In Fear of Three Little Words

Wow!! Thanks for the encouraging reviews. I soooooooo appreciate it. I've worked for months on this fic, absolutely consumed by it and it means the world to me that people like it.

Oh, hang on. Gotta go talk to a sheriff's deputy. Okay, I'm back. Somebody hit my mailbox last night...for the umpteenth time and this time they got cute and left one of those orange and white construction barrels in place of my mailbox. Funny huh? The deputy was a real hottie. But then in my county we are blessed with cute deputies. And the Sheriff is an Adonis. Oh my, what's got into me today?

I'm going to post a couple more chapters here and then I've got to concentrate on writing the last couple of chapters for this story. My beta, Joy, bless her little heart, pointed out something I had not dealt with. So, back to writing and editing. Have fun all.

Chapter 17


“Ah, just the two people I wanted to talk to,” Hank said, beckoning Logan and Kurt into his lab. “I was just going to tell the Professor here what I’ve discovered about these collars.”

Logan grimaced and saw a queasy expression cross Kurt’s face.

He wiped the sweat from two hours of working out in the Danger room, running Kurt through a series of more difficult maneuvers and said, “so whatcha got?” He settled onto a stool and Kurt pulled one up beside him and sat as well.

Charles watched them and Logan didn’t need to read minds to know that the Doc was more than suspicious about his and Kurt’s growing relationship. That would have to be dealt with sometime in the near future.

Hank held up one of the collars and by its size Logan knew it had been the one from around his own neck.

“It’s brilliant really,” Hank offered. “Insidious, but brilliant. Trask has actually developed a technology that is sensitive to the energies put off by mutants. This one was specifically geared towards Logan’s extension and retraction of his claws, a basic mechanical maneuver when you get right down to it. The extension of your claws caused the collar to emit a strong electrical shock. On retraction, it ceased.”

“Not always,” Logan pointed out. “Trask had a manual control of that thing too.”

“Yes,” Hank agreed. “I found the manual override wired into each device.”

“What about the one he put on me?” Kurt asked. “There’s nothing mechanical about what I do when I teleport.”

Hank’s eyes brightened. “That technology shows Trask’s true brilliance.”

“I think it shows what a screwed up son-of-a-bitch he is,” Logan muttered.

“I agree, Logan, but that he’s discovered the precise energy signature of Kurt’s teleporting powers is sheer brilliance. It’s unfortunate that he’s using his intelligence and knowledge for such deviant purposes.”

“When you say energy signature, do you mean like what I detect when using Cerebro to locate mutants?” Charles asked.

“Exactly, Trask was able to decode that signal particular to Kurt and thus able to gear the collar to block Kurt’s teleporting ability with the use of extreme shocking pain. Very complex compared to the mechanical response to Logan’s claws.”

“But it was as if it anticipated my use of teleportation,” Kurt said. “I couldn’t actually do it.”

“I know it must have seemed as if it were anticipating,” Hank replied. “But when you began the procedure, the picturing of where you’d “port” to, the energy you emitted upon activating the teleport set off the collar and stopped you from completing the process.”

Kurt nodded, but Logan thought Kurt looked as confused as he felt.

“So these things aren’t universal?” Logan asked. “If say Cyke put one of these on, it wouldn’t necessarily go off if he tried to blast something?”

“That’s a good question,” Charles said. “What about involuntary powers like Scott’s. All he has to do is open his eyes and his powers go off.”

“Hmmm. I haven’t explored that far,” Hank admitted, wiping a hand down his lab coat and shoving his glasses up on his nose with a clawed finger. “Let’s use Kitty as an example instead. Kitty’s powers are voluntary...now that she has them under her control. I doubt either of these collars would work on her because her energy signature would be different than Kurt’s or Logan’s.”

“So, there won’t be any mass production of these suckers then,” Logan said with relief.

“I think you’re probably right for now, but I also think Trask is working on that problem even as we speak. I’m certain his intent is to find a way to broaden the spectrum of interference so that the collars will work on most mutants. You two were his prototypes.”

“Damn him,” Logan growled.

Kurt reached out a hand to Logan’s arm, obviously needing to touch base with the here and now. All this talk about Trask and those damned collars wasn’t going to help Kurt sleep at night or ease his mind that they had things under control.

Charles frowned and met Logan’s gaze. Logan stared back until Charles looked away.

“Is it possible to overcome the collars, Hank?” Kurt asked. “Is there something that can be done to...what is the phrase? Short circuit? Yes, short circuit the collar?”

Hank’s gaze went distant, suddenly deep in thought. “That’s another excellent question. But I’m not certain what it would take or if someone could concentrate hard enough to overcome the collar’s pain. If Logan couldn’t....” Hank gave a shrug.

“But he did for a short time,” Kurt offered eagerly, grabbing Logan by the arm. “Remember, Logan? When you attacked the window and almost cut through it.”

Logan closed his eyes, remembering all too well Trask’s threats to let his men have Kurt for entertainment. He’d lost it completely, his fury blinding him momentarily to the agony of the collar. “That was sheer rage, elf. And it didn’t stop the collar from taking me down finally.”

Kurt dropped his hand from Logan’s arm and sighed dejectedly. Logan put his arm over Kurt’s shoulders and gently squeezed.

“It’s possible, if you were able to withstand the pain,” Hank said. “That you might short circuit the wiring. I just don’t know what it would take to make that happen though.”

Kurt nodded, but didn’t look hopeful.

“I’m afraid that’s all I have for now,” Hank said.

Logan rose and Kurt with him. “Thanks for the update. Hey Doc. What’dya find out in Washington? We gonna get any help with Trask? Or are we on our own?”

Logan noticed Kurt tense beside him. They were both still edgy from the shock they’d gotten yesterday afternoon when that blasted tape arrived for Kurt. Images flashed through his mind, of sex and blood and pain, his and Kurt’s. Logan shook off the dark feelings the memories conjured inside of him with effort.

“The meeting went well, Logan. We’ll talk tonight. I’d like to tell everyone at once if you don’t mind...after dinner.”

Logan nodded. “Sure. Right now I need a shower. Who’s got supper detail tonight anyway?”

“Jean is in charge tonight,” Kurt offered. “I think Bobby and Ray are her backup.”

“Then who knows what we’ll end up with,” Logan said, turning to leave.

“Kurt,” Charles called. Logan stopped when Kurt did, turning with a questioning glance.
“I’d like to speak to you in my office for a few moments.”

Kurt glanced over to Logan and back to Charles. “Of course, Professor. May I clean up first?”
“Of course. In forty five minutes then?”

Kurt forced a smile, but Logan had a bad feeling Kurt was about to get a lecture or something like one.

****************

“So your meeting went well in Washington. That’s good news,” Kurt said. He sat across from Professor Xavier feeling uncomfortable, unsure of why he’d been called into the office for a private meeting.

“It went well, Kurt. But that’s not why I asked to speak to you. We’ll discuss the results of my meeting this evening and some important information Logan obtained late last night.”

“Logan told me about it.”

The Professor’s mouth drew tight and an eyebrow went up. “Yesm cem certain he did.”

Kurt didn’t like the tone of the Professor’s voice. He was about to get a lecture, one he didn’t want.

“Kurt, I’ve asked you here because I think you need counseling. I’m quite concerned about how you are dealing with the trauma you’ve been through.”

Licking his lips, Kurt glanced away. “I thought I was dealing with it very well considering.”

“Considering you see the man who raped you every single day?”

Kurt pushed up out of his chair and walked away, unable to sit there with the Professor gazing at him, knowing what happened. He turned and pried his gritted teeth apart.

“I don’t look at it that way. I don’t want to remember it or think of Logan in that way.”

“I know you don’t, Kurt. But that’s simply denial. You were raped and you are not dealing with it. You are shoving it away, replacing it with what came after.”

“Wouldn’t you?” Kurt asked.

“I can’t say I’d handle it much differently, but that doesn’t make it healthy. You need to deal with this trauma. You need to acknowledge that it happened and who did it.”

“I am! I do! I was there, Professor. I know what happened. I know what Logan did to me, but I also know he couldn’t help himself. He tried, but the drug was too strong.”

The Professor sat back and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “You would defend Logan to the death, wouldn’t you?”

“You’re right about that. I would and I will. He helped me through the second time. He made it tolerable.”

The Professor pierced Kurt with an intense, knowing gaze. “I believe Logan made it more than tolerable. He actually made that ordeal enjoyable, didn’t he?”

Kurt shook his head, but he couldn’t deny that in spite of everything, he had enjoyed the Wa Was he sick? Was he crazy? Was there something deeply wrong with him that he could enjoy forced sex with an audience watching?

“Everything is not so simple, Professor,” Kurt finally said, sitting again. He twined his fingers together and leaned his forehead on his hands. “I had felt nothing but pain for days and having Logan holding me, not in pain, but in comfort, meant so much to me. We had suffered and suffered and Trask wanted us to suffer more.” Kurt looked up and he fought back tears. “We were tired of suffering. We were tired of our bodies not being in our control.”

The Professor nodded.

“Logan may have hurt me,” Kurt continued. “But he did not want to and that he found the strength that second time to give me pleasure, to give me comfort, that is an amazing thing. Logan is a good man, Professor. I will not think of him as my rapist. I will only think of him as my savior.”

The Professor cleared his throat and frowned. “Kurt, I’m not at all certain that your attitude towards Logan is healthy for you. I’m aware that you two have developed feelings for one another. This trauma has bonded you in a way that may have dire consequences. I don’t want you to get hurt when this infatuation with one another starts to fade.”

“Infatuation? Is that what you think this is?”

“You are still very young, Kurt and Logan is a strong older man whom I think you have grown to idolize. I’m fairly certain that what you are feeling is infatuation.”

Kurt rose again and walked over to the open french doors. “No. I don’t believe that. I know what I feel. I’m not a child, Professor,” Kurt said turning back to look at his mentor. “You will see. Logan and I have true feelings for one another.”

“At least let me get you some counseling, Kurt. Someone not so close to the situation. Perhaps I am only seeing one side, but then so must you be.”

Leaning against the doorsill, Kurt thought about trying to talk to a stranger about his ordeal. He shuddered inwardly. Letting his head fall back against the wall, he closed his eyes tight. Memories of his captivity cascaded through Kurt’s mind, finally lighting on that terrible long ordeal, his flight from Logan’s grasp and the unfair use of the collar by Trask to put him in Logan’s hands. The details blurred, only searing pain and fear dancing before his inner sight.

He stood up straight and shook his head. “I do not think I wish to speak to a counselor, Professor. Not now anyway. It’s...too close. Too painful.”

The Professor let out a sigh. “Kurt, you are making a mistake.”

“Perhaps, but it is my choice, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I suppose it is.” Kurt heard disappointment in the Professor tone.

He shoved away from the wall and walked over to where the Professor sat. “Thank you for your concern, Professor. I’ll try very hard not to let my trauma interfere with the team.”

“You know, Kurt, that’s not my greatest concern. My concern is for your well being and I’m afraid you are not serving it well.”

“But, as you said, that is my choice.”

The Professor glanced down and nodded. “With all its possible dire consequences, yes, Kurt, it is your choice.”