Arms of A Lover

Chapter Two – Grief


Jean was lost. A woman shattered and broken. Her vulnerability was apparent on her face. As were the tears. Slowly she willed her body to move, to walk away from Scott. Away from everything. Anger slowly turned to grief. Grief to revenge. As she headed down the hallway that led to the dormitories, she heard a sound coming from the room to her right.

She paused for a moment as the animalistic growls grew louder and more determined. Immediately she knew who was making them. Wolverine. Logan. She took a deep breath, forcing back the tears as she knocked on the door. If there was anyone that would understand how she felt…it was Logan. He had always been a friend to her. Been there after every fight. And watched as things worked out, sitting contently on the sidelines.

He had told her once that he loved her. Right before her wedding day. But since then, the words never escaped his lips. Not once. But if there was ever a time that Jean needed to feel that someone loved her, it was now. At this moment.

“Come in.”

His welcome flushed emotions through Jean. Excitement. Regret. Fear. She reached for the doorknob with a trembling hand. “Keep it together,” she said to herself silently, as she opened the door.

She wasn’t exactly prepared for the image that met her. Logan was shirtless. Sweat beaded on his body. In his hand was his samurai sword. And judging from the grunts she knew he had been in the middle of a workout. His own punishment of his body. But he stopped suddenly when he saw Jean in the doorway.

“What’s wrong Jeanie?” he asked, placing the sword in it’s protective sheath and putting it away. He could see she was distraught. He could smell the tears. Walking over to her, he leaned against the wall by the door, urging her to enter his room. “You’ve been cryin’,” he said to her, watching as she hesitantly walked into the room. He reached over and slammed the door shut behind her.

“What did ol’ one eye do this time Darlin’?” he asked, grabbing a towel and wiping himself off.

Jean turned to him, unable to stop the tears. “Oh Logan,” she said shaking her head. “It’s over. I caught him in bed with…” But she couldn’t bring herself to say that woman’s name.

Logan couldn’t stand to see Jean cry. It tore him up. But he knew. He could smell the stench of that woman. It wasn’t the first time she and Cyke had hooked up. But it was the first time Jean had known about it. “Emma…” he growled. He popped his claws with an audible snikt. “Want me to take care of the White Queen darlin’?” he asked.

Jean shook her head. “No…” she said barely audibly. But she knew it was loud enough for Logan to hear. She had made a mistake by coming to him. His solution was always violence. But she felt like there was no where else to go.

“Aww Jeanie,” Logan said walking over to her, tossing the towel down to the ground. “Sorry to hear that the boy scout did that to ya,” he said. Though a part of him was glad the two of them were over, another part couldn’t bear to see the pain that this was causing her. “Whadya want me to do darlin’? You want me to gut him? Don’t know ‘bout you but that would make me fell a hell of a lot better. I hate it when he makes ya cry.”

Jean almost cracked a smile behind her tears as she shook her head. The love that the two men had towards each other was nothing less than troubling. “I shouldn’t have bothered you with this Logan,” she said to him. “But I didn’t have anyone else to talk to…” Her admission escaped her lips before she had a chance to stop it. But even as she spoke, she watched as Logan took another step towards her, standing directly in front of her now. His stocky form barely reached her shoulders, but she could look him in the eyes with no problem.

“No bother Jeanie,” he said to her, noticing just how green her eyes really were. Maybe it was the tears that brightened them. Or maybe for the first time he allowed himself to look deep into them. “Ya know I’ve always been here for ya. Waiting for ya. But last time I told ya how I felt you walked away from me Jeanie. Walked out and married the boy scout.”

Logan lowered his eyes to the floor. Brutal honesty was something he always believed it. Though it seemed to always hurt the ones he loved. Every damn person that got close to him got hurt…or worse. And he would be goddamned if he hurt Jean. He’d find a way to rip his own heart out before he let that happen.

Jean followed his eyes to the floor. He was right. The last time he was there for her she walked away. She still remembered the pain in his eyes. “I don’t think I ever said thank you,” she said to him. “For everything. For making me smile when I felt like crying. For always being there with a shoulder for me to cry on. For..”

But he words were quickly broken when she felt Logan’s hands grab her arms. “You can’t even see it Jeanie,” he said to her. His head shook. “I wanted to be more than a damn shoulder to ya. I wanted to be everything for ya Jeanie,” he admitted. “But you never saw that. Your Cyke blinders were set. I never got the chance,” he said to her.

Jean raised her head to lock eyes with him once more. Blue. She had never realized it before. But he had some of the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. The color of the purest of oceans. But within them, she could see the pain of his words. The way she had hurt him all those years. Flirting with him. Giving him a false hope that they had a future together. And instantly she regretted it. There was a man hidden beneath the animalistic urges. There was a heart that beat only for her.

She did the only thing she could think of, leaning over and kissing him. His lips were soft and full. She could feel him hold his breath as their lips touched. She felt instinct take over as her eyes closed. And then…just as she parted her lips to deepen the kiss, she felt him push her away from him.

It was the last thing Logan wanted to do. To push Jean away. Her lips felt perfect against his. It had been something that he had wanted from the first moment he saw her. But this was wrong. He could still smell the tears. “What did you do that for Jeanie?” he asked her. “Part of your grieving process? Come in here and use me to get Cyke jealous?”

Logan released his grip on Jean and turned away from her, crossing the room and looking out the window. “Door’s that way,” he said motioning for her to leave.

Of all the things she had expected to happen, this wasn’t on her list. She never expected Logan to turn her away. To say those things to her. And deep down, they hurt. But was he right? Was her coming to his room just revenge? Did she want to do onto Scott the same horrid things he had done to her. Or was there more? She couldn’t help but feel the fire between them. The burning that was exchanged between the kiss. And now, she had blown the chance. Logan was asking her to leave.

She turned her body towards Logan. “No. That’s not why I came in here,” she admitted. “I came in here because I thought you would understand. That you would be there for me. That I could count on that shoulder to cry on,” she said to him. “But I guess I was wrong wasn’t I Logan? I guess that door is closed isn’t it?”

Silently she spoke the last words. ~I’m sorry Logan.~

Logan turned from the window when he heard Jean’s voice in his head. “No need to be sorry darlin’,” he said to her. “But if ya wanted to just come in here to jump my bones, you should’ve just been honest Jeanie.”

Jean felt her mouth open slightly, but no words came out. “I didn’t….” she finally managed to muster. “That’s not why I came in here.” She shook her head to emphasize the point. Mistake was the only word she could think of. And she had to find a way to fix it. Turning away from Logan she headed for the door. Embarrassment was another feeling she was quickly adding to her range of emotions.

As she reached for the door and opened it, she felt the resistance. Logan had made his way across the room and placed his hand on the door, stopping her from opening it. “Not so fast Jeanie,” he said, as a growing smirk crossed his face. “I never said I wouldn’t let ya jump my bones. I just said you should’a been honest with me darlin’.” He shut the door, stopping her from exiting and spun her around and right into his arms.

Jean couldn’t believe he had said it. But feeling his strong arms around her, and looking into his blue eyes, she knew he was serious with his words. His embrace was almost forceful around her, and suddenly she felt like the small one. The one that was helpless. She opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by Logan.

“How long has it been Jeanie?” he asked her. “Weeks? Months? How long since that Boy Scout made ya feel like a woman?” Jean lowered her eyes. It was such a personal question. But with a quiver to her lips she answered. “Months…”

“Too long,” Logan replied. “I can smell your arousal darlin’,” he said to her. “The need you’re feeling between your thighs,” he said to her. “And I’m here for ya. Whenever ya want to feel like a woman again,” he said to her. But before he gave her a chance to answer, he pressed his body and his lips against her. His kiss didn’t have the same courtesy that hers had earlier. His kiss was filled with passion. Need. Desire and lust. He had dreamed about being with her since the day he met her. And now, he was going to show her how much he wanted her.

His lips parted as he forced his tongue inside of her mouth, finding hers in a forbidden dance of desire. There was a moment of insecurity on Logan’s part, not knowing if she was going to push him away. But to his surprise, Jean’s tongue met his, urging the kiss deeper into the throws of passion. His body reacted instantly, his manhood pressing against her. A low growl escaped his body as animal instincts seem to take over.

He wanted to take her right there and then. Press her body under his own weight and show her how lonely they both were. But as her arms wrapped around him, the animal faded, and the man returned. Jean wasn’t a conquest to prove something to. She wasn’t a piece of meat. She was much more than that. And he wanted to share his life with her. As screwed up as his life was.

Jean felt every reservation leave her body. As wrong as she knew the feelings she was feeling were…they felt right. For the first time in her life, she was doing something that Scott didn’t want. Didn’t approve of. And it felt downright liberating to her. As she deepened the kiss, she allowed her hands to trace his muscular back, feeling the tension of the muscles underneath her fingertips. And she could feel Logan pressing himself against her. The thickness of his manhood against her thigh was almost too much for her to bear. Another moment of this and she would give in to his lust. Her lust.

But she couldn’t….not without telling him something first. She forced herself to pull away with every fiber of her being. It was the most difficult decision she had ever made. And as he looked at her confusingly, she forced a smile across her lips. “Logan…” she said, her voice half her own, and half a bedroom incarnation that almost purred. “Not like this…” she whispered to him, leaning in to kiss his thick neck.

Logan’s eyes squinted as he looked at her. “Like what?” he asked. But deep inside he knew exactly what she meant. And it took him a second before he swept her up into his arms and carried her across the room to his bed. He laid her down gently atop of it, leaning in to give her lips another kiss. “That better darlin’?” he asked, watching as her chest moved up and down in a rapid succession. He could smell the fear on her. Fear and arousal. A combination that seemed to make his manhood grow to impossible proportions.

Jean simply nodded her head, trying to catch her breath. She had dreamed of this moment for years. Of Logan taking her. Of being one with him, almost taming the animal within. But never did she expect his touch to ignite her the way he did. Her whole body ached in anticipation. Her breathing was complicated and shallow. Her need growing with every passing second. All those years of feeling guilty for those very thoughts were being washed away in a frenzy of desire.

Logan smiled down at her, as his body moved above her, careful to support his own weight. “Wouldn’t wanna crush ya,” he said half teasingly. But even as the smile grew on his face, Jean reached up and pulled his lips down to her own. “Enough talking Logan,” she whispered between kisses.