In Fear of Three Little Words

Chapter 14


Logan rode the elevator up from the garage anxious to talk to Charles about what he’d found out from Fury which wasn’t nearly enough for his satisfaction. He had wanted to find a vulnerable spot in Trask’s armor, but none presented itself for immediate attack. He rubbed his face, fingers running back through his hair. He made his way down the hall to Charles’ office, hoping to find him there.

“He’s in a conference with Amara’s parents,” Hank offered as Logan was about to knock.

Logan turned. “Hank, how are things?”

“As well as can be expected. Come with me. I have some information for you concerning your blood tests.”

“How’s Kurt?” Logan asked, hoping he didn’t sound too anxious.

Hank led the way to his laboratory. “He’s doing well, actually. Out of the infirmary and back in his room. Kitty and Rogue have taken him on as a charity case, I do believe.”

“Good. Good.”

“He’s having some nightmares, but that’s to be expected.”

“No kiddin’. I’d have been surprised if he wasn’t.”

“True.”

Pushing into the lab, Hank gestured to a seat.

“No thanks. I need to get a shower and some clean clothes. Don’t want to offend anyone with four days of grunge.”

“Indeed, Logan. You are a little ripe.”

“Enough chit chat. Whatcha got on the tests.”

Hank’s expression turned pensive. “My friend, I found nothing in your blood. The drug had disbursed completely.”

“But.” Logan couldn’t have heard right. “That’s not possible. I was still feelin’ it. It had to have been there.”

Hank made a non-committal gesture. “All I can tell you is that the sample I took before you left showed nothing unusual. Your healing properties must have cleared it from your system.”

Logan sat abruptly and shook his head. “Are you sure the test wasn’t tainted some how?”

Hank shrugged this time. “I suppose it’s possible. I can draw another if you like though I can’t imagine the drug still being in your system.”

Shedding his jacket, Logan said, “do it. I want to know it’s gone. I want to know I’m safe for these kids to be around.”

“Certainly worth the precaution,” Hank replied and readied a syringe.

Logan watched as Hank slid the needle into his arm and drew blood.

“You know, my friend,” Hank began. “There is another possibility for your feelings...towards Kurt.”

“And just what would that be?” Logan asked, not really wanting to hear Hank’s suggestion, but knowing he was going to get it anyway.

“People who have suffered through a trauma together often form bonds between them. Feelings develop that would not normally surface except under extreme circumstances. You two were forced into intimacy and forced to find a way to work together to survive the ordeal.”

“I raped him, Hank,” Logan said, closing his eyes.

Hank released the rubber band from around Logan’s arm and slid the needle out. “But he doesn’t blame you and he trusted you enough to let you...umm, make love to him.”

Did Kurt think of it that way?

Logan let out a harsh breath. “What am I suppose to do? What if these feelings don’t go away?”

“That I can’t say,” Hank said, patting a cotton ball against a well of blood. The bleeding stopped almost instantly. “What happens between you and Kurt is between you and Kurt. He’s not a child anymore, Logan. He’s grown up right before our eyes over the last few years. He’s a fine young man. Deal with him fairly though, whatever you do.”

“Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve had feelings like this for anyone?”

“Longer than I’d like to guess.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Logan rose and paced away then back to where Hank stood. “He’s on my mind all the time. He’s...under my skin, right next to me all the time. I wonder if he’s okay...wonder what he’s thinkin’. What he thinks of me.”

“I wish I knew what to tell you.”

Logan shook off thoughts of Kurt and said, “I guess it’s gonna to take time for you to check this blood sample.”

“I’m afraid so. I’ll start right away if that gives you any comfort.”

“Comfort’s not in the cards right now,” Logan stated. “I’ll just have to learn to live with that.”

Logan left the lab and thought of trying Charles once again, but what he really wanted was a shower and a shave...and to see the elf. He made it to his room without any hallway confrontations, grabbed clean clothing and headed for the bathroom. The shower felt good, cleansing away days of road grime and nights of sleeping in trees.

But his thoughts rotated around Kurt, while trying to block out the ordeal that had brought him to this place in his life, falling for a young, blue-furred, pointy-eared German kid with beautiful yellow eyes and silky black hair.

Drying off and shaving, Logan started to feel decent again. He pulled on jeans and tee shirt and his favorite boots, his heart pounding hard.

“Get a hold of yourself, Logan,” he muttered. “You’ve seen him a million times.”

But so much had changed, even he had changed.

Slipping out of the bathroom, Logan walked the hallway down to Kurt’s room, took a deep breath and knocked.

“It’s me. Logan. Ya decent?”

Kurt opened the door, eyes wide. “Since when would that matter around here?” he replied.. “Come in. It’s good to see you.”

Logan closed the door behind him and gazed on Kurt. “Hey, how you feelin’?”

Kurt shrugged, looking a little nervous. “Better. Hank let me out of the infirmary as you can see.”

“Yeah, he told me. Said you were doin’ good. I’m glad.”

Logan reached out, needing to touch Kurt. He drew a hand down the boy’s face, checking the cuts along the way. Any excuse would do. “Looks like these bad boys are startin’ to heal.”

Kurt offered his arm and Logan gently took it, stroking the fur back to see the wound.

“Stitches come out the end of next week. It’ll take longer for the fur to grow back where Hank shaved it. You want to sit down? I still get tired standing for long.”

“Why didn’t you say so sooner?”

Kurt wrinkled his nose and ducked his head. “I didn’t want to sound like a wimp.”

Logan lifted Kurt’s chin and gave him half a smile. “I’ll never think of you that way again.”

Kurt moved to the bed and sat on its edge. Logan settled in beside him, his nerves on fire, wanting to touch, wanting to caress soft fur and silk hair. He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath through his nose and let it out his mouth.

“What did you find out?” Kurt asked as if from a great distance.

“Huh? Yeah, right. Fury knew of Trask’s place, but nothing specific. He’s never been inside. It’s top secret, high level security and it looks like the funds are coming from...get this...Homeland Security. Though it’s laundered pretty good before it gets to Trask.”

“What? We saved the world from Apocalypse and now they make us out to be terrorists? We will be the Antichrist next.”

“Yeah, what a great country we’re livin’ in, huh?”

Kurt said nothing, staring off in deep thought. “I worried about you...while you were gone.”

“I worried about you too, elf.”

Kurt looked over at him with bright eyes and sitting close enough to touch.

“You did? But I wasn’t in any danger here. You were out there...somewhere. What if Trask----”

“I’m not gonna get caught three times by the same guy. Twice was too much.”

Kurt nodded, but there was doubt in his eyes and fear. Logan couldn’t resist any longer. He put an arm around Kurt’s shoulders, hand reaching up to stroke dark hair. Kurt leaned into him, relaxing into Logan’s loose embrace.

“I mean it, elf. The next time I see Trask, he’s gonna die.”

“Don’t, Logan. They’ll hunt you. You’ll never be able to rest again. You’ll have to hide.”

“Not if they don’t find the body,” Logan all, but purred into Kurt’s ear.

Kurt turned to him and grinned. “Maybe we could use that machine of Forge’s, the one that slows me down when I teleport and we could dump Trask off on the way. He thinks I’m from hell anyway.”

“Now, you’re thinking straight, kid. Or we could drop him off in the Arctic like we did Sabertooth that time.”

“Oohh! That’s good. I like that.”

It was good seeing a smile on Kurt’s face and Logan let his fingers trail along Kurt’s cheek and down his neck.

“Logan, is this still the drug?”

Logan let out a sigh and drew Kurt closer.

“Hank says it’s not. He says the drug’s gone. He’s doin’ another test to make sure, but...I don’t know, elf. I can’t seem to help myself. I just wanna touch you. I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“You don’t have to. I...like how it feels. I like how you touch me. I’m still confused...trying not to remember that first time, though.”

Logan turned Kurt’s face up to his and looked the boy in the eyes. “I don’t know how to make the confusion go away. Neither of us ever thought of goin’ where we’ve gone, but here we are and I don’t know whether to...roll with it again...or to back off completely. I know what I should do, but it’s not what I wanna do.”

Kurt reached up and drew Logan’s face down, lips brushing lightly then pressing harder, mouth opening against his. Logan responded without hesitation, tongue searching out its mate. He ran a hand down Kurt’s body, his own demanding what his mind tried to fight. He gripped the back of Kurt’s head, holding on tight till Kurt pulled back for breath.

He bent his forehead to Kurt’s, breath coming hard.

“Why aren’t you afraid of me?” he demanded. “Why aren’t you scared to death of my touch?”

Kurt’s muscles quivered beneath Logan’s hand, his other hand still tangled up in Kurt’s hair. Logan tightened his hold and pulled the boy’s head back. Their gazes locked, but still Logan saw no sign of fear. He gritted his teeth against his desires and demanded again. “Tell me, elf. Why aren’t you terrified?”

Kurt shook his head, a small shake hindered by Logan’s hold. “I...don’t know. But I’m not. I have been, but not now.”

“When?” Logan hissed.

“That time...when Kitty and I accidentally got caught on board the jet with you when you had that chip in your head. I was scared then.”

“And?”

Kurt dropped his gaze, but Logan forced him to look up again. Kurt closed his eyes. “The first time...the drug took you. I was afraid.”

Logan took a deep breath and let it out in a low controlled breath. “What about the second time?”

Bright yellow eyes opened and focused on Logan. “You know I was scared...but not of you. I feared the pain, but you made that better...so much better than I’d hoped for.”

“What did you feel?”

Kurt frowned, obviously uncertain of what Logan was asking. “I...don’t understand what you want me to say.”

“I want....” Logan replied, his face inches from Kurt’s. “I want to know how I made you feel. How I make you feel now.”

Kurt stared for a long moment. “Excitement,” he said in a hushed voice. “A thrill down my spine. I feel...umm, pleasure in your arms. I...don’t want it to stop.”

Logan loosened his grip in Kurt’s hair, smoothing the strands back into place. But Kurt didn’t push away after the manhandling. Instead, the boy reached up and touched Logan’s face, drawing him in again for another kiss. Logan’s resistance dropped away and all he wanted was to lay Kurt out on the bed and make love to him, but the taste of blood brought him back abruptly. He pulled back and saw Kurt lick his lip free of blood.

“Ah, elf,” Logan sighed, his breath ragged. “I made your lip bleed.” Logan wiped Kurt’s mouth gently, dabbing at a trace of blood.

“I don’t care,” Kurt said, breathless as well. “I’ve so wanted to do that since you left.”

“You did it all right. Now what am I gonna do with you?”

A knock came at the door and Logan released Kurt, shoving up to sit straight.

“Kurt? Dinner,” Kitty said, sticking her head through the door. “Logan! Great. Dinner’s ready. Hurry it up, we’re all starved.” She disappeared showing no sign of noticing anything unusual.

“Damn. Don’t even help to lock a door around here.” Logan rose and offered a hand to Kurt, pulling him to his feet. But he didn’t let go right away.

“Hey, what about you and Amanda?”

Kurt’s expression turned sour. “You’re out of the loop, Logan. Amanda’s parents sent her to some boarding school in Europe this summer just to get her away from me. They don’t want her dating a mutant. Particularly one who looks like me.”

With a firm grip, Logan pulled Kurt to him, caressing hair and face. “Who I’m lookin’ at, elf, looks pretty damned fine to me.”

“I do?” Kurt sounded hopeful and doubtful at the same time.

Logan grinned. “Yeah, except for the part about lookin’ like hell.”

“Oh, thanks. You’re a real confidence builder.” But Kurt returned the grin.

Logan’s smile dropped away and he replaced it with a serious expression. “You know, we need to keep a low profile right now. We don’t know what’s gonna happen here...between us. And, last time I looked, you’re still a student and I’m still an instructor. That’s not real kosher and it won’t look too good from the outside. Let’s just take things nice and easy. Okay?”

Kurt looked away, but finally met Logan’s gaze and gave a nod. “Okay.”