A New Life

Chapter 19

Next time Erik woke up he was in a warm bed in a room he had never seen before. There was an IV in his arm, and he was wearing a white hospital shirt. Erik closed his eyes again and tried to remember what had happened. His short-time memories were all blurry, but he did remember the strange visitor who had come to his house…when?

Erik had absolutely no idea of time right now. How much time had passed since the man came to his house? And where was he now? A hospital? No, it didn’t really seem like a hospital, even though it was obvious that he was the patient here.

Erik didn’t have to wonder too long. The door opened shortly, and the man he’d been thinking about entered. He looked about the same as last time, although he wore different clothes.

When their eyes met he smiled. “Good morning, Erik. Have you slept well?” he asked.

“You!” Erik said. “Where am I?” He dragged his body into a sitting position and rubbed his still-sore head. He didn’t feel like passing out anymore, but he figured he was still quite weak.

“Who are you…?” he murmured when the man started to approach him.

“My name is Charles Xavier,” Xavier said when he sat down on Erik’s bed edge. “And you are in my home, in Westchester, New York. This is the Xavier-estate. You needed medical attention, so I brought you here to nurse you.”

“New York…” Erik mumbled confused. “So you mean I’m… in the United States?”

“Yes,” Xavier smiled. “I understand if this feels very confusing, but you don’t have to be frightened. No one is going to hurt you. In fact, I’m glad to have you here.”

“You came to my home,” Erik said. “Why?”

“That is a long story, Erik. I will tell you, but maybe now is not the time. You were famished and dehydrated when I found you. Maybe you should rest.”

Erik laughed dryly. “I have done nothing but rested for…I don’t know how long. I think I want to be awake now. How long was I unconscious?”

“You’ve been sleeping for three days in a row,” Xavier replied. “And you needed it.”

“I think I’m fit for another day now,” Erik persisted. “Can you show me your house? This *is* a house, isn’t it? Or am I at some hospital?”

“No, this is my home. I guess I could show you around if you think you’re well enough,” Charles decided. “And maybe we could talk. We do need to talk about some things, don’t we, Erik?”

Erik almost jerked. The look this man was giving him was borderline creepy. It was as if Xavier wanted to say he knew something he didn’t quite want to say out loud. As if he was looking right into Erik’s soul.

Erik gave a forced smile. “I suppose we have,” he replied.

He sat up and swung his legs over the edge in order to get to his feet. He shivered when he put his bare feet on the cold floor, thinking that shoes – or even socks – had been nice. He was only wearing a thin shirt, and wasn’t sure if he wanted to leave the room wearing only that.

“Do you need support?” Xavier asked when he noticed Erik’s insecurity.

“No, but some clothes would be nice. Do you think you could lend me a robe, or something? And slippers, maybe?”

“Look in the closet,” Charles said with a gesture.

Erik did what he suggested, and found a suitable grey robe and a pair of slippers in his size. He put on the clothes, instantly feeling better. Still he felt terribly cheap and poor compared to Charles Xavier. The man virtually radiated wealth, and his style and manners quickly revealed that he had a lot of money. Hell, if he owned something called the “Xavier-estate” he had to be rich!

“Come on, Erik,” Charles said gently and surprisingly hooked his arm in Erik’s. Surprised at the gesture, but not intimidated, Erik followed him out into a long hallway. They started walking slowly, and Xavier talked as they went to explore the great building.

“You must be wondering a lot of things, Erik, and that is understandable, but I know more about you than you think,” Xavier told his fellow mutant.

Erik tensed up at once. “What? What do you mean?” he asked nervously.

“Erik, relax. I mean you no harm,” Xavier assured. “I’m just telling you this to prepare you for the truth.” Xavier sighed. “Erik, I am a telepath. And yes, I am a mutant, just as you, and I used my telepathy to locate you in Canada. I hope you forgive me for the intrusion, but you would probably have died if I hadn’t come for you.”

Suddenly Erik felt miserable again. The awful memories from the past few weeks flooded back, and he almost wished Xavier hadn’t come to save him.

Logan. He couldn’t live without Logan. And Logan was gone.

“I know how it feels to lose someone close, but you will get over it if you want to yourself,” Xavier suddenly said, catching Erik off guard.

Frightened, he pulled away from the other man. “What do you know?” he snapped defensively. “You… You read my mind? Didn’t you? Stop doing that! I don’t want you in my head! Stay away from me, I want to go back home!”

“Erik, calm down,” Charles tried calmly. “I meant no harm, I only want to help you. I can understand your feelings, but you have to let me help you.”

“I don’t want your help!” Erik hissed. “Just stay away from me, and stop reading my mind!”

“Erik…”

Now sobbing, Erik leaned against the wall and slowly sank to his knees. He buried his face in his hands and felt tears flowing down his cheeks. He didn’t want Xavier to see him like this, but he had no choice. He had never felt so small and empty as he did now, and more than ever wished himself dead.

He didn’t have anyone, so why should he keep living?

At first Charles was hesitant. Erik’s mind was in a whirl at the moment, and he was as vulnerable as an open wound. Still he wanted to help this poor mutant, who obviously didn’t know how to take care of himself. Charles was just not sure how to do it.

He kneeled next to Erik and carefully placed his hand on his trembling shoulder. Erik could have recoiled, but he didn’t. At least it was a start.

“Hey…” Charles said gently. “I’m sorry for scaring you like that. I should have known better. I promise I will never read your mind again unless you permit me. Will you forgive me?”

Erik was still on the defensive, but the unexpected kindness Xavier was showing him took him aback. He certainly hadn’t expected it. Slowly he lifted his tear-streaked face, knowing how pathetic he must seem in the eyes of this wealthy, powerful man. But when he looked into Xavier’s eyes he didn’t see a trace of pity or loath in them. Only compassion, sympathy and understanding.

There was no doubt that Charles Xavier, despite being wealthy, was a kind man who genuinely wanted to help him.

Instinctively Erik wrapped his arms around Charles neck and pulled him close, seeking solace. Charles was certainly not Logan, but he was still there, a person of flesh and blood, and Erik needed someone to hold and lean on.

Charles accepted the embrace and held the crying man in his arms, softly stroking his soft hair, and whispering words of consolation in his ear. He didn’t try to enter Erik’s mind again, though, afraid of provoking another violent reaction. But he really didn’t need to anymore. He knew perfectly well what was going on anyway.

“You must think I’m a complete moron…” Erik said when he had calmed down a bit.

“No, why would I think that?”

“Look at me. I’m a wreck. A total mess.”

“You are upset and confused, but you are certainly not a wreck,” Xavier said determinedly. “I have seen enough people to determine what a “wreck” is. I can help you, Erik, but only if you let me.”

“How can you help me?”

“In many ways, Erik. Will you let me do that?”

“I miss him so much…” Erik whispered, assuming Xavier already knew who he was talking about.

“I know you do, Erik,” Charles replied warmly. “And I know the feeling, but you can’t let Logan ruin what’s left of your life. He is gone, Erik. You can’t change that.”

“He promised he’d never leave me…” Erik sobbed.

“I don’t know Logan, but I’m sure he didn’t leave you willingly. Perhaps you should start accepting the truth, Erik. Logan is probably dead.”

“What do you know about Logan?” Erik asked. “Do you know anything about him?”

“Only bits and pieces that I’ve managed to pick up from your mind,” Charles replied. “Why?”

“Then you know… that he was… what we… loved each other?” Erik asked in a trembling voice, unsure of how Xavier would react to their homosexual relationship.

But Charles simply smiled sympathetically. “Yes, I might have figured that out even without telepathy,” he said. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Erik. You loved each other and shared something beautiful. You should be happy.”

Still surprised at Xavier’s response, Erik turned to him. “So you don’t think it is disgusting?”

“No,” Charles replied. “In fact – even though I maybe shouldn’t be telling you this now – that is my orientation as well. I’m like you in more ways than one, Erik.”

Erik almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Xavier was a homosexual? That couldn’t be true, now could it? Could this man, with so much money, influence and power be…gay?

“Really?” he whispered, looking at Xavier dubiously.

“Yes, really,” Xavier nodded. “But don’t take this the wrong way now. I’m not trying to “hit” on you, or anything like that. I merely told you this so you could feel more at peace in my company, knowing that I don’t judge you for whom you are. Frankly, you are not really my type.”

Erik almost burst out laughing at the last comment. “Well, I suppose that is a relief… I don’t think I’m ready for any kind of commitment now.”

Charles smiled. “Then we understand each other. Now, what would you like to do? Go back and rest or continue this tour?”

“I’m not going back to that bed again,” Erik said, suddenly determined. “Show me your home. That’s what you intended to do, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, and I’ll show you the rest if you want me to,” Xavier agreed. “Come with me.” He got to his feet and stretched out his hand against Erik. “You have much left to see. This is a huge mansion.”

“How huge?” Erik wondered as he reached out and let Xavier grab his hand.

“Have you seen “The Shining”? If you know Overlook Hotel, you might get an idea.”

“Wow…” Erik murmured. “You’re really rich, aren’t you?”

They started walking again, slowly pacing along the great corridor.

“Yes, my parents left me some money and our family home,” Charles admitted. “I’ve never lacked anything in my life, at least not things that can be bought.” He sighed. “My parents were not quite fond of my liking my own gender, of course.”

“Do you live here all alone? In this vast building? You’re not married, or anything, are you?”

Charles chuckled. “Certainly not. But I don’t live alone, however. I have two children. An adopted son, named Scott Summers-Xavier, and a foster daughter, named Jean Grey. You can meet them if you wish. They are both really great children.”

“Are they mutants?” Erik asked.

“Yes,” Charles replied. “Scott’s powers are fully developed, but Jean’s have just started showing. I tutor them at home, teaching them all that is important.”

“Charles…”

“Yes?”

“No, forget it.”

“No, tell me, Erik,” Charles encouraged. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“Actually, it was a question. A personal question.”

“Yes?”

“Do you have a lover?” Erik asked, biting down on his lower lip. That was definitely none of his business, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Xavier refused to answer him.

“No,” Charles said slowly. “I don’t. Not at the moment. Actually, I haven’t had a lover since I adopted Scott and took care of Jean. Nothing means more to me than they do. I suppose I’m not meant to have a relationship.”

“How old are you?” Erik couldn’t help asking.

“Fifty,” Charles replied with a smile. “Like you.”

“I’ll be fifty-one in a few weeks,” Erik said.

“Then you’re a bit older than I am. I was born in 1934. You were born in 1933?”

“Yes. And I nearly died during the war. Logan saved me, and I lived with him ever since. 40 years together… and now…nothing. It’s so unfair.”

“You still have your memories, Erik. At least it’s something. They will always be with you.”

“That’s a nice philosophy, but… I don’t know if only memories are enough. I really didn’t think I could live without Logan. He was everything that ever mattered to me.”

Xavier suddenly stopped, and gently grabbed Erik by his shoulders.

“You can stay here if you wish,” he said seriously. “I think I’d like to have someone my own age around. I promised to help you, and I will. Think about it,k. Ik. I won’t let you down. You have my word.”

Erik didn’t know what to say. He was overwhelmed. Did Xavier really offer him to move in here? Why on the earth did he do that? They barely knew each other.

“That is very kind of you, Charles…” he stuttered. “But I don’t know… We just met, I mean… I’m really grateful, Charles, I am. But I’ve lived in Canada for almost all my life. I don’t know if…”

Charles silenced him with a gesture. “You don’t have to decide that now, Erik. Stay here until you’re well, and think about it. My offer remains.”

“Alright, I will…” Erik whispered.

“Do you want me to show you the rest of the house now, or would you like to go back to your room?”

“If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to rest,” Erik sighed. “I guess I’m still weak.”

“You are,” Charles agreed. “Let me walk you back.”

Charles had only shown Erik one floor, and he had much left to see. Not to mention the lower levels, e hie his “project” was, still unfinished and still not in working order after all t yea years. Probably it would never be, but he was going to show it to Erik.

If it *had* been working, he could have located mutants across the planet without any kind of difficulties. But no. There was something missing, probably some small detail, and Charles would never know what.

He followed the other mutant back to his room, and tucked Erik in. He thought Erik was beautiful, despite being underweight and feeble. Charles liked his thick, dark locks, and tried to imagine how they would feel it in hands.

“Now sleep,” Charles said and rested his hand briefly on Erik’s forehead, simply as an excuse to touch him. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.”

“Thank you…” Erik murmured, already half-asleep. He was overwhelmed by the kindness this man was showing him, and knew he could never repay Xavier. But why? Why him of all mutants? Why had Charles Xavier chosen him?

Charles silently left the room when Erik had fallen asleep. The word “why” reached his mind a few times before he raised his shields, but he decided not to pay any attention to it now. Erik needed to rest, and so did Charles.


TBC