Playing with Fire

Still don't own them - if you were under any misapprehension to the contrary, please seek professional help.
Another veeeery long chapter. Sorry, that's the way I write (it's the way I talk, too, but you don't have to suffer through that you lucky people). I thought of breaking it up more, but it didn't flow the same to me.


Sorry this took so long to get up. It's been written for, literally, months. Unfortunately, I had a heck of a time finding the additional smut I'd written for this site. I had written it but never put it on the computer. Yeah, I know I'm out of touch - I do most stuff longhand.

Oh, and for the record, I am cruel and vicious to those I love (at least when I know I can play god and make it all better in the end) and I suck at titles (in case you hadn't noticed yet).
This time most German appears in the text as English ie: [German]
There are still a few translations (unfortunately of the half-assed variety) at the end.

Anyway, here it is. Smut galore.


THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE


The first thing Kurt was aware of as he drifted back towards consciousness was that he hurt. He really wished he could just stay unconscious and ignore the various protests from his abused and battered body. Muscles he hadn't even realized he had were aching and burning. He felt distinctly as though someone had spent a few hours working him over with a stick.

_Oh, wait..._ a snippet of memory drifted to him through the pounding in his head. Someone had been working him over. _Logan. Last night. The Danger Room._

He groaned quietly and shifted one arm to protect his aching head from the light that seemed to be penetrating directly to his brain, even through his tightly closed eyelids. _And to think I was actually looking forward to the sunrise_. More bits of memory began to slowly piece themselves together and he remembered not just the Danger Room, but Logan's room after. He groaned again, more loudly this time. No wonder he felt like his head was stuffed full of Tabby's little 'booms'. He didn't remember exactly how much he'd drunk last night, but he was pretty certain, from the way he felt combined with the simple fact that he couldn't remember, that it had been waaay too much.

_Mein Gott I'm going to suffer for that today. I hate hangovers._

He was beginning to have trouble ignoring the insistent pressure in his bladder, but really didn't want to aggravate his head by opening his eyes, or the rest of his body by moving.

_The amazing mutant ability to pee with uncanny accuracy over great distance would be very useful right about now_, he thought without much humor. Gott, I really hate hangovers!

He could almost bring himself to hate Logan as well, as the source of this particular hangover, if it weren't for the fact that the man's rather extreme tactics seemed to have worked. He had a vague recollection of a very interesting, though somewhat disturbing, dream involving Kitty, but he could not recall one nightmare. Since there was no way in hell he was likely to forget one of those, three sheets to the wind or not, that meant that, for the first time since Saturday, he had slept the night through without a guided tour of hell.

_Too bad letting Logan beat the shit out of me and then pour me into bed half-smashed isn't an option for a nightly routine, because I think the hangover and general abuse might actually be a pretty fair trade._

He lay motionless, his eyes shut tight against the morning glare, trying desperately to ignore the jack-hammer working on his brain, until he finally had to concede that his bladder was winning the stand-off.

As he began to contemplate actually getting up and staggering to the bathroom, he was becoming vaguely aware of something else working its way past his assorted aches and into his consciousness. There was a warm weight draped limply over his side and across his chest and something equally warm and...*soft*...pressed firmly against his back. With a growing feeling of alarm, he realized that his tail was wrapped loosely around an appendage that most certainly didn't belong to him and the soft tickle at his neck that he had only just noticed was the gentle exhalation of warm breath ruffling his fur.

He froze, full bladder, pounding head and aching body completely forgotten for the moment, as his memory of the night before came flooding back in vivid, technicolor detail. "Oh sheisse," he groaned, eyes wide in shock, "es war nicht ein Traum." He felt Kitty stir sleepily behind him at his words, her hand drifting lower to run over the fur on his belly while her legs shifted to twine themselves with his. He was becoming acutely conscious of the way her bare breasts were pressing into his back, soft and warm and oh so...

"Oh Gott, ich bin tot. Logan, or Scott or the Professor or someone is going to kill me. Maybe I should just save them all the trouble and die of shame right now, ja? Much easier on all concerned that way ich denke."

He hadn't even realized he'd spoken aloud until a groggy voice behind him snapped him back to the here and now. "What was that Fuzzy? I couldn't hear you," Kitty mumbled behind him. She punctuated her words with a soft kiss to the nape of his neck that set alarm bells jangling through his entire nervous system.

"Uh, Kaetzchen?" He had to concentrate to keep his voice from squeaking.

"Hmmm Fuzzy?" Her voice was warm and low and her breath on his neck made every hair stand on end. Unfortunately, her attentions elsewhere were making something else stand on end and considering the state of his bladder that was amazingly uncomfortable, as well as more than a little disturbing under the circumstances.

Suppressing a groan of mixed pain and embarrassment, Kurt rolled quickly away from her and onto his stomach. Resting his cheek on his crossed forearms, he looked at her hesitantly, features warring between confusion, embarrassment and desire. He tried desperately to suppress the last, but the memory of what they had done was still too vivid in his fuddled mind, and she looked so beautiful and so...vulnerable...lying there, half asleep, her face flushed and the blanket pulled just above her breasts.

He cleared his throat nervously, "did we really...?" He knew they had, couldn't get it out of his mind now that the memory had rushed back, but for some reason he felt an irrational need for independent confirmation of the fact.

"Umhmmm..." The slow smile that accompanied her response sent a shiver right down to his tail tip. Something he was sure she couldn't help but notice as his tail was still wrapped around what he had concluded must be her left thigh. Her only response was to reach out and ruffle her fingers through his tousled hair and then trail them slowly down his back, letting her nails rake through his fur to the skin beneath. His eyes slipped half shut and it was only with effort that he suppressed a gasp of pleasure. It was really all he could do to keep from purring like an overgrown housecat. _How is it that, in all this time, I've never noticed how beautiful she is?_

As her fingers continued down his spine th, he, he began to tense and the purr died in his chest. She stopped before he could say anything, inches short of the base of his tail, just letting her hand rest in the small of his back, fingers idly stroking through his fur.

He opened his eyes to find her staring intently at him, a thoughtful look in her still sleepy blue eyes.

"Um, Kurt..."

"Kaetzchen..."

They spoke at once and then both stopped, each waiting for the other to continue.

He took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice steady as he met her gaze. "We need to talk, Schatz..." he finally managed. She nodded solemnly at this, a shadow of concern crossing her face as he continued. "But, well..." he wrinkled his nose slightly and grimaced in both irritation and embarrassment, "well...first I have got to use the facilities."

She let out a startled snort of amusement, hers eyes sparkling, at this obviously unexpected statement.

"Hey, I drank a lot of beer last night!" he laughed back at her, "that stuff goes right through you."

"That is *definitely* one of the things we need to talk about Fuzzy." She was grinning broadly at him now.

"Why? Are you going to turn me in to Ororo or the Prof.?" he asked, raising one eyebrow in mock challenge.

"I just might," she responded with as much dignity as she could muster while lying naked on his floor wearing nothing but a blanket. "I h"I hate to suggest it Kaetzchen, but your moral authority on the issue might be somewhat compromised under the circumstances." His other eyebrow followed the first and he waggled them at her with a mock leer.

She had been having trouble keeping a straight face before, but that was the last straw. She broke down in peals of breathless laughter.

"Oh, I do love you Fuzzy Elf," she managed to gasp, and he found himself grinning stupidly back at her, the tension he had felt only moments before draining away with her laughter. This was not an ideal situation by any stretch of the imagination, but perhaps it wasn't quite as bad as he had first feared.

Unfortunately, his new position was putting almost excruciating pressure on his protesting bladder and he had reached the conclusion that he was going to embarrass himself shortly if he didn't do something about it.

He craned his neck to scan the room, hoping to catch site of his abandoned clothes from last night. Unfortunately, all he spotted were his boxers, clearly in no condition to be worn again - ever - and a scatter of distinctly feminine clothes. He winced when he caught sight of Kitty's shirt, remembering exactly what he'd done to it the night before. It appeared he had two options, wrap himself in a blanket for the trip across the room, exposing Kitty in the process, or say to hell with it and just go as is. At least, he thought with some relief, his change of position and her laughter had helped...reduce...the potential embarrassment factor involved in walking across the room naked.

"Fair warning Kaetzchen," he told her with an attempt at a grin. "I have got to go and my pants appear to be MIA."

At this announcement she turned the tables on him, raising one eyebrow in her own mock leer. "Don't mind me," she told him in a very good effort at a seductive purr. "I'll be right here when you get back."

He could feel himself blushing to the roots of his hair under her unblinking scrutiny. She obviously had no intention of averting her gaze. Closing his eyes briefly, he reminded himself that it really was a bit late for modesty. Sighing in resignation, he shoved the blanket back, shivering at the shock of the cool spring air after the warmth of the covers and her flesh. He pushed himself briskly to his feet and tried to ignore her eyes on him as he made his way to the bathroom - an effort she promptly foiled.

"Nice ass, Fuzzy, but I'm really looking forward to the return trip!" Her voice was low and pitched just loud enough to carry across the room to him. He snorted in surprise and almost tripped over his own feet at the unexpected comment. He couldn't stop himself from looking reflexively back at her over his shoulder, and when he saw her cover her mouth, apparently in shock at her own words, and blush in embarrassment, he quickly suppressed his own grin.

The moment after he staggered through the bathroom door and closed it behind him, he collapsed against the vanity, laughing silently but so hard that he could barely stand. She was obviously trying very hard to behave however she thought she should under the circumstances, but she was just as obviously as uncertain as he was. _Oh Gott, she is going to be the death of me. But what a way to go!_

Unfortunately, the trip across the room combined with his laughter had served to bring his headache crashing back down on him with a vengeance. He managed to stop laughing long enough to stagger to the commode and abandoned himself to the sheer, mindless relief of emptying his bladder.

He briefly considered stepping into the shower to try and let the hot water work out some of the aches Logan had so kindly left him with, but quickly abandoned the thought. He couldn't leave Kitty out there that long. Instead, he opened up the cold water spigot and stuffed his head under the icy flow. He stifled a shout of shock as the frigid water cascaded over his head and neck and then put his mouth to the faucet and drank until his bladder was again protesting.

_Dehydration. Big, bad side-effect of getting drunk that I don't need._

He finally pulled his head out of the sink and shook like a dog, ignoring both the protests from his head and the mess he made as water flew around the roomroom. He needed food and coffee, desperately and not necessarily in that order, but first he needed to go back to his room and face the enormity of the fact that last night, while roaring drunk, he had taken his best friend's virginity. The fact that she had pretty much offered it up on a silver platter probably had to be addressed as well, but when all was said and done there was no doubt in his mind that fault lay squarely at his feet. He was not, as a rule, prone to queasiness when hung over, but under the circumstances he wasn't really surprised by the violent churning in his gut.


The moment the bathroom door closed behind Kurt, Kitty buried her face in her hands, torn between laughter at the look of shock on his face and mortification at what she'd actually said to him. _Oh. My. God. I can't believe I said that. 'Course, neither can he_, and laughter won out, although that was in large part the result of her subconscious drive for emotional self-preservation. She could laugh or she could cry, and crying would just send her sliding right down the proverbial 'slippery slope.' She had never really thought past last night, never considered the possible awkwardness of 'the morning after,' and damn was it ever awkward. But she'd gotten herself into this with her eyes open and she'd be damned if she was going to be embarrassed or ashamed, especially not in front of Kurt. Unfortunately he seemed to be taking care of that department for the both of them.

She tried not to think of that. She didn't really know what kind of reaction she had expected from him this morning, but surprise, discomfort and shame would not have been on her short list had she bothered to consider the prospect. She could feel tears beginning to prick at the corners of her eyes as she remembered the look on his face when he had rolled over to face her - awkward, embarrassed and confused - and she wondered just how drunk he had been the night before. Had he really not remembered? _Not going to think about this now. Not gonna, just...please don't let it have been a huge mistake._

She could hear the toilet flush and then the sound of running water. He would probably be back soon and he was right, they did need to talk. She'd feel a lot more comfortable doing that with some clothes on. She reached out to snag her underwear and jeans and then looked despairinglythe the remains of her shirt. There was simply no way it was wearable, Kurt had absolutely shredded it in his eagerness to get it off last night and she flushed with the memory. Whatever he might be thinking this morning, last night he'd been at least as eager as she had - and even if he had been drinking he hadn't been yesterday afternoon, or on Saturday, so his reactions couldn't have all been just the beer talking.

She abandoned those thoughts along with the warmth of the blanket and quickly slipped into her panties and jeans and then, folding her arms across her bare breasts, cast another quick glance around the room. There was a duffle on the floor next to the closet, but she didn't really want to go pawing through his stuff. Then she spotthe whe white t-shirt crumpled on the floor halfway between the 'bed' and the bathroom - that would do. She was shivering from the chill spring breeze coming in at the open doors and quickly darted over to snatch up the shirt and pull it over her head then just as quickly turned to close the doors against tarlyarly spring chill.

Warmer now, and feeling much less awkward and vulnerable, she settled down with her back to the wall and waited nervously for Kurt to return.

The cold water, both in him and on him, had helped somewhat with his headache. Now Kurt stood, leaning heavily on the vanity and concentrating on his breathing, willing the nausea that was threatening to overwhelm him to subside. It was a long moment before he felt comfortable enough to move, but finally he bent carefully to retrieve his pants from where he must have abandoned them the night before and slipped into them. Kitty may have joked about looking forward to his 'return trip', but he was certain she wasn't quite as comfortable with their situation as she was trying to pretend and he sure as hell knew he wasn't comfortable with walking out there again stark naked if there was any alternative.

He scrubbed a towel over his face and neck and then, tossing it into a corner, ran his hands through his damp, disheveled hair. He took one more deep breath and, steeling himself, pulled the door open and stepped back out into his room. To his relief he found Kitty fully clothed, in her jeans and his shirt, and sitting propped against the wall across the room. Her earlier bravado had worn off and now she just looked uncertain and perhaps a trifle frightened as she watched him solemnly. She seemed so small and fragile and lovely sitting there, cheeks rosy and hair mussed, and virtually lost in the folds of his shirt.

Looking at her, Kurt realized with a shock how amazingly insensitive and callous he had been when he first woke up. Whatever she had expected from him this morning, he was certain that it had not included the confusion or embarrassment he'd displayed. She was his best friend and he had thought only of himself - his confusion, guilt and worry. What of her? She'd given him a gift last night. Perhaps he hadn't asked for it, might even have refused it under different circumstances. But the fact remained that he hadn't refused, he'd accepted something precious and irreplaceable and then, this morning, he had barely stopped short of running from her. What was she thinking, feeling, now? With a sharp, cold pain in his chest he realized that he hoped, desperately, that, whatever she was feeling, it wasn't regret.

Whether Logan, or anyone else, was going to want his pelt for a rug, whether he could live with the guilt of what he'd done or the fact that he wanted, very much, to do it again, were all considerations for another place and time. Right now, he needed to make this right with her, whatever it took. He plastered a warm smile on his face, hoping that it made it to his eyes, that his fear didn't show, and crossed the room to drop lightly into a crouch at her side.

"Ich liebe dich, Kaetzchen," he told her, the warmth of his voice belying the chill of fear in his heart as he reached out to gently cup her cheek in one large hand. It wasn't what he'd meant to say, it had just slipped out and now it was hanging there between them, beyond recall. Time stood still for an endless moment as her eyes filled with tears and he could hear nothing but the beating of his heart and words, like a prayer, drifting through his mind. _Please don't let her regret it. Please don't let her regret it. Please..._ He was beginning to think his heart might stutter and stop altogether and then, with a muffled cry she threw herself into his arms. "Oh Kurt, I love you too."


"You know, Schatz, this seems remarkably familiar," he commented with a smile as he sat, his back to the wall and a warm armful of Katherine Pryde held comfortably against his still bare chest.

"You know Fuzzy, I think you're right." She burrowed her cheek into the velvety warmth of his fur and tightened her arms around his waist. "I've got some serious deja vu goin' on here."

She tilted her head back to smile at him and he felt his heart lurch and skip a beat. Her blue eyes were dancing with humor and, amazingly, love, and without any conscious thought he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers. It wasn't a passionate kiss, though God knows he still wanted her, just a feather soft brush of his lips - more a way of assuring himself that this was real and she was there, in his arms. She sighed and settled more comfortably against him and he wondered, briefly, why he'd never thought of her romantically before, and realized that it was because he had been so certain that she could never think of him that way, not after how terrified she had been of him at first. She had been safe to joke and flirt with, to become close to, because he had known they would never be more than friends.

_So much for preconceived notions_, he thought with a smile. They certainly still needed to talk, but it was a conversation he thought he could handle at this point. Though there was some part of him that wondered still when she would come to her senses, truly realize what she had done, and hate him for it. He clenched his eyes shut tight, fighting the surge of panic that thought released.

_Nein, not Kaetzchen. She won't do that. She had time, she thought about this and she wouldn't be here if she didn't want to be. Wouldn't do this if she didn't mean it._ He knew that was true, knew beyond doubting, yet still there was a small, dark corner of his soul that wouldn't, couldn't, accept that anyone could feel more than friendship, pity or a twisted lust for something that looked like him.

[You're an animal, a freak...no one *normal* will *ever* want you...]

His eyes snapped open and his heart raced in absolute panic as the Voice slithered along the ragged edges of his consciousness, scrabbling and clawing in thrk ark and threatening to pull him under.

["No. No! It's not true. I'm not an animal!"] He didn't feel himself shaking, didn't realize he'd spoken aloud until Kitty's worried voice cut through the darkness like a knife.

"Kurt? Fuzzy, what's wrong?"

He forced himself to focus on her voice, the warm weight of her in his arms, the concern in her eyes, anything but the panic clutching at him and the darkness closing in. These were real, these were true - not the acid voice mumb in in the darkness. He felt his heart begin to slow as the panic receded and was replaced by embarrassment and shame.

"I'm sorry Kaetzchen," he whispered. He buried his face in the loose tangle of her hair, unable to meet her eyes and the question he knew he'd see there. Gott, this may have been a bad week, but that's no excuse for losing it in front of someone, anyone, especially not Kitty and not now. _Things were just starting to feel comfortable and right and he'd just blown it all to hell._ He almost held his breath, waiting for her response.

"Don't be sorry Kurt. Just, tell me what's wrong, please?

"I, I'm sorry Liebe, but please, please don't ask me that. Bitte? Not now? It, it doesn't have anything to do with you, or...this... Not really." He paused, catching his breath against the words that were tumbling out in a desperate rush. Forcing himself to meet her eyes, he continued, "It was just a...a bad memory, ja? Don't worry Schatz. It's gone now." And it was, mercifully. It was virtually impossible for his uncertainty and paranoia to hold up against the honest concern and love in her eyes.

He felt the tension drain from him as she reached up to stroke his cheek, her fingers trailing through his fur. He could still see the question in her eyes, but he couldn't give her any more answer than that. Not now, maybe never. As she opened her mouth to ask it he silenced her the quickest way he could. Leaning down he caught her mouth with his. Taking full advantage of her already parted lips he dipped his tongue into the warm sanctuary of her mouth. After an initial moment of surprise she responded with all the enthusiasm he could have hoped for, almost fighting him for control, her own tongue darting out to taste him. He shifted his arms to hold her more tightly to him, one hand drifting up to tangle in her hair as he felt her tongue run tentatively along his lips and then dart out to brush along his teeth. He gasped, but didn't pull away. He'd warned her once about the fangs, he'd trust her to remember.

He forced himself to maintain control, though it was a struggle to keep his hands and that verdammt tail from straying onto dangerous ground. They didn't need a repeat of last night. Not now anyway, no matter how much he might wish otherw

It was becoming painfully obvious, though, that Kitty wasn't thinking in those terms, as her hands ran tantalizingly across his chest and back and shoulders, wherever she could reach. He pulled away with a gasp, before things got too heated, and met her eyes with a much more natural smile.

"You know, Kurt, I'm not so far gone on you that I can't tell an attempt to change the subject when I see it." There was no anger in her words, only humor, and she smiled indulgently at him, like he was a small child who only thought he was getting away with something.

"Did it work?" He almost laughed as she punched him playfully in the chest. "I'll take that as a 'yes' then?"

"For now, Fuzzy." Her eyes became serious as she looked at him. "But you do know that you can talk to me about anything, don't you?"

He didn't know how to answer that. She wanted his confidences. Lord knows he'd heard enough of hers. How could he tell her that there were things, too many of them, that he simply wouldn't, couldn't, tell her? It wasn't, he didn't think, that he didn't trust her with them. It wast het he simply couldn't bear the thought of her knowing of such ugliness. He couldn't burden her with that. He took a deep breath and then, with a silent prayer, took the coward's way out.

"So Liebe," he grinned broadly at her. "Do you often sneak into boys' rooms and seduce them in the night?"

The way her face fell and...crumpled...was not quite what he had been expecting. "How could you...How dare you..." she was almost spluttering with rage and he could feel her tensing in his lap as her hands pushed spasmodically at his chest. He was on the thin edge of being physically assaulted, he realized with a jolt.

_Talk about a poor choice for humor to lighten the mood._

"Liebe, das tut mir Leid. I'm sorry. That was...it was uncalled for. Rude. I didn't mean it how it sounded, truly. I am so, so sorry." He could feel her beginning to relax as his panicked flow of words drowned out her now muffled protests.

"I'm sorry Schatz," he said again. "It was a stupid, stupid thing to joke about."

"Yes, it was Kurt." He saw the tears in her eyes and realized, too late, that he should have known that it would hurt her. "It was a really stupid joke."

He let his tail tighten around her waist in what he hoped was a comforting grip as he stroked her unkempt hair with one hand and her back with the other. Her hands were still pushing lightly at his chest, protesting his attempts to pull her to him again.

"You must think I'm...I'm..."

"Nein Kaetzchen. Nein. I am so sorry, Liebe."

"I would never...with just...anyone..."

"Oh Gott Kitty. I know that. Don't you think I know? After last night, how could I not?" His gut clenched in discomfort as they staggered through this verbal mine-field. Every word had the potential to blow up in their faces now.

"Schatz. Remember what we promised yesterday?" He looked her in the eye, willing her to see all the love and respect he had for her. She nodded slowly.
"No more misunderstandings," she almost whispered.

"Ja, no more misunderstandings," he echoed. "Please, Kitty, understand that I didn't mean that. I would never think that of you. But," he paused for breath. "Understand too that, well, that I wish you had told me." He saw the confusion in her eyes.

"Told you what Kurt?" she asked, not quite defensively.

"That it was," he looked awkwardly at his hands, her hands, the floor, anything but her eyes, "that it was your...first time Liebe. You deserved better than a drunken tumble on the floor for your first time and...well... honestly? I deserved to know what...what I was...doing." He still couldn't meet her eyes. This was perhaps the most awkward conversation he could ever mbermber being a party to.

"Oh, believe me Fuzzy, you knew exactly what you were doing! There's no doubt on that point." He glanced up at her words, not sure if he was grateful or annoyed at her attempt to lighten the mood. Her face was flushing almost scarlet, and he tried to ignore the obvious question in her eyes. But then, "You know, I'm more than a little curious about just where and when you learned...that...uh, stuff?"

_Oh. Mein. Gott. Land mines everywhere._

"Um, gentlemen never tell?" he tried with a look of wide-eyed innocence.
"Kurt, gentlemen don't do the things you did last night!" He would have worried more if she hadn't been laughing as she said it, but it still hurt to hear.

_Hurts to hehe the truth?_ He maintained his smile through force of will, but couldn't maintain eye contact.

_No, they don't meine Liebe. You're so right, they don't._

She had to be able to see his blush, even through the fur. _I must be purple by now,_ he thought with something close to despair. _How did things go this far down hill again?_

Her laughter died and he looked up again, at a gentle touch on his cheek, to see she had sobered abruptly.

"Kurt?" Her voice was hesitant, worried. "You didn't really think I'd...well...that...I mean...?" She looked both disappointed and disturbed as her voice trailed away uncertainly and her luminous blue eyes locked with his.

"Ach, Kitty. I...I don't know what I thought, if I ever did, really. It was...was your business, what you did or didn't do with Lance and...well... You seemed to love him, or to think you did, and...there were times, even I admit, when...well, he seemed to genuinely...care...for you." He was intensely uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. _When was I last comfortable with this conversation at all, though?_ "I suppose I just...well...I just assumed you had been...intimate... You were together so long and..." He couldn't meet her eyes, yet again, as his voice trailed away into embarrassed silence. He was more than a little ashamed to realize just what he had assumed.

"It's all right Kurt." Her voice was soft and tentative. "I suppose, really, it was kind of a.asonasonable...assumption. To be honest, the only reason I managed to, like, put him off so long was because he, like, lived in terror of what Mr. Logan might do to him if he found out."

When he finally forced himself to meet her eyes, she favored him with a rather embarrassed smile. "It's obviously not like I'm incapable of jumping into bed with someone after all. Look at what I just did," she rambled, almost incoherently. Her smile faded and she looked close to tears.

_Please don't let her regret it. Please...,_ the litany sprang up immediately at the lost and sorrowful look in her eyes. _Don't make her regret it, Arschloch._

"I can't...can't really give you any good excuse Kurt. Other than...other than I..."

"Don't Kaetzchen. You don't have to. It's all right." He poured all the conviction he could muster into those words.

"No. No, it's not all right!" Her voice had lost its hesitancy, though she still looked cast adrift. "It's not all right. I did sneak into your room and seduce you. You may have meant it as a joke, but call a spade a spade! I even knew you were drunk before I started anything. God help me, you told me flat out. I can at least tell you why, or try to..."

She had been in his lap still, but holding herself away from him. Now she shifted slightly and slid onto the floor next to him. Sitting cross-legged she folded her hands in her lap, staring at them for a moment before looking up at him. With a very somber look she took a deep breath and began in a steady voice...

"When I first came here Kurt, I was afraid. Afraid of what I was and what I could do. What I couldn't help doing. I didn't want to be different, didn't want to leave my family. I just wanted everything to go back to the way it had been. I'm not proud of that now, but it's true." She paused briefly, gathering courage to go on, and it was all he could do to neither interrupt nor wince in anticipated pain at what he knew was coming.

"When I first met you, Kurt, I was absolutely terrified."

I remember Kitty. I just wish I could forget. He forced himself to breath, stay calm, give her the hearing she needed. He knew the courage this was taking.

"The Professor, well, he tried to prepare me. So did Jean. But I, well, I didn't really take them seriously. I was too busy worrying about me to pay attention to what they said. I don't know what I thought, except...well...I was sure it couldn't be as...as..."

_Go on Kaetzchen, just say it. Get it over with._

"...as bad as they made it sound." He winced as she continued, "and then I met you and you were, like,..."

"Everything that every mutant hopes to never be, but fears they might become," he finished for her, unable to keep the pain from his face or voice. That may not have been quite what she'd planned to say, but he gave her credit for being honest enough not to contradict him.

"I still can't apologize enough Kurt. I know that doesn't take the hurt away, doesn't make it any more defensible, but I am so sorry." Her eyes were shining with unshed tears and he didn't trust himself to speak. As the first crystal droplet ran down her cheek he reached out to gently brush the moisture away with one velvet covered knuckle.

"You know how hard it was for me to get past that at first, Kurt. But, well, once I saw you instead of...instead of your mutation... Kurt, you're the berienriend I've ever had. You're always there for me. You always seem to know what to do, what to say... You notice, really notice and...and care how I feel, what I think. You listen to me, and you take me seriously - even when I say 'like' or 'totally' every third word." She smiled tremulously at him.

"I've been so...scared...ever since, well, you know. But being with you always makes it seem like everything will be okay. Like, if the 'Fuzzy Dude' can still pull pranks and crack jokes then, well, it can't really be all that bad."

She rubbed nervously at her face and he could see her visibly gathering the strength to continue. He could hardly breathe as he listened to her voice crack with emotion, but he forced his eyes to remain on her face.

"I guess, well, I never really realized what was happening. I mean, I suppose I was so busy trying to hang on to what illusion of normalcy I could that I...I didn't realize until Saturday that, somewhere along the line, I stopped wanting 'normal.' That what I really wanted was...was you. I guess I've probably loved you for a while now." She wasn't looking at him anymore, which was just as well, because slack jawed astonishment wasn't, he thought, his most flattering look. "I just couldn't let myself realize it before. I was still too afraid - not of you Kurt, not for a long time - too afraid of me. Of admitting that this is me forever and always and that I'll never be normal again."

"And that's okay. Because I don't want to be normal if it would mean not having you in my life. I was so frightened this week, when I thought I'd driven you away...I thought I'd lost you. I guess that when I realized I hadn't, it made me even more frightened of all the ways I really might lose you. The world...well, it doesn't seem like a very safe place anymore, you know?" She looked questioningly at him, eyes full of tears, and he nodded mutely, thinking it best not to tell her that he had never thought it very safe to begin with.

"That's it, really, I suppose. I guess it's not a very good excuse for jumping my best friend without warning in the middle of the night. I could try and claim I just came to talk, I suppose. I even told myself that's what I was doing - that the...uh, the...condom...was just in case. But really...honestly," she looked him in the eye and he met her wavering gaze in muhockhock. "I had every intention of getting laid last night Fuzzy. Whether I admitted it to myself or not - I can at least be honest now. I'm sorry if that shocks you, or disappoints you, and I'll understand if you're angry. But I just wanted you to know that I really do love you Fuzzy, and the only thing about last night I can bring myself to regret is if it's driven you away." She dropped her eyes again at the end. Unable to meet his glowing amber gaze, she stared fixedly at her hands where they rested in her lap.

Kurt stared at her, dumbstruck, his jaw working soundlessly as his brain struggled to prs ths the information she'd just dumped on him. She _loved_ him? She loved _him_? She had no regrets except...?

He saw the first tear fall, almost in slow motion, sliding down her cheek to disappear in her hair where it hung loose around her face.

_Why doesn't she wear it loose more often?_ His brain seemed incapable of rational thought. _Screw rational thought!_

He reached almost convulsively for her - with both hands and his tail - and pulled her, not quite roughly, into his lap.

"No regrets, meine Liebe," he whispered hoarsely into her hair. "Never any regrets meine schoene Liebe." _To hell with self control._ He tilted her head back and buried his face at her throat with a moan, breathing in the scent of her, feeling her pulse flutter against his lips. He felt her surprise and confusion, but ignored them as he let his hands roam freely - grasping, kneading, stroking - and felt her begin to relax and respond.

As he lowered her gently to lie beneath him, she whispered softly into the fur of his chest, "no, no regrets..."


Their joining this time was quick and almost desperate. Clothes were rapidly and carelessly discarded as they both struggled frantically for the comfort and reassurance of physical contact - as much and as quickly as possible. Some small corner of Kurt's mind protested that sex was not, should not be, a tool or a test, but the rest was fogged with pain and need and the scent of Kitty's mixed distress and desire.

He felt an almost overwhelming need to take everything she'd offered, and in the taking somehow prove that last night had been neither a fluke nor a mistake. Taking her, loving her, now, stone cold sober and in the full light of day, would somehow make everything that had gone before real.

She was as frantic as he was, and her hands and lips on his body left a searing fire everywhere they touched. He couldn't remember ever feeling such an aching need before.

"Oh Gott Kaetzchen, I want you...need you, so bad it hurts..." he groaned into her neck, punctuating his words with sharp nips from his fangs that stopped just short of breaking the skin. Her only answer was a shuddering, incoherent mewl as she pressed her hips up to meet his. It was all he could do not to take her right then as he felt her thrust urgently against him, as ready as he was. The heat and wetness of her were driving him wild.

Instead he scrambled frantically for his wallet and the small stash of condoms contained therein, silently thanking Scott and his Boy Scout approach to life for the fact that every male teen in the house had at least two in his wallet - just in case. _Danken Sie Gott, for 'just in case.'_

He gasped in surprise, his eyelids fluttering and his eyes rolling back, when Kitty reached up with trembling hands to tentatively touch him...there... _Oh Goes..es..._before fumblingly trying to help roll the condom into place. The feel of her delicate hands on him, shaking with both nervousness and desire, the look in her clear blue eyes, it was very nearly too much and he batted her hands away with an almost feral growl as he finished the job himself. And then...then he was inside her with one smooth, powerful thrust and he was aware of nothing but the feel of being totally enveloped in the searing heat of her body as she clasped her legs tight around his hips and arched her body up to meet him.

Everything else dwindled into oblivion, as though the whole of the world had narrowed to nothing beyond the crush of his lips against hers, the feel of her body pressed beneath him and the almost frantic rhythm of his thrusts as he buried himself in her. She was gasping and moaning now, louder with each passing moment, and her fingers scrabbled roughly through the fur on his back, his ass, as she pulled him to her, matching his urgency with her own.

"Yes...please, don't stop..." her voice was almost a whimper and it sent a jolt straight to his cock. His face twisted in a snarl and he growled deep in his chest as he...pounded...into her...gasping for each breath.

"Come on meine Liebe...come for me...." he whispered harshly into her ear. She made a noise he could only think of as a...squeak...of surprise and then he felt her body tense beneath him and around him as her orgasm washed over her. He was taken completely by surprise when her soft lips at his shoulder were suddenly replaced by her teeth as she bit down hard to stifle a shriek, and then she might as well not have bothered as he threw back his head with a bellow, the unexpected stab of pain driving him over the edge into ecstasy as he thrust deeply, almost violently, into her one last time and spent himself inside her.


Kitty shuddered in reaction, the last waves of her climax washing over her and leaving her warm and sated. She welcomed Kurt's solid weight as he settled against her, his breathing s har harsh and labored. For one moment she had the irrational thought that his body pressing down on her was the only thing keeping her from floating away. God, he loved her. He loved her and he wanted her and...

She giggled as he nibbled gently at her neck, the fur on his cheeks tickling her. He rolled off her then, and she missed the warm weight of him as he rolled briefly away from her, fiddling with something that she realized, after a moment's thought, must be the used condom. Then he was back, settling on his side, still pressed tight against her but propped up on one elbow so that he could look down at her. He lips were quirked in a slight, mischievous smile as he reached over to cradle her cheek tenderly in one large hand and golden eyes shone warmly at her, with none of the hurt or confusion she'd seen pass across them earlier.

"What are you thinking Fuzzy?" she asked, smiling.

She could have sworn his cheeks darkened with a blush and he ducked his head almost shyly. Shyly! After what they'd just done. "Well?" she prompted, almost overcome with curiosity at his odd response.

"You're going to think me a dreadful lecher, Liebe," he warned her, his voice warm and slightly hesitant - and now she was positive he was blushing. She shivered as the hand cupping her cheek shifted to trail lightly down her neck and chest until it rested lightly over her left breast. "I was thinking..." He leaned in until his lips just brushed her ear. "That I would very much like," his tongue darted out to trace a warm line along the shell of her ear. "To do that to you again," he finished in a low growl and she gasped as he nipped lightly at her ear, at the same time rolling her nipple gently between thick fingers.

She pulled away from him with a breathless laugh as she felt his growing erection press lightly against her thigh. "I thought you guys needed an hour or two to recover before you could manage a repeat performance Kurt?" she asked, one eyebrow raised in diief.ief.

He shifted slightly and looked down at her with a slow smile, his dark hair falling like liquid silk to tickle at her face and neck. "What can I say," he whispered as he bent to softly brush his lips across hers while his hand glided tantalizingly across her bare flesh. "I am young..." he pressed more firmly, his lips warm and insistent against hers, and she felt bre breath catch. "And you," another, deeper, kiss. "Are beautiful...." The last was an almost inaudible purr against her lips before he swept his tongue out to taste her. She parted for him with a soft moan and reached up to twist a hand into the fine silky hair at the nape of his neck.

"You," she giggled as he broke away to brush his lips across her jaw and down to the hollow of her throat. "Are incorrigible, Herr Wagner."

"It's taken you this long to notice?" he asked, peering devilishly up at her from beneath indigo brows. "I've been doing something wrong, apparently." Grinning wickedly he bent to press his lips to the top of one breast, then the other, his velvet fur brushing and tickling her as he moved.

The only sounds for a very long time after that were soft gasps or moans of pleasure as they slowly explored each others' bodies; intent on memorizing every plane and curve as they learned how best to please each other. Kitty had never imagined anything like it. When she'd thought of sex, it had been in the rather clinical terms of the sex ed videos at school, or the raunchy, yet somehow just as clinical, talk from the girls' locker room. Her only experience had been Lance's sloppy, cigarette flavored kisses and rough, awkward groping. This was so totally unlike any of that, that she briefly wondered how any of it could possibly be related.

His hands and lips wandered, literally, everywhere, and her embarrassment at being touched and...tasted...so intimately rapidly disappeared, swamped beneath rolling waves of pleas Sh She did her best to return the favor and was startled to find as aas as uncomfortable about her paying attention to his hands, of all things, as she had been about his detailed exploration of her most private bits. It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that he was self-conscious of their 'deformity'. It took a little time and effort to convince him to surrender to her ministrations as she gently pried his hands open, then trailed her lips and tongue and teeth across his rough palms and along his strong, thick fingers. The contrast to the silk velvet of his fur was amazing and his sharp gasps of pleasure were intoxicating to her. He might have all the 'experience', but it was more than obvious that she was managing to please him.

Perhaps the greatest surprise was his response when she grinned playfully at him and bent to drop a light kiss at the head of his throbbing erection. She'd had to nerve herself to do it, but his enthusiastic response when she'd stroked and rubbed at him had encouraged her to be daring. Besides, if he could do that for her, the least she could do was return the favor. She looked up at the sharp hiss of his indrawn breath and knew, with absolute certainty, that no one had ever done this for him before. There was no mistaking the look of pleased surprise on his face. The knowledge that this was something new and obviously pleasurable for him sent a warm jolt through her and she bent to her self-appointed task with almost childish eagerness.

She wasn't disappointed by his response. He moaned and gasped beneath her as she used her hands, lips, tongue and even teeth to drive him almost to a frenzy. He twisted his hands almost convulsively in her hair and his tail twined rhythmically around her thigh, its tip stroking oh...so...close...to her hot center.

"Oh...Gott, Liebe...jah..ah...bitte...don't...don't stop..." His voice was hoarse and his accent thick in a way that sent waves of heat lancing through her belly and crotch and she didn't want to stop if it meant hearing him...beg...like that. She redoubled her attentions, aching for him but loving every moment she had him completely at her mercy - the effort wasn't wasted.

His body was drawn as tight as a bowstring, every muscle tense and straining beneath her, and he seemed to have been reduced to incoherent moans and growls as he urged her on. The working of his tail, so close and yet so far from where she wanted...needed...it, was becoming maddening when abruptly, before she could react, he was levering himself up and pushing her almost roughly away.

"What happened to 'don't stop' Kurt?" she asked him breathlessly. His only response was a burning look and an almost snarl as he pulled the last condom from his wallet.

"Liebe dich," he murmured hoarsely against her ear moments later as he covered her body with his own and plunged without hesitation into her slick folds.

"Love you too Fuzzy," she gasped, before losing herself in the feel of him filling and stretching her, the rhythm of her pounding heart, and the rhythm of his body as he moved above and within her.




TRANSLATIONS:
Es war nicht ein Traum - it wasn't a dream
Oh Gott, ich bin tot - Oh God, I'm dead
ich denke - I think
Ich liebe dich - I love you
verdammt - damned
Liebe, das tut mir Leid - I'm sorry love.
Arschloch - asshole
meine schoene Liebe - my beautiful love