Playing with Fire

Okay, it's been a while, but here's chapter 18. Hope you guys are still out there reading. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. They keep me coming back to plug away at this when my confidence gets low.

You should all be glad, I've finally acquired myself a beta reader. Thanks much to Sue Penkivech for going over this for me. Hopefully I didn't scare her away and she'll come back and do it again for the next chapter. *G*

Warning - this is a LONG chapter, and fairly intense as well. Hope you enjoy.


INTO THE WOODS


Lengthening her stride again, Kitty came rapidly to the edge of the clearing by the 'meeting oak' - almost jogging in her haste by the time she arrived. She had an apology already on her lips as she stepped out of the trees into the last of the afternoon sun at the clearing's edge. An apology that died in her throat as she looked around, crushed, at the empty glade before her. He hadn't waited. Sure she was late, but...but he should have *known* she'd come as soon as she could.

_Why didn't he wait?_ she thought, instantly despising the self-pitying whine in the back of her mind. She felt a tell-tale burning begin behind her eyes and squeezed them shut against the tears that she would *not* let fall. She wouldn't cry just because he hadn't waited for her. She just...wouldn't.

Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes, valiantly ignoring the two fat tears that trailed down her flushed cheeks. She cast a last, forlorn glance around the empty woods, her eyes sliding almost sightlessly across the place beneath the oak where she'd expected him to be waiting. Almost sightlessly...but not quite.

A flicker of movement in the shade at the base of the tree caught her attention and she stepped closer, squinting against the filtered sunlight in the clearing as peered into the darkness on the other side. There it was again. She felt her face crease in a grin as she identified the source of the movement - a gently swaying blue tail. Further scrutiny revealed that it was undulating languidly in the air above its owner, who appeared to be sound asleep in the grass at the base of the tree.

_I think I could get really sick of the disappearing into shadows thing,_ she thought, barely suppressing a snort of irritation. _Jeez, it's not like he's even wearing dark colors._

And it was true. Khakis and a light blue button-down should *not* have been near invisible in the light shade beneath the oak. On anyone else they wouldn't have been.

_On Kurt they might as bloody well be camo. I just wish I knew how the heck it works._ She was still smiling, despite her irritation, as she stepped quietly across the open ground. She took pains to make no noise that might wake him. _He looks so darn cute lying there, and he needs the sleep. Besides,_ her smile turned into a wicked grin, _how can I pass up this kind of opportunity? Bobby and Ev'd *kill* for this shot._

She took quick stock of the flowers in her arms as she came to a halt at his feet, glad she hadn't dropped them in her distress. _Too bad I don't have a camera. This would make a great blackmail opportunity._

She stood for a moment, studying his sleeping form and considering just where to begin. So long as he didn't wake before she was finished, it should be well worth the effort. She was so lost in thought that she didn't even notice the purposeful movement of his tail until a warm velvet rope wrapped firmly around her forearm. She looked down in surprise and then up again just in time to meet a pair of laughing golden eyes as a gentle tug overbalanced her and sent her tumbling gracelessly into his outstretched arms, accompanied by a shriek of surprise and a cascade of flowers.

"For me liebchen?" he asked in a throaty purr as he swept up a small handful of colorful blooms and waved them in front of her face. "I've never had a girl bring me flowers before. I am _terribly_ flattered." His voice was light and playful and she could envision his Cheshire Cat grin without even having to look up and see it. She couldn't quite decide whether to be more irritated or amused until he turned his head to meet her eyes, smirking just as she'd known he would be, and asked, "You didn't actually think you were going to sneak up on me, did you? I've known where you were since you first entered the woods."

"You mean you weren't even asleep?" she asked in an incredulous squeal. "You knew I was there the whole time you...you faker!" She was grinning now too - she couldn't help it, his amusement was infectious. Besides, she enjoyed the easy camaraderie of his banter. The feel of his strong, warm body stretched out beneath her certainly didn't hurt either.

"How could I not have known, Liebe? You sounded like an expeditionary force coming through the trees." The way his lips twitched as he tried, without success, to suppress his grin took what little sting there was out of his words. None the less she put on a stern expression and mustered all the indignation she could manage under the circumstances. "I did *not* sound like an...an *expeditionary force* Fuzzy! It's just those darn pointy ears of yours - you're almost as bad as Mr. Logan."

"Liebe, you are many things, but stealthy is not one of them. You woke me as soon as you reached the edge of the woods. And with all the stomping and scuffling I really didn't need enhanced senses. Even Jamie would have had trouble missing your arrival."


"Not stealthy?" She pushed up to kneel above him, eyes dancing with mischief and picking idly at the flowers still caught in his disheveled indigo hair. "I'll have you know, Kurt Josef Wagner, that I can be as _stealthy_ as you if I want to be. I just...wasn't trying." Okay, so it was a lie. She knew it, he knew it, but what else could she say to a comment like that? Besides, she didn't want to stop the teasing just now, didn't want to move on to more complicated things.

A raised eyebrow and a disbelieving snort were, all in all, a less than flattering response, but pretty much what she'd expected. She chose to take them as a challenge.

"You don't believe me? Fine then, I'll prove it." The words were out of her mouth before she even realized the thought had crossed her mind. _Oh great, now I'm going to have to stay out of sight long enough to at least not humiliate myself._

His other eyebrow crept up to join the first. _How the heck does he do that?_

"And exactly how do you plan to do that, meine liebe?"

She almost pinched him just to get the self-satisfied smirk off his face. Instead she restrained herself and looked speculatively at the sky and the shadows stretching between the trees before answering. It was still quite light - she guessed they had at least an hour, maybe more, before it became dark beneath the trees. They'd probably miss dinner, but now that Mrs. Ramirez was back there were bound to be plenty of leftovers in the commercial fridge in the main kitchen.

_Oh well, what the hell._

"You. Me. Hide and seek. Here and now," she announced cheerfully. "I'll hide and you have to find me - but you have to go by sound only. If I'm as noisy as you claim it'll be a piece of cake."

"Hide and seek?" he repeated, his face blank and his tone somewhat disbelieving. "We're *alone* for the first time all week," he lifted his hips slightly for emphasis and her eyes widened slightly as her breath caught in her throat, "and *you* want to play _hide and seek?_" Sitting astride his hips as she was, she was acutely aware of his...interest...in her. She had no doubt of exactly what he'd had planned for their time alone, and really, she didn't object in the least, but she was actually having fun for what felt like the first time in a long while.

"Yep!" she grinned and answered with as much enthusiasm as she could manage given that her weight was resting directly over his all too obvious erection. He blinked up at her for a moment and she wondered if she'd miscalculated. _Does he think I've completely lost my mind?_ Then his face broke slowly into an answering grin as he sat up in a rain of flowers, catching her effortlessly against his chest as she tumbled backwards.

"Hide and seek it is, meine schonheit," he agreed, laughing, before crushing her lips in a brief, burning kiss. Then he was surging gracefully to his feet and taking her with him. "How high do you want me to count?" he asked, setting her lightly on her feet. "Will one hundred do?"

She took a moment to catch her breath before answering. "One hundred's fine Fuzzy. Just remember, you're going by sound only and *no powers*."

"I shall endeavor to keep that most firmly in mind Kaetzchen." He seized her hand gently in one of his own and placed a feather light kiss in the center of her palm. Such a simple thing, something he'd done jokingly countless times before and she'd brushed off just as often, but now...she felt her breath come short for a moment and wondered if she *really* wanted to waste any of their time together on a child's game. Before the thought had time to fully form though, he was pushing her gently away and closing his eyes.

"Go on Liebe," he told her, gleaming fangs bright in his indigo face. "You'll need all the time you can get, but rest assured that it will be a very short game."

"Oh you...." She cut off and turned to go as he began to count slowly in German. He was *so* going to pay for his over-confidence. If not now, then later for sure.


Kurt was more than a little surprised at his own enthusiasm for Kitty's game. It wasn't at all how he'd expected to spend their time together, but...it was amazingly good to see that smile on her face, the mischief in her eyes - and oh the challenge in her voice. Too bad it was going to be such a brief and humiliating experience for her. It was, truth be told, good to forget everything else and just play. _And besides,_ he thought as a wicked smirk spread across his face, _it's not as if this game is going to last very long - and there is something to be said for the thrill of the chase._

It shouldn't take much more than four or five minutes to disabuse her of the delusion that she could actually _hide_ from him. His senses might be nowhere near as acute as Logan's, but they would be more than sufficient to lead him straight to her. _It's just as well I didn't tell her that I caught her scent on the breeze as well. She might have tried to limit me to sniffing her out, and that wouldn't be nearly so easy - not unless the wind's blowing just right anyway._

"Funfundneunzig, sechsundneunzig...." He let his voice boom out across the trees as he neared the end. He wanted her to have plenty of warning that he was coming. He'd been listening closely ever since she'd made her way out of the clearing and he was fairly certainthe the direction to begin looking. Even over his own loud counting, he'd been able to catch the faint rustle of branches and snap of twigs as she moved cautiously to the south. Had it been fall rather than spring the task would have been even easier as she tried to make her way through dry underbrush. At least everything now was green and supple.

"Hundert!" He bellowed for her benefit. "Ready or not, here I come."

In the silence that followed he kept his eyes closed and stood still, just listening. He wondered briefly if she realized that her insistence on no powers was far more of a handicap for herself her than it was for him. When intangible she was, after all, absolutely silent. Now, however...a slow grin twitched at the corners of his mouth as he caught the tell-tale sound of feet shifting restlessly. As he'd hoped, the sudden silence must have unnerved her and she was having trouble keeping absolutely still.

He started cautiously in her direction - south, just as he'd thought - his bare feet almost noiseless as they moved through the new spring growth. As he approached her hiding place he could hear the sound of her light, even breathing join the intermittent shuffling of her feet. A few more steps and he could see the tree she must be hiding behind. His smile grew wide in triumph and he suppressed a chuckle as he glanced at his watch. No more than three minutes so far. Still moving silently, he placed one hand on the rough bark of the tree trunk and leaned around it to stare into wide, startled blue eyes.

"You," he announced cheerfully, "are it," and he leaned in closer for a swift kiss in lieu of tagging her.

The surprise in her eyes had been replaced by mischief again by the time he pulled back, and now he did laugh. "No contest Liebe," he told her. "None at all."

"You better not have cheated Fuzzy," she told him warningly as she pulled away from him to look, laughing, into his eyes. Her ponytail bounced as she tossed her head in aggravation and he reached out to give it a gentle tug.

"Me cheat? Never!" he proclaimed indignantly. "Well, not too often anyway," he qualified quickly, golden eyes dancing as he let his mouth tip into an impish grin. "And only when I'm *certain* that Logan won't find out," he added in a broad stage-whisper. "Besides Liebe," and he leaned in closer again, "why would I need to cheat when you sound like a herd of wildebeast thundering across the plains?"

He jumped back just in time to avoid the slap that he'd guessed was coming and grinned at her irked expression.

"You insufferable little *snot*!" she exclaimed, her cheeks flushing and her brows drawing together in irritation.

"But you love me anyway, ja?" and laughing, he danced back out of her reach.

"I'll give you a herd of wildebeast! Will you just stand still so I can smack you one?" she demanded, lunging for him again.

"What kind of question is that Liebe?" he asked, still staying just out of range as she began to chase him through the trees. "I have much too well-developed a sense of self-preservation to respond to that."

She might be laughing and this might be a game, but that didn't necessarily mean that she wouldn't smack him around a bit if she got her hands on him - all in good fun of course, but he could do without it really. It was good though, to hear the laughter in her voice and see the color in her cheeks as she dodged through the trees after him. There'd been too little of that around the mansion lately.

"Come on Kurt, I won't hurt you -- much," she called breathlessly as he ducked behind a tree. She looked positively predatory as she stalked him and he couldn't keep the grin off his face. The blood was positively singing through his veins as he spun and danced to keep just barely out of her reach.

"It's that 'much' that worries me, Schatz. I need all the bits I have, thanks, and I don't really want to find out just what you mean by 'much.'"

"Chicken!"

"I prefer to think of it as discretion!" he replied as he ducked behind yet another tree.

He waited for her response but none was immediately forthcoming. In the sudden silence he realized that the sound of her footsteps and her breathless laughter had both ceased. He put two and two together quickly, but not quickly enough. He was just tensing to 'port to safety when a slender hand darted out of the tree trunk directly in front of him and clutched at the front of his shirt. It was shortly followed by the rest of Kitty Pryde, eyes alight and face fixed in a triumphant smile.

"Scheisse!" he exclaimed as he tried unsuccessfully to backpedal out of her grip. "What happened to no powers Kaetzchen?"

"That's what you get for getting cocky Fuzzy," she positively crowed. "And no powers was for hide and seek - *that* was tag."

She was so obviously pleased with herself that he couldn't quite manage to be truly irritated with either her or his miscalculation. Instead, he decided to play up to her triumph - and perhaps distract her from any desire to cause him bodily harm, serious or otherwise.

"Please don't hurt me," he quavered in his best approximation of the helpless heroine from a bad melodrama - which wasn't very good, truth to tell, if only because of the laughter he couldn't quite suppress. The effort wasn't wasted though, as she caught on quickly and joined in - admittedly with more enthusiasm than skill. Twirling an imaginary mustache, she smirked evilly and used her continued hold on his shirt front to spin him roughly and push him back against the tree.

"Oh, like I said, I won't hurt you -much - my dear." She'd pitched her voice as low as she could get it, which wasn't very, and was trying with even less success than he'd had to sound cold and menacing. His laughter finally broke out in breathless peals at the warped image of a Dudley Doright cartoon that the whole exchange brought to mind. Her continued attempt to look menacing certainly didn't help.

"Oh Gott, you should...you should have seen...your face!" he managed to gasp out between thoroughly undignified fits of giggles as he collapsed back against the tree, pulling her with him by dint of her continued hold on his shirt front. Not that he minded in the least. The feel of her pressed up against him like that was well worth a minor, and rather amusing, defeat at her hands. Hands that suddenly let go their grip on his shirt front and drifted down to settle firmly on his hips.

His laughter faded to gasps as she stretched slightly up on tiptoe, steadying herself with her hands, and tipped her head back to brush her lips lightly along his jaw. He could smell her now, soap and shampoo overlain with a musky hint of sweat and all three mingled with the fresh scent of spring all around. Leaning down to meet her he let his eyes slip shut as their lips met...and parted...and oh God he loved that hint of strawberries.

She pressed herself more tightly against him and he gasped at the feel of her knee slipping between his thighs, her softly rounded hip pressing into his groin. He drew her bottom lip between his teeth, nipping it lightly and then soothing the spot with a soft pass of his tongue. His hands lowered of their own accord to cup her backside, using the grip to clutch her more tightly to him. So close now, he could feel the beating of her heart where her breasts pressed against his chest.

As he took her weight on his hands she shifted her grip, sliding her hands around and down across his ass before letting them slip up the back of his shirt where it had come untucked during their chase. He didn't even try to stop the purr that started in his chest as she dug her nails through the short nap of his fur and dragged them up along his back, forcing their way between him and the rough bark of the tree at his back.

He felt her lips curve against his in a smile at the same time that her body began to vibrate with laughter. He pulled back in surprise, smiling bemusedly down at her. "Was ist so funny Kaetzchen?" he asked, his voice low and rough. Her only answer was to pull her hands out of his shirt, slap him lightly on the ass and push herself sharply out of his grip, laughing like a maniac.

"Tag," she managed to gasp out as she staggered bout out of his reach, a truly wicked smile on her face. "You are *so* it."

"Kaetzchen," he began, somewhat exasperated now as he stepped away from the tree to come after her - or tried to anyway. One step and he was jerked back against the tree trunk, his head connecting painfully with it.

"Was machst du da fur scheisse?" he exploded in surprise as her laughter redoubled.

"Don't take too long Fuzzy!" she called out as she turned and darted away. "You don't want me to get too big a head start, do you?" Her voice drifted back as she disappeared in the shadows between the trees.

"Kaetzchen! Kitty!?" He twisted and squirmed, unable to get far enough from the tree to turn and see what held him. "Come back here you little minx! This isn't funny!"

The only answer was her laughter drifting back through the trees.

"Scheisse," he mumbled in frustration as he finally stopped struggling and thought to use his tail to probe behind him. A moment's exploration confirmed what he had begun to suspect - she'd phased the backs of both his shirts right into the tree trunk. He struggled not to smile at her prank - after all, she wasn't there to see it anyway, and it was one of the best anyone had managed to pull on him.

"You are going to pay for this Liebe," he bellowed at the top of his lungs as he began to unbutton his outer shirt. "Just wait until I catch you!"

He made short work of squirming out of his over-shirt, but no matter how he contorted he couldn't get out of the tee-shirt underneath.

"Ah fuck it!" he finally snarled in frustration as he ripped the damn thing open from neck to hem. "Oh you are *so* going to pay for that Kaetzchen," he growled under his breath as he took off on all fours, running full-speed in the direction he'd last heard her voice.

It was significantly harder to find her this time. She'd obviously learned her lesson and used the time he'd spent struggling out of her little trap to get as far away as possible before she'd begun phasing to confuse her trail. As often as not it was the sound of her laughter drifting through the warm spring twilight that would set him on her trail again as he stood, staring at the spot where her tracks just disappeared. It was only a matter of time though. He knew these woods intimately and the growing dark beneath the trees was no handicap to him.

She led him a merry chase through the trees for a good ten minutes or more, though, phasing and changing direction every few minutes, but always moving in a generally southward direction. It was more than long enough for his heart to begin to pound in his ears and his blood to sing with the thrill of the chase.

When he finally found her she was leaning heavily on a tree, catching her breath. Silken tendrils of hair had escaped her pony tail and, even in the dimness he could see how her face was streaked with dirt and flushed with exertion. He crouched, hidden in the tree above her, watching her chest heave as she panted with the effort she'd put into escaping him and trying to control the burning in his veins. Finally, when he simply couldn't take it anymore, he dropped almost soundlessly to the ground behind her.

"Tag," he growled, low voiced into her ear as he slipped his arms around her from behind. She screeched and tried to jump in surprise but he paid it no mind. He simply held her tightly to him and buried his face in the warmth and the damp wisps of hair at the nape of her neck, breathing in the musky sweet scent of her exertion mingled with the residual perfumes from her shower.

"You. Are. It." he murmured hoarsely against her skin before sinking his fangs into the tender flesh of her neck - not hard enough to draw blood, but so close...oh so close.

He could feel her heart race as she shivered slightly in his arms, a shiver that had nothing to do with the temperature on this warm spring evening. She pushed back against him and tipped her head down and to the side to give him better access to the smooth expanse of her threat.

"Took you long enough, Fuzzy," she gasped as he took the invitation. He could smell the desire coming off her in waves now almost as clearly as he could hear it in her voice. There was no way she was going to get away from him this time, and he tightened his grip on her possessively, growling low in his chest, before forcing himself to ease off.

He had to be sure before things went any farther. He could tell from the heat in his veins and the way his senses threatened to overwhelm him that he was dangerously close to going feral on her. If he didn't pull back and cool off now he'd have trouble controlling himself, trouble stopping if that's what she wanted. He couldn't afford any misunderstandings when his blood wa lik like this.

"Is this what you want Liebe?" he forced out, pulling back slightly as she turned in his arms. Oh Gott, her breasts brushed against his bare arm and chest and he *really* wished she hadn't done that. "Here and now, is this...is this all right?" His voice was a low, rumbling growl and the sound of it was disconcerting even to his own ears.

She ed med mutely up at him, eyes wide with something he couldn't quite fathom, and he wondered just what she saw as she examined him so intensely. He almost held his breath as he waited for her answer, fighting tooth and nail against the urge to shove her back against the tree behind her and.... He squeezed his eyes shut, shaking with the effort of holding back and fearing that she'd seen it in his eyes, seen his control flickering like a guttering candle flame.

She was silent so long that he was certain that she had, that it had frightened her and he began to draw away, uncertain now, though the singing in his veins urged him on.

And then he felt her move, just slightly. He opened his eyes to see her peering up at him from beneath the dark sweep of her lashes as the corners of her mouth quirked slowly up in a very...inviting...smile.

"You even have to ask, Fuzzy Elf?" Her voice was husky and her hands were tangling in his hair, pulling him down to meet her lips, hot and demanding against his own. It didn't matter now where they were, only that they were together and she was warm and willing in his arms.


Kitty wasn't sure what held her silent for so long. But for a moment that felt like forever she could do nothing but look into the burning gold of his eyes, their contrast to the deep indigo of his face even more pronounced in the early twiliof tof the woods. There was something almost frightening in the intensity of his gaze and she wondered if she hadn't pushed things too far with her little game, if she hadn't prolonged the chase too long. She wanted to admire her handiwork in ridding him of his shirts, but she couldn't tear her eyes from his face, from the look of raw need in his eyes warring with the rigid tension evident in the set of his jaw and the knitting of his brows.

She'd never expected anyone to look at *her* that way. That was a look reserved for great beauties like Jean or Rogue, not plain little Katherine Pryde and she wanted, perhaps, to burn the memory of it indelibly into her brain. It wasn't until his eyes clenched shut and he began to shake and pull away that she realized how long she'd stood there, and how far she'd pushed him. She was afraid her voice would come out in a squeak as she forced the words past the sudden constriction in her throat.

A few words, a smile, the touch of her hands at his neck and all his hesitation fell away. His lips on hers, almost desperate in their intensity, set a fire in her blood as he pushed her, not _quite_ roughly against the tree at her back. His hands were everywhere, or so it seemed, and she returned the attention enthusiastically, reveling in the warm expanse of velvet fur and taut muscles literally at her fingertips, only stopping her eager explorations when he began to fumble at the buttons on her shirt.

_Note to self, no more button downs,_ and she almost laughed at the thought.

Mindful of the fate of her shirt the last time he'd had to struggle with buttons she batted his hands away and quickly took care of them herself. She'd barely finished when he pushed her hands aside and slipped his own, warm and calloused and oh so tender, along her shoulders and down, taking her shirt and the straps of her bra with them.

At the gentle urging of his hands she moved away from the tree just far enough to allow them to slip behind her. Deftly unhooking the clasp of her bra he let it drop to join her shirt on the ground at their feet. A half-formed question drifted across her fogged brain at that, wondering just how he managed that with so little trouble when buttons completely defeated him. A question that was driven entirely from her mind as he broke their kiss and shifted his attentions lower, murmuring huskily in what she assumed must be German. It was hard to tell, as the only word she could make out was her name, but all of it in a tone of voice that made it more than clear what he was saying.

She'd thought, before, that she might care that they were outside. Might be self-conscious about the exposure, or uncomfortable in the open. When it came down to it, though, she found she didn't really give a damn. All that really mattered anymore was the hard heat of his body pressed against her, his muscles rippling and tensing beneath short velvet fur as she stroked every part of him she could reach and the feel of his hands and mouth on her as he caressed and explored everything *he* could reach.

Every nerve in her body seemed to be tuned to his touch and the first pass of his tail across her belly and up her side drew a low, whimpering moan. There was something about that extra, unexpected touch that that sent a shiver down her spine and stoked the heat building in her belly. He dropped one hand to fumble at the waist of her pants and she mirrored his move as his tail continued its gentle, almost tentative explorations. Up and across her collar bones, circling lightly at the hollow of her throat, tracing along the edge of her jaw. It was such a sharp contrast to his hands - soft with fur and almost delicate - and she gasped and pressed into the touch, her breath coming in short gasps as it slipped up across her cheek and traced feather light along the shell of her ear.

She knew she shouldn't, told herself not to, but as the velvet spade ghosted along her cheek and grazed her lips, but she simply couldn't resist. Parting her lips she let her tongue flick out to caress the blunt tip before quickly drawing it between her teeth.

"Ach Gott! Kaetzchen...." his voice came hoarse and rough and it sent a delicious chill down her spine.

Sagging against her with an explosive groan, he pressed his face into the hollow of her throat as his hands tightened convulsively where they had just settled on the bare flesh beneath her now loose jeans. It took him only a moment to recover himself though, and then he was pressing against her with even greater urgency than before, his hands pushing down past her panties as he set to work on her neck with teeth and tongue. She couldn't understand a word he said as he murmured against her, but it didn't really matter - the tone of his voice said it all. That, combined with the low growl vibrating through his chest and into hers, set her heart to pounding a rapid staccato beat.

If she'd thought about it - which she hadn't - this was not the response she would have expected, but it was certainly all she could have hoped for. The crush of soft velvet fur against her breasts and belly as he pressed her back into the rough bark of the tree and the urgent grind of his hips against hers were all the invitation she needed. He growled again, even deeper this time, as she renewed her attentions to his tail, which had remained lightly clasped between her teeth the entire time. She let her tongue play along its edge as she scraped her teeth lightly, teasingly, down the center, amazed at how sensitive it appeared to be.

She felt him sag against her again, for just a fraction of a second, gasping into her neck as though he'd just finished one of Mr. Logan's conditioning runs, before his hands shifted from her ass to fumbling almost frantically with the button of his own pants. He was still gasping and murmuring in a fractured combination of unintelligible languages and his tail was twitching and writhing with his increasing agitation, though he made no move to actually pull it away. With only her lips and teeth, however, she was having a hard time maintaining her tenuous hold on the wayward appendage, especially when a particularly violent spasm sent it flicking sharply away then back again.

Without conscious thought, her hand shot out to secure it. Seizing it in a firm grip no more than a foot from the spade she let her hand trail down its velvengthngth as she drew it close again, savoring the smooth ripple of muscle beneath her hand as she prepared to bring it to her lips. "Come back here and hold you still you wiggly little devil," she gasped playfully into his hair. A heartbeat later his response reminded her exactly why she shouldn't have done it.

His tail jerked violently away and she could feel his whole body tense as he crushed her to him, one hand pushing roughly down the back of her jeans to get a grip on her bare ass while the other slipped around to cradle her shoulders so tight the air was driven from her lungs. A deep bass rumble began in his chest and then broke out in a growl so low it was almost sub-vocal as he burrowed his head into the cradle formed by her neck and shoulder, his fangs digging sharply into the tender flesh. She gasped at the pain, wondering if it was passion, rage or both that had set him to trembling and panting heavily for breath.

"Gott,n!" n!" His voice was raw and choked and almost unrecognizable. Thinking back on the look in his eyes that day at the lake, when he'd sent her away, she wondered what she would see there now if he looked up, or if she even wanted to know.

"Oh God, I'm sorry Kurt," she whispered into his hair, "I'm so, so sorry."

He hadn't really been thinking about his tail - at least no more than he'd actually been *thinking* about either of his hands. They were all on auto-pilot, simply going where the spirit moved them, so to speak. He was *aware* of its movements as an intensely pleasant sensation as the spade explored and stroked at bits of her his hands were too occupied to get to, but that was all, really. At least until the pressure of her lips and teeth and tongue, the sensation of heat and moisture, sent a jolt of fire straight to his groin.

He'd *never* felt anything like it before. It was incredible, and for a heartbeat his knees went weak and his eyes rolled back in his head as he fought to maintain some semblance of control. He was only partly successful. A feral growl he couldn't suppress was ripped from his chest and he buried his face against her neck as he struggled against the urgent signals his hind brain was trying to swamp him with.

Some small, semi-rational corner of the aforementioned organ was trying to tell him that he should stop - now - before he lost control. That she couldn't possibly know what she'd just let herself in for. The rest of his brain, however, was much too occupied with how amazing it felt to be touched so...intimately...and with the desire to have it continue, whatever the cost.

And then she did it again and, oh Gott, he thought for a moment that he might pass out from the sheer sensory overload as he leaned into her, gasping for breath. There was entirely too much fabric still between them and he shifted his hands to fumble frantically at the fastenings of his trousers, needing desperately to feel her, all of her, against and around him.

He knew, vaguely, that he should be angry. He'd told her repeatedly to never touch his tail. But this...this was nothing like he'd ever felt or expected. There was nothing of the past or darkness in it. It was completely new and perhaps the most incredibly singsing sensation he'd ever experienced. She could do that to him 'til Hell froze over and he'd never complain.

He'd almost succeeded in freeing himself from the confines of pants that felt, at this point, at least two sizes too small in certain vital areas when everything changed. The gentle, incredible teasing at the sensitive spade of his tail was replaced by a firm grip, farther down, and his whole body went tense, her voice echoing in his ears.

He didn't even hear the growl escape him. As his fangs sank into smooth, unblemished skin, he barely maintained enough awareness to stop short of drawing blood. Didn't notice as he began to tremble and pant for breath. Had no idea what his hands were doing. Only knew that he wanted her, oh Gott he wanted her so bad he could taste it. But not like this. Not out of control and not with...that...scrabbling at the corners of his soul. Not like an animal..._devil_....

"Gott, nein!" _Not a devil. Not an animal, not...._

Memory and nightmare merged with her words and that all too familiar touch on his tail. He could feel himself spiraling out of control....

The sound of her voice as she whispered raggedly into his hair broke through his panic, grounding him for the moment it took him to find the strength to push away. He staggered back a step and dropped to the ground with a muffled thump, his knees sinking into the damp earth and his hands reaching down to grasp at tufts of grass as though they could somehow anchor him in place. Strange, since what he wanted more than anything at that moment was to simply disappear.

He would have, if he could have focused his mind sufficiently to choose a destination. The best he could manage, though, was 'away.' He just wanted to get away, but his survival instinct wouldn't let him 'port on that for anything short of life or death. So instead he knelt there, head bowed, eyes screwed shut and sobbing for breath as he tried desperately to fix himself in the present. No matter how painful and humiliating the present was, it was still infinitely preferable to where his panicked psyche was trying to take him.



As she watched him collapse to the ground like a broken marionette she fought back incipient panic. Something was *really* wrong and she was afraid. Afraid that whatever it was, she was hopelessly out of her league. Afraid that it was her fault and she had no idea how to fix it.

She took a cautious step forward, tears stinging at her eyes as she tried to think of what to do, what to say. She stopped in her tracks when he flinched violently at her approach, her heart clenching painfully at the obvious rejection. Maybe she should call the Professor? Maybe she couldn't handle this on her own and, more importantly, maybe he couldn't. She looked at him through tear-blurred eyes - indigo fur blending inhe lhe lengthening shadows beneath the trees so that she had to focus to see that he was still shaking, that his tail was curled protectively around his knees and his hands were still clutching convulsively at the ground to either side. He looked lost and frightened and she knew he'd despise for anyone to see him this way, probably hated that she was even there. Maybe she couldn't handle this, but she had to try.

"Kurt?" Her voice cracked painfully on the sob that she refused to let escape. His head jerked at the sound, indigo silk hair swirling around his face at the abrupt motion, but he didn't look up. Wouldn't meet her eyes.

She cleared her throat and tried again, pleased that her voice, though hesitant and shaky, was at least somewhat under her control this time. "Kurt. Please...please tell me what's wrong. Please let me help you."

His only response this time was to lower his head further and rock back on his heels, drawing fractionally away from her. His breathing was still ragged and panicked and she worried that at any moment she would find herself talking to nothing more than a cloud of smoke.

"Please," she tried again. "I'm so sorry Kurt. I...I didn't mean for...I mean.... Please. Just please let me help you. Tell me what's wrong."

Her voice had broken almost completely now and she couldn't stop the tears that were streaming down her face as she hugged herself against a chill that had nothing to do with the temperature, barely even aware that she was still shirtless in the encroaching twilight.

His voice was so ragged and so...unexpected...when he finally spoke that she almost jumped. "Not...not your fault Kaetzchen," he managed to rasp out. "I'm sorry Liebe. It's *not* your fault. Just please...please don't ask...please let it go...." His voice had gained some strength as he spoke and he finally looked up at the end. Not enough to meet her eyes, but enough for her to catch a flash of burnished gold beneath the tangled fall of hair hiding his face. Just enough for her to catch a glimpse of the emotions he was obviously trying to conceal.

She wasn't sure just when she'd gotten so accomplished at reading his expressions, but it had happened somewhere along the line and now she caught her breath at what that brief glimpse had shown her. Pain. Fear. Anger. Shame. She'd put those there. She wasn't sure why or how, but it was her responsibility and it clawed at her heart.

God, she couldn't take it - couldn't bear it if she somehow ruined the one good thing in her life right now, the one thing that was keeping her sane in the madhouse that was her life. She couldn't let it go, no matter what he asked. Not this time. She'd let too much go in her life, hoping that if she ignored it it would get better or go away. The problem was, it never worked. It never had, it never would, and she wasn't going to lose him, lose what they had, to the slow, festering resentment of untold secrets and unspoken pain.

"No," she snapped, much harsher than she'd intended. His head jerked up at her tone, surprise overlaying a welter of other emotions in his eyes. "No. I *won't* let it go. I won't...I can't...I...."

She paused, gasping for breath and surprised at the ferocity of her own response. She stooped to snatch her shirt from the ground, more to cover the extremity of her emotion than because she really cared about being unclothed. She was pretty much beyond caring about that at this point. By the time she looked up he had averted his gaze again, staring fixedly at the ground in front of him. The only difference from his earlier posture was that his tail now lashed behind him in obvious agitation - and she was fairly certain that was caused by anger. Fine, let him be angry with her, but she was going to get some answers - or else.

"Fine! I fucked up - royally. I'm sorry." She'd started strong again, and he'd begun to look up, but her voice had trailed away again on her last words. Taking a deep breath she dug down for the anger she needed to get her through this, to break the barrier he was erecting between them. "Kurt, you can either trust me or you can dump me - it's one or the other! I'm closer to you than I've...than I've *ever* been to anyone in my life. You know almost everything there is to know about me - all my secrets and my dreams, but sometimes I feel like I hardly know you at all. Please! Please, trust me. Please tell me what's wrong. Let me help."

For a long moment she thought he was going to ignore her - that or bamf away and leave her alone in the near-dark. He took a deep, shuddering breath and she was more than half convinced that it was simply in preparation to 'port. But then he looked up, slowly, his eyes burning with anger and brimming with unshed tears as he glared at her through the wispy veil of hair hanging across his features.

"Why Kaetzchen?" he ground out through clenched teeth. "Sharing the pain doesn't help anything. It just worries and frightens others."

"What? Do you think I'm *not* frightened or worried now?" She couldn't keep the incredulity out of her voice. He didn't want to *frighten* her? "Look at yourself Kurt. You're a fucking *wreck* because I...*touched* you and I have *no idea* why. At least tell me why. Let me help you. How bad can it be to just let me help you?"

"What is the point?" he fairly exploded, his face twisting with a rage that drove her back a step. "How can you help?" He squeezed his eyes shut and she watched as the first tear slipped with deceptive gentleness down one fuzzy cheek, holding her breath at the violence of his response.

"Can you get rid of this?" his voice broke as his tail lashed forward so rapidly that she flinched away from the resulting whip crack. "Or these?" He held shaking hands out before him, palms turned up in a mockery of supplication.

"What is the point Kaetzchen? How will confiding in you change...change anything...anything other than to...to...." He was gasping for breath now, his breathing so fast and shallow that she feared he would hyperventilate. Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he lurched jerkily to his feet, his usual grace totally absent.

"Gott! Look at me Kaetzchen!" he demanded, his voice a harsh, angry growl. "Look at me. Why don't I want you to touch my tail? Why would you want to? My Gott, what human being has a *tail*?"

She stood, stunned and speechless at his outburst. This was *not* the Kurt Wagner that she knew, that anyone here knew. There was nothing of the laughing, gentle, self-effacing prankster here. He radiated anger and bitterness and still, behind it all, a fear and pain that he couldn't quite cover no matter how hard he tried - and he was all too obviously trying. She took a step forward, hand outstretched, but stopped as he backed away, tail still whipping the air behind him and still trembling with what she was coming to suspect was much more fear than anger.

She didn't really know where to start, so she addressed his last question first. "You have a tail, Kurt, and you are as much a human being as anyone else here. It's just...just part of *you*. Like the fur and the eyes and...and everything else about you. They're just you - and I love you."

"Just me," he snorted derisively and his head dropped. "Just the freak." He looked up again, and her heart lurched at the look of dull pain in his eyes. "Look at me Kaetzchen. If this," he gestured at himself, "is supposed to look like a human being then Gott was playing a very cruel practical joke, because I've never seen anyone else who looks like this. Have you? Human beings don't have fur, don't have fangs, don't have verdammt *tails*! This," he fumbled blindly at the watch on his wrist and she held back a strangled sob as the 'public' Kurt Wagner shimmered into view. "This is what a human being looks like Kitty," his voice was soft now, weary and defeated. "This," the holographic image disappeared and he stood before her in all his blue furry glory, "is what an animal looks like."

He didn't know why he was speaking to her this way. He wished he did, wished he could make it stop. Wanted nothing more than to take back every hateful, angry word and forget they'd ever been uttered.

He felt like something had broken, some barrier had been breached, and he had no more control over the torrent of words and emotions swamping him than he did over a river in snowmelt. He remembered once, so very long ago, the feeling of being caught up in the icy current, tossed and battered and totally helpless against the water's raging power. He felt much the same now, but this time there was no one rushing to his rescue. No strong hand was going to reach into the icy torrent and pull him to safety. And this time he'd have no one to blame but himself when he was sucked under. If only it could be literal as well as figurative.

He couldn't face her as he felt the faint crackle of static that told him the inducer was off. Couldn't meet her eyes as the hated words were wrung from him, almost, it seemed, against his will. He hadn't even realized that he had this anger, this self-hatred in him and it made him sick with horror to realize that she was standing there, watching him spin out of control. He was tensing himself to 'port, still not sure of where to go, but certain that he had to get away, when he was rocked back on his heels by the force of her slap.

He looked up at that, shocked to the core, and met angry blue eyes, streaming with tears but burning into his nonetheless. His hand crept up to probe at his stinging cheek. No doubt about it, she had a good arm on her.

"Don't you *EVER* say that again!" she almost screamed at him, and he cringed away from the fury in her voice. "Don't you *ever* dare to...to compare yourself to an...an animal, Kurt Wagner. "You are *not* an animal. You're *not*! And whoever told you that was...was a fool and a...a *monster*.

She held his gaze, unblinking despite her tears, and he couldn't bring himself to look away. He felt the anger that he hadn't been able to anticipate or control melt slowly away under her unwavering gaze. He felt drained and empty and dreadfully, morbidly ashamed. With a soft moan he finally broke eye contact and sank back to the ground in a heap, still shivering in reaction. He simply didn't have the energy to face her any longer. He waited for the sound of her retreating footsteps, waited to be left alone with his shame and misery. When they finally came, though, they were drawing closer.

He didn't even have the energy to flinch away as her grass-stained sneakers stopped just within his field of view, not even when she dropped to her knees in front of him. Her voice, when she finally spoke, was soft, almost tentative, but there was an unmistakable note of command there as well. His heart twisted painfully. She expected a response and honestly, if she was still here after what he'd said and done, she probably deserved one - as much of one as he could manage anyway but Gott, how would he ever be able to face her again? Things would never be the same, and he had no one to blame but himself.

"*Who* told you that Kurt? Who made you *believe* that of yourself?"




She didn't know if he'd answer her. After what he'd said and what she'd done, she wasn't sure he'd bother. She thought her heart might break as she looked down at him, huddled in on himself and in such obvious pain. Would he let her help him? Was there even anything that she could do? Maybe the hurt ran too deep.

This wasn't just him being miserable with his mutation - she'd watched and listened, really listened, every moment as he spoke. Watched the play of emotions across his face, heard when his speech turned from unrehearsed fury to what sounded almost like something recited by rote. That was when she'd lost her temper. Hearing him speak of himself so, in that strange, cold, bitter voice.

The anger had bubbled up inside her and she'd struck him before she even realized what she was doing. She wouldn't let *anyone* say that about him - not even him. Hee, hee ? this sounds like almost a direct quote from Just Kids ? just noticed that! And then she'd watched the rage fade from his eyes, leaving only the shame and the pain, before he'd sunk to the ground yet again.

Now she watched and waited as her question hung, unanswered, in the silence between them. She'd almost given up hope. Almost decided that her only option was to 'call' the Professor and hope that wiser heads than hers could somehow get to the bottom of this, because she was absolutely certain that it had to be addressed, somehow, by someone, before he tore himself apart. And then his voice came, tense and almost whisper soft and ragged from both yelling and crying, his accent thick and getting thicker by the word.

"I was...I was eight. I'd only been with Der Jahrmarkt for...for a few weeks. Two, maybe three...when Herr...when *Klaus* first...."

His voice droned on, never much above a murmur, sometimes breaking and he'd have to pause, gasping for breath. He never looked up, never took his eyes from his hands where they clenched and unclenched rhythmically on his knees. Never saw her hands creep up to cover her mouth, or her eyes widen in sympathetic horror as the tears streamed down her cheeks. His only other movement was the constant, erratic motion of his tail as it cut the air around and behind him or, occasionally, curled protectively around his body or his knees.

He couldn't bring himself to look at her as he forced the words out past the almost strangling constriction in his throat. He couldn't bear to see the disgust or pity he knew would be there as he told her in halting, awkward, pain-choked bursts about Klaus. About being...touched...and used...and...broken.
one one had known. No one had *ever* known...until now. He'd been too frightened and then too ashamed to tell. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Klaus had made it abundantly clear that no one would take the word of a freak, an animal, a demon from hell, over that of a valued member of the troupe and, more importantly, a *human*.

He'd used so many different tactics to control him over the years, though, not just that one. The threat of sending him back to his parents had been powerful until, by the age of ten, he'd become one of the show's main draws, pulling in larger crowds than Der Jahrmarkt had ever seen before as people flocked to see the Amazing Nightcrawler. A child who could do things on the highwire, and later the trapeze, that even veteran performers were afraid to attempt.

By then, though, Klaus hadn't actually needed any other hold than the paralyzing shame and the mute fear that he was right. That he deserved everything he got and that it would never be any different, any better.

"He, he always...used...mein tale. Handled it...held me by it. He said he...he liked to have his kleiner Tiger by its tail. Usually...usually it just *hurt,*" his voice cracked briefly into a higher register and he paused, eyes wide against the images in his head, teeth grinding audibly for a moment as he tried to find the words to continue.

"When I was...eleven...he found out he could...it could..." He clenched his fists convulsively as his tail coiled so tightly around his arm that his hand began to go numb. He wanted so badly to wake from this nightmare, to have it be over - to have it never have happened at all. But now that he'd begun, the words didn't seem to want to stop, even when they had to squeeze past an almost crushing constriction in his throat.

"He thought it was...humorous...that he could *make* me...respond. He said, he said he knew that I'd learn to...appreciate...his attention eventually." His voice had diminished to a shamed whisper now, low enough that he could hear Kitty's shocked intake of breath at his words. He cringed farther in on himself then, curling around the pain, clutching it to himself protectively. It was, it seemed, the only thing he was likely to have left when this exercise in horror was complete.

"Gott help me, I was so relieved when he stopped...seeking me out. When I stopped having to worry about being caught alone or...or being sent to 'help' him with something. I never...never thought about *why* he'd lost interest in me. Just thanked Gott that he had...took it as a gift. I never thought that it might be...might be because he'd moved on...found another....

"He hadn't touched me in almost two months. Hadn't even looked at me really - not even the usual insults he'd always had for me in public. Margali sent me to...to fetch Jimaine for dinner...from the field past the edge of the camp. I felt so...so brave that I actually walked past his trailer. It was the first time since...since.... Ja, anyway. I walked right past his door and I...I heard him...heard them...inside....

"It was just a little noise. No one else would have, would have noticed...they never had...before...anyway. But I heard it...knew what it was." He'd been dry-eyed up 'til now, no tears left to cry for the boy he'd been - he'd used them all long ago. But he was rocking now, arms wrapped tightly across his chest and tears streaming down his face for the first time since he'd begun to speak. His voice almost a keen of anguish as memory overwhelmed him.

"How could I not have known? She was so little Kaetzchen. Nine, but tiny, like a doll. Fragile and shy and frightened...frightened of everything. She barely spoke enough German to understand his threats. Her family - they were...were acrobats - had come from China just a...a few months before.

"I don't remember breaking the door - I must have, because it was broken and I was inside, but.... I just remember her face - red with crying and so...so frightened. Klaus angry and yelling and trying to get his pants up...trying to push her into me. I don't remember after that, just the yelling and the blood."

He trembled violently in reaction, fighting back the urge to vomit as nightmare images tried to swim before his still-wide eyes. By the time his voice resumed it was steadier again, though still quiet and almost choked.

"Jimaine said...said my caterwauling brought the whole troupe running. They had...had to pull me off of him - but that was just so her...her brother could have a go at him.... He took the blame for the...ak. k. To keep me out of it. Margali and Herr Braun were...worried that he would tell the police that it was really me, that they wouldn't be able to...hide me...anymore. I couldn't tell them that he wouldn't take the chance that I might...might tell anyone. That someone might find out he'd...he'd 'done' the animal. Pedophilia was one thing you see, but to...to be known to engage in...in bestiality...that would be entirely...different...."

Things he'd never said to anyone, nor ever intended to, were spilling out in a torrent he couldn't seem to stem. He might actually have gone on, unloaded every sordid detail of his brief life, if she hadn't reached out to touch him for the first time since he'd begun, stopping his unconscious rocking with a firm but gentle grip on his trembling shoulder.

"You're *not* an animal Kurt. *He* was the animal. Not you, Kurt...*never* you."

Her voice was rough with tears, but strong and steady. He froze, her voice and her hand rooting him to the spot. He could hear her disgust, feel the quivering anger in her grip. Maybe not an animal...maybe not...but weak, disgusting...soiled.... The world was spinning and there was no stable point of reference any more...nothing....

"...disgusting...filthy..." his voice was barely audible as he gazed down to where his hands...his deformed hands...lay limply in his lap.


Cliffhanger! Kind of anyway. One more chapter to wrap this bit up and then we'll be moving on.

Please review - I am officy a y a review junky. They give me the big warm fuzzies. Almost as much as elf torture.

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