backs of her thighs, moving them inwards and brushing one nail along the wet line, causing more shivers to wrack her body and her hips to involuntarily convulse.

"Very good. You feeling good makes me feel good, but... in order to get better, I want to feel more." he said in a raspy voice, shifting again to where his hard member rubbed against her crotch, slipping beneath her to slide against it. He moaned at the simple pleasure, immediatly tearing at her underwear and pulling them off of her hastily.

Positioning the head of his dick at her gleaming entrance, he grabbed her and pulled her hips upwards so that she was up on her knees, though her torso was leaning down against the bed. Pushing ever-so-slightly, he slid inside of her swiftly, and the sensations the odd position created made her wince in slight pain.

It was slow and long, his hips barely touching her bottom as he pumped at her in an almost lazy fashion, watching in perversed awe as his blue cock sunk in and out of her. It wasn't long before his hips moved faster, and she gripped the edge of the bed in front of her to keep from bumping her head, stuffing the corner of a pillow into her mouth to keep herself from making any sounds, his hands fumbling at her breasts, squeezing the nipples painfully as he moved more desperatly, aching to reach climax.

"Mein Engel, fühlen Sie so gut..." he muttered in her ear as he bent over her, his tail whipping about behind him. It was coming, he was coming, he could feel it...

"Oh, gott!" he grunted deep and low with one final thrust, coming inside of her for the second time in as many nights, collapsing on top of her as he breathed onto her sweat-dappled neck.

Her eyes were squeezed shut, she didn't want to see anything, she didn't want to hear his murmurs of her being his savior, feel the sticky fluidbetween her thighs, smell the sex that floated around them, she wished she were as numb as the bag of slowly melting ice cubes still leaning against her hip with a cold burning.

Struggling, she spat the sopping edge of the pillow out of her mouth, wanting to get up and get out of there as fast as possible. But he pushed her back down, his flaccid penis sliding out of her as he spooned her, pulling her into his arms and nuzzling her neck.

"You stay here tonight," he said, and she felt his tail coil around her ankles. He was asleep no more than five minutes later. He didn't need to worry about giving her another shot, one injection lasted three months.

Tears sprang to her eyes and she cried as he slept, burying her face into the pillow, only sleeping when there were no more tears to shed.
___________________________________


A/N: Took me about a week to complete this second part, it was fun though. I'll tell you, I have no idea what's going to happen next, but you can bet Logan's not going to be happy. Expect more confrontation, and a possessive Kurt. :)