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HOPE

By: KerwinLS

folder X-men Comics › Slash - Male/Male

Rating: Adult

Chapters: 2

Views: 1,807

Reviews: 2

Recommended: 0

Currently Reading: 0

Category: X-men Comics › Slash - Male/Male

Rating: Adult

Chapters: 2

Views: 1,807

Reviews: 2

Recommended: 0

Currently Reading: 0

Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men nor its characters. I make no money from the writing of this story.

LAST RESPECTS

LAST RESPECTS

Elf, darlin’, I’m standing here alone beside your body. The others have all gone about their business. I know you’re dead, and I don’t think the dead can hear the living, much less read their minds, but I’m gonna tell you this anyway, just in case. I love you.

OK, you knew that already, didn’t you?

I don’t know how I’m gonna go on without you. But you knew that too.

What I really want to tell you is something else, something I didn’t have a chance to say before you died. After I killed that purifier, you were so pissed off that you wanted to quit the X-Men. And I know you were hurt that I had kept all that stuff about X-Force from you. I’m sorry, Kurt. I should have known better. If I had told you about it sooner, we might have had time to deal with it, maybe worked something out. What’s eating me up inside is that you died disappointed and angry with me, and now I can’t fix things up between us. It’s too late. It’s just too damned late!

But I’ve been thinkin’ about it. You were right, darlin’. I had no good reason to kill that man, other than perhaps to back up Laura’s killing of the other purifier. He was no further threat to us. As for Laura, I’m gonna get her out of all this as soon as I can. She’s just a kid. She doesn’t belong in X-Force. I’ll try to show her some other kind of life, Elf, I swear I will. I know I can’t turn her into a sweet young thing. It’s too late for that, and besides, she’s too much like me. But I can give her a chance. After that, it’s up to her.

But you and me, we’ve run out of chances, haven’t we?

I say again, darlin’, I was wrong. I was gonna tell you just as soon as we both got back to Utopia, but that’s not an option anymore. Even if this is a war, as I believe it is, that doesn’t justify unnecessary killing. Sure, there are people out there who need killin’, but they’re few and far between. Those purifiers were only pawns. Sure, they had attacked us. But the attack was over and the danger was past. They were nothing but unarmed prisoners who refused to talk. If you or I were in their place, we might well have refused to talk also, and even claimed that we knew nothing. Just because X-Force can kill, it doesn’t mean we have to kill without a purpose.

I promise I won’t do it again, Elf. Next time, I’ll stop and I’ll think, because of you. I remember a long time ago, when I told you that I don’t use unnecessary force. I meet fists with fists. Only if someone attacks me or mine with lethal force will I use my claws. And I remember exactly how you replied. “I understand, Logan. What you say is reasonable, logical, justifiable. But does that make it right?”

I couldn’t answer you then, and I can’t answer you now. Sometimes there are no answers.

Anyway, that discussion has haunted me ever since. And maybe sometimes I haven’t even lived up to my own words, much less yours. But I didn’t get to tell you that. We had no chance to make things right between us, the way we always used to do. For all I know, you went to your death not loving me anymore. Next to the fact that I’ll never see you again, never hold you in my arms and make love to you again, that’s what hurts so badly now.

Everyone else takes one look at me and thinks I’m absolutely furious about your death. Well, I am. But if you were here, you’d see right through the rage, wouldn’t you? You’d know how much I was hurting, and how the rage is just covering that up.

Aw shit, here comes that damn girl that you died to save! Hasn’t she done enough damage? What the fuck does she want from me now? I suppose you’d tell me it’s not really fair to blame her for what happened to you, wouldn’t ya? OK, I’ll try to keep my temper under control, even though I’d like nothing better than to skewer her with my claws. She’s pretty damn brave to be approachin’ me now. I can smell her terror as I glare at her in an effort to make her just go away.

“Mr. Logan, I have something I need to tell you,” she says, her voice only quavering a little.

“Get out of here while you still can, little girl,” I reply. “There’s nothing you can say to me that I want to hear.”

“Yeah, there is.”

Her fear mounts higher, but she stands her ground, only glancing down for a moment at the body lying between us. What can she possibly have to say that’s important enough to her to disturb me now?

Whatever it is, she has evidently gathered up the courage to say it.

“Mr. Logan, with his last breath, Kurt said, ‘Tell Logan my love for him will never die’.”

Her words break me apart. My claws extend reflexively. I want to strike something, shred it to pieces, destroy it utterly. But there is nothing to destroy. All I can do is raise my arms above my head as if to tear at fate, or God, or whatever it is that runs the universe, howling my sorrow to the setting sun.

Then I look down at your body once again, and see that hideous arm still reaching out from your chest. There! That can be my target. I don’t know why no one hasn’t done this sooner, but I’m gonna do it now. I plant my foot against your chest and wrench the arm free. I know it can’t hurt you anymore, darlin’, but I can take out some of my rage on this small piece of Bastion that I can reach. Cursing viciously, I toss the arm out over the rocks and into the ocean.

I rip off the mask that has served to conceal my face and my feelings long enough. I go down on my knees, retracting the blades in order to take your body into my arms, holding you against my chest as I so often did while you were alive. Oblivious to the presence of the girl, I begin to sob.

You knew how I’d feel, didn’t ya, Elf? That’s why you gave her that message. With your dying breath, you thought of me.

A quiet shuffle of feet reminds me that she has turned and is walking away. I look up at her retreating back and struggle to choke out a few words. “Thank you, Hope.” I don’t know if she hears me or not, but she keeps on going.

I’m gonna sit here with you, Elf, until they come to take your body away. Then I’m gonna help carry your coffin to your funeral pyre. There’s not many folks who know we were lovers. Maybe that’s just as well, under the circumstances. Don’t think I could stand to hear their condolences. So I’ll act as usual, like we were only best friends, and leave it at that. But in my head, I’ll know the truth. And I’ll know that you died still lovin’ me. Rest in peace, darlin’. And if you’re right, and there really is a Heaven, try to get permission to come visit me now and then in Hell, will ya? I’ll be lookin’ for ya.