Running to Stand Still

It was New Year's Eve before Kat noticed the change in Logan. He was out in the woods more, brooding more often than usual, smoking his cigars like a chimney to the point where she took temporary refuge on Rogue's couch. They hadn't shared a bed in almost a week, and Kat was beginning to wonder if she'd made a mistake in trusting him so much.

She couldn't figure out how they'd gone from happy on Christmas to this. It didn't make any damn sense.

Scott found her in the library the evening of the New Year's party, curled up in a chair with a battered copy of The Count of Monte Cristo, dried tears staining her face with mascara from the makeover the girls had given her earlier that day.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked as he sat in the chair opposite hers.

Kat shook her head. "Not particularly," she replied softly, not taking her eyes from the text. She was still on the first page, had been since she'd opened it three hours ago, eyes blinded by tears.

They sat in silence until she decided to speak. "Why is Logan the way he is? Why does he push me away when I know he's preoccupied with something?"

The leader of the X-Men sighed, shrugging. "He's a very private man, Kat, always has been. When he brought Rogue to the mansion, we knew very little about him aside from the fact that he'd been experimented on by those government people and was virtually unkillable. Rogue didn't even know more than that."

He reached out and touched her arm, waiting for her to look at him before he continued. "I understand that it hurts when someone you love locks you out of their problems. You want nothing more than to help them through whatever it is, to take some of the burden onto yourself."

"Yeah, it hurts," she said, voice choked a little.

"The only thing I can tell you is to give him some time. I know that a relationship like this is new to you, and it's probably very new to him as well. Give it time, and things will come right again."

Kat managed a smile. "Maybe you're right, Scott."

He tugged on her hand. "C'mon, go get cleaned up and then come down to the party. Remy's trying to teach Jubilee to play poker."

He was rewarded with laughter, even as he knew that she'd keep a part of herself locked up tonight, worrying about Logan's behavior. And just as he'd thought, the reason for Logan's standoffish attitude came clear within a month.

*****

Kat walked into their room to find him packing a bag, leather jacket tossed carelessly over the bed that he hadn't bothered to make after sleeping in. He had an unlit cigar wedged in the corner of his mouth.

"Where are you going?" she asked,ng ong over to check on the ferrets. They were peacefully asleep, long bodies curled around each other in affection. She felt a sharp pang of jealousy.

His answer was a grunt; he never looked up at her, never really acknowledged her beyond that one sound, and that was a mistake he never should have made. He zipped up the bag and grabbed it and his jacket, then walked to the door where Kat was standing.

She moved aside to lim gim go, but instead of staying she hurriedly packed a bag of her own and thundered down the stairs, knocking into Scott in the process.

"Where are you headed off to in such a hurry?" he asked.

"Logan's leaving and I have to follow him." Kat saw the beginnings of a protest from Scott and held up her hand to stop him. "I don't wanna hear it, Scott. Tell Xavier to keep tabs on us with Cerebro, but this is something I have to do on my own."

"Be careful, Kat." Scott relented and kissed her on the forehead before png sng something out of his pocket and putting it in her hand. It was a set of keys. "Take my SUV, I don't want you using any of the motorcycles."

Kat smiled. "Thanks, Scott. I'll check in if I can."

"Bring the Canuck back in one piece, all right?"

The smile widened to a grin before she headed for the garage. Logan was just heading out of the main gates of the mansion; she waited a few moments before going after him.

*****

Logan knew she was following him, and knew that there was no way he could stop her; her powers could keep him from doing anything she didn't want himdo. do. And he figured that after driving all that day and long into the night she'd give up and turn back for home, for Westchester and the relative safety of the mansion.

But the black SUV was still behind him; even when he saw her pull over to get gas, she was back on the road in a few minutes and on his trail again. He wasn't surprised anymore by her determination, but worried for her safety. Logan knew what was coming in the next few days and he wanted her to be as far away from him as possible when the shit hit the fan.

Night passed back into day, the bike closely followed by the black SUV until the former pulled offroad, seeming to disappear into the trees until she pulled in after him and was glad Scott had loaned her the vehicle. The road before her was packed dirt at best, mud and ice now beneath semi-melting snow.

"Where the hell are you headed, Logan?" Kat asked herself over the static of the radio, the signal lost long before she'd reached the dirt road. They traveled for another half hour at least, before coming to a stop in front of a log cabin.

She immediately got out of the car. "What in God's name are you doing, Logan?"

"It would take a long time to explain, darlin', and I ain't got a lot of time to be doin' that." Logan smelled it already, the stink of sweat and a refusal to bathe. He was here, in the woods around them, the prey suddenly doubled.

"Why am I suddenly the least important thing in your life?"

Logan closed his eyes, not wanting to explain.

"She's pretty, Logan."

Kat took a step back as one of the biggest, dirtiest people she had ever seen stepped out of a stand reesrees. Long blonde hair, feral features, and wearing what looked like animal pelts.

"I don't get why you keep doing this, Vic."

The man shrugged powerful shoulders. "I told you, runt, I'm gonna keep coming after you until I get tired of it. You didn't even remember who I was when we met in Canada; fifteen years, Logan, and you didn't remember. Breaks old Creed's heart."

"You're a sick fuck, do you realize that?"

Creed laughed, a rough, foreboding sound. "You say that like I’m supposed to care." He turned and gave Kat a little mocking bow. "Don't worry, little lady, I'll be with you in just a minute."

"Touch her and you're dead, Creed."

The hulking monster just shrugged again and charged, hands curled into claws as he took a swipe at Logan.

Kat ran back to the safety of the car, reaching in to make sure the cellphone from the glove compartment was working. If things got bad, she'd be calling in the X-Men in a heartbeat. She had a feeling that, even if Logan survived against the larger man, he'd be barely alive.

Logan came flying through the air, landing in a heap on the hood of the SUV. The impact merely winded him and he was back on his feet, crouching on the car before taking a leap at Creed, claws and arms extended. The claws sank straight into him and he bellowed, Logan riding him to the ground before being thrown off again.

Creed came after him, the stab wounds seeming to do nothing to slow him down as he barreled toward Logan. He crashed into the smaller man and they both stayed down, slashing at each other on the ground like wild animals.

Logan hit him with his claws in the stomach again but took a similar hit, growling as Creed's claws raked the entire length of his torso. Deep puncture wounds bled on his leg, a deeper stab wound sending burning fire up his side from his lower back. He struck again, breathing hard, instinct driving him.

Kat circled around the car, not daring to take her eyes away from the fight, fearing that if she did Logan wouldn't make it out alive. It wasn't so much that she doubted him than it was a matter of her own fear and irrationality. She'd never been this close to true physical violence, and she'd never seen Logan really fight before.

Logan howled in pain, clutching at the growing stain of blood on his stomach. He was bleeding from so many different places, most healing but others taking their damn sweet time about it. He saw the world through a red haze, the bloodlust controlling all of his actions, but there was a part of him that was hyper-aware of Kat; he could smell her even over the scent of Creed and blood and dirt, heavy in his mind. He didn't want her here, in danger if he lost the fight. It didn't even occur to him that having her in his mind was a liability.

Creed grinned as he watched Logan's thoughts play across his face and took advantage of his momentary lapse in concentration, slashing his claws at the smaller man's neck. Logan's hand came up to stop the movement but he was a fraction of a second too slow.

Kat watched in horror as blood spurted from Logan's neck, her own senses kicking into high gear as she watched life drain from his eyes.

"No!" she screamed, throwing her hand out. The impact hit Creed and sent him flying into a tree where he landed with a grunt, stunned but only for a moment.

"You pack quite a punch, little girl," he growled, easily getting to his feet. Kat couldn't help noticing that, despite his size, he moved gracefully.

"Fuck off," she growled back, crouching over Logan, eyes suddenly black flames. She took a second to look down at Logan, who by now was unconscious from blood loss and so many wounds that his healing factor had kicked into overdrive.

It was a moment she shouldn't have taken because Creed saw it and swung his hand out, catching her across the face and sending her flying onto her back; his claws had created deep furrows in her skin. He leapt at her, leaning over her and grinning. "I can see why the runt likes you, you're a bitch." His hand was on her hip and she felt his claws push through her jeans, making small puncture wounds; with a small movement he drew his hand down to create another set of bloody claw marks.

She blinked, surprised the she wasn't feeling the pain from the cuts even though she could feel the blood running down her face and oozing from her leg. "You don't bathe very often, do you?" she snapped, scooting back across the ground to get away from him.

He moved after her, grabbing her wrist hard enough to make the bones grind together. "I don\ike ike being insulted, girly."

Kat laughed, a dangerous sound. "Maybe you'll like being dead." She held her free hand out, not ting ing him but over his heart, and without thinking she clenched her hand into a fist.

He convulsed, falling back and almost bringing her down with him, but he let her go to clutch at his chest with both hands. He didn't completely understand what was going on but knew that his heart felt like it was being squeezed. Dimly he could see the girl in front of him, teeth clenched and eyes blazing black fire, hand in a fist. But he couldn't fight back, not with the pain taking over everything.

She tightened her fist, her own body shaking with the effort and sudden cold acceptance that she was going to kill him. This was how she had killed her stepfather, and like that time, there was a certain grim satisfaction in destroying something evil.

A hand touched her wrist and she looked down to find Logan staring at her. "Kat, no," he said, his voice full of pain and not all of it physical. "Stop."

She looked back at Creed, at the blood flowing from ears and nose and mouth and realized that even if she stopped now, he'd be dead.

"It's too late," she said, relaxing her hand. She reached for Creed's hand and found no pulse in his wrist. "I killed him." She got to her feet, face emotionless. "I'm going to see if there's a first aid kit in the car."

He watched her walk away, only then seeing the wounds on her leg. He closed his eyes as the wound on hick cck closed, assessing the damage to his body and finding it bearable. He was sitting up when she came back.

"I don't need it," he told her as she opened the kit. "You do, though." He picked her up carefully and carried her to the car, setting her gently in the passenger side seat before cleaning her wounds.

It was only then that she felt the pain, sharp enough to bring tears to her eyes. The marks on her face were mostly on her left cheek, though one claw had caught her high on the forehead. Her jeans had to be ripped along the outside seam to get to the marks there. Logan cleaned them all as gently as he could and put salve on them, amazed that even her healing factor was already making the wounds seem less than a few minutes ago.

Neither looked at or spoke of the body lying ten feet away.

"I'll drive," he said, noting the keys still in the ignition. He slid into the driver's seat after picking up the cellphone lying there, then flipped the phone open. The school's number was on speed dial.

Scott answered.

"We're coming home," Logan said simply.

"Is she ok?"

"She's fine, just a little beat up. We'll be there sometime tomorrow." He shut the phone off without giving Scott a chance to reply. He looked over at Kat and found that she had fallen asleep.

Logan smiled and seatbelted her in, gently brushing her hair back from her face. His heart ached, knowing that he'd pushed her out of his life, but not out of his heart. He loved her, more than he loved himself and his own life, and hoped desperately that they could fix things, that the bond he shared with her wasn't completely broken.

He turned the car towards home.