Shiva

SHIVA—CHAPTER THIRTEEN (NC-17)

 

A/N I’m back from the wilds of San Antonio with another
chapter of the story! Trillions of tons
of thanks to Foxfeather for being a kick-ass beta and being pretty groovy in
general. She rocks—go read her
fic. Now. I command thee. Then come back and read mine. ;p
Thanks oodles and bushels to those who reviewed—you make me all wobbly
in the knees. The commune is almost
ready…

 

 

 



“Can she
hear me?”

“Of course
she can—don’t be obtuse! She’s not
deaf, just still.” The man leaned into
Ruth’s line of sight. His face bore no
expression save that of mild curiosity, making Ruth feel like a specimen.

The woman’s
low voice sounded again, “Why is she so still?’

“Shock, my
dear, shock…All of this becoming is quite hard on a body. And she’s so young…” The man smiled now and Ruth quailed
inside. I’m dead.

“Can we
test her now?”

“Not quite
yet, Mystique. There’s another
procedure I need to run first…”

Not
again…not again…Ruth tried her hardest but she still could not move, not
even a finger. She was strapped to a
surgical table with metal bands, naked and shaven-headed. The man had said it was necessary to shave
her head to prevent burning her hair when they activated the machine. What is the machine? Ruth tried to speak but only managed a weak
strangled noise as Mystique and Magneto released the brakes on the gurney and
pushed her towards a large circle of metal suspended from the ceiling. Burns, burns, burns… The band around
her head was studded with electrodes to convey the current set into motion by
the larger band overhead, glowing now with some inner fire of it’s own. The current moved through her body, through
her restraints, making her feel like she was in a vat of acid. Ruth stopped fighting days ago, three by her
counting, finding it easier to let the pain wash over her, to let it become
part of her. She tried to send her pain
away as she had before, make it become the pain of the others and not herself,
but she found it rebounded. Mystique
had growled at her, pushing her face close to Ruth’s and bit out ”You do not
know whom you’re playing with, child. I
have shields that you cannot even begin to imagine.”

“Now, Ruth,
breathe deeply.” Magneto was making
some adjustments on a switchboard and Mystique had slipped behind a thick door,
reminding Ruth of the radiology lab at the hospital. The current began and Ruth felt her brain scream to arch against
it, to struggle, but she could not. A
faint green gas came from small pores in the metal overhead and hazed her
vision, burning into her lungs and nose, making her eyes water.

Magneto made clucking noises and
Ruth saw a vision of her grandfather dance before her eyes. Zedye was talking
to another man in the kitchen, both sipping on strong black coffee. “So many
things you have done for my family, Eric.
We can never repay you.”

The
other man had replied, “You know how you can repay me, old friend.” Ruth had been hiding near the stove, cool
since dinner had not yet been started.
The man had seen her, she knew, because of the way his eyes widened
slightly in acknowledgement. She smiled
at him, waving in the way that three-year-olds do to people they like. “When she is older, she will be of great
help to me.”

“Eric…what
you are asking…” Zedye[1]
had shaken his head, staring into the depths of his coffee.

“Is
small repayment for getting you out of trouble back home, eh?” The man was quiet, and his voice scared Ruth
even then. “Ruth, child, come see your
uncle Eric.” She had come to him then,
shyly, twisting her dress between her fingers.
“How old are you?’

“This
many.” She held up two fingers on her
left hand, one on her right. “How
old’re you?”

The
man laughed, and then made a clucking noise in the back of his throat. “Onougnough not to answer that
question!”

It was the clucking noise that
snapped Ruth back to the present.
Magneto made it again, and it struck her like a blow to the chest. Her breath came in short, harsh gasps as the
reality of her situation pulled at her like an undertow. Uncle Eric, the man who saved me from the
mental hospital…He and this blue lady are together. I’m trapped in my own body and they’re going to kill me.

 

 

Jamie glared at Jubilee, jutting
out his lower lip in a winsome pout.
“You let me win.”

“Did not, dude! You kicked my ass fair and square.” Jubilee sighed theatrically and tossed her
video game controller onto the couch. “Hate
to sound like an old fuddy duddy, but I got tons of homework to finish
tonight.”

“Oh. Can I sit with you? I’m done with all of mine.” Jamie felt his insides quake. Lately, being alone with Jubilee did that to
him. She nodded absently and picked her
English Lit book up from where she dropped it at the start of the game. “Whatcha reading?”

“Where are you going, Where have
you been?[2] You’d like it—real creepy.” Jubilee
grinned at him then over the top of her book.
“You all done for real?”

“Yeah—got a test on Thursday in
pre-algebra, but no biggie.” Jamie
shrugged, trying to affect nonchalance.
“Math is easy.”

“You’re lucky—I think I’m
arithmetically dyslexic. Get the
numbers all back asswards.” Jubilee
sighed and returned her attention to the story. “Gotta write a paragraph on this story and answer five
questions. After this…fun joy biology
lab notes. Ugh.”

“Don’t forget you’re supposed to
help Amara with her history.”

“Sheesh. Thanks, J-man. Almost had
a good evening there…” She rolled her
eyes and nudged him with her foot.
“Don’t pout…just messin’ with ya.”


Jamie nodded sagely. “I know—she rubs you the wrong way,
huh?” Jubilee nodded and Jamie let her
read on in silence as he studied her features.

She was his best friend and he had
told her almost everything except for his new secret, the one that Remy knew. I hope he doesn’t tell her…how can she
like him? Okay, he’s older and he can drive, so I guess those are points in his
favor. But Jubilee isn’t that much
older than me and we always have fun together.
I mean, I would never make her get all dressed up and wear makeup just
to go out on the lake. We do that all
the time in the summer and she just wears her swimsuit. Jubilee…bikini…I think this is what Remy
called a hormonal surge. Jamie
shook himself mentally and sighed.
Jubilee arched a brow and he smiled as if to say “every thing is fine,”
and ed hed his attention to flipping through her biology lab book. “So…what kind of notes you have to do?”

“Just have to check and make sure
they’re no glaring errors, really. Dot
my t’s, cross my I’s…”[3]

“Ah.” Jamie glanced at her latest notes as Jubilee scribbled in her
English binder. A clever plan was
forming in his pubescent brain and he knew he would have the time to do it
while she was involved with her writing.
Quietly, he dug her biology book out of her backpack and flipped to the
chapter the notes pertained to. As
Jubilee answered her English questions, Jamie crosschecked the facts in her
notes, spell-checking the words he was not sure of against the glossary in the
back of the heavy textbook. Jubilee
sighed and closed her binder, casting about for her science notes and finally
seeing Jamie, sitting like the cat that got the canary, with her bio books in
his lap. “All done!”

“What?” She asked, more than a little confused.

“I cross checked everything and you’re
good—not a mistake.” Jamie beamed
happily, his eyes crinkling with inner mirth.
Let’s see Remy do that!

“Jamie!
Oh! That was so sweet of you!” Jubilee stood, dumping the books in her lap
onto the floor and rushing to Jamie. “Gimme
a hug!” She dropped to the couch next
to him and threw her arms around his neck.

Jamie caught his breath, feeling an
embarrassing rush of heat to his face and then to lower reaches. Oh, no!
Not now! Jubilee had let him
go and was chattering happily about how great a guy he was and how much he had
helped her out, taking a load off her shoulders. A strange urge overcame Jamie then. All he could see was Jubilee’s smile, how her lips bore a faint
trace of the pink lipstick she had worn to school that day, how her eyes were
the same color as robins’ eggs, how her nose crinkled when she laughed. How
hard can it be? Kurt does it, Scott
does it, Remy—ugh!—does it a lot…Evan’s probably done it… Jamie licked his lips and scoot closer to
Jubilee but she did not seem to notice; she was going on about how little she
wanted to help Amara but how she knew she should and how it was a little wrong
of her to want to just go to bed and leave the other girl twisting in the
wind. Jamie wished he had asked one of
the older guys for details when they were talking about this sort of thing, but
he knew in his heart of hearts that only Kurt would have been likely to explain
things but even then, he would not have done so out of respect for Kitty. Damn
it. Should have asked him when he was
with Boom Boom. He’d have told me then…
Oops. I think she just asked me a
question…”Hmm?”

“I said, do you want to yoink[4]
a brownie from the kitchen?” Jubilee
quirked a brow at him, making as if to rise.


Now or never…Before he could
lose his courage, Jamie closed his eyes and leaned forward, pressing his lips
in the general vicinity of Jubilee’s mouth.
Her lips were still parted in askance when he did it and, for one brief
moment, she was kissing backback. He
felt an overwhelming elation as her mouth moved against his—Yes! My first kiss! Jubilee is kissing me and I’m kissing her and oh, God I’m dizzy…He
opened his eyes to see Jubilee staring back at him. Her blue orbs were wide with shock and he experienced a feeling
of profound separation as she pulled away.


“What…I mean…huh?”
She blinked hard twice and stared at him, making him feel suddenly one
inch high.

“I, uh…I kissed you.” And you
kissed me…

Jubilee did not seem to want to
believe this, her forehead crinkling in confusion before a light of
understanding flooded her features. “I
get it! There’s some chickie at
school you’ve got it bad for and you
wanted to practice on ol’Jubes, the safe best friend, before pulling a move on
her? That’s cool—just warn a gal, huh?” She seemed relieved, making Jamie feel ill.

“Um, Jubilee,” he said very
quietly, “there is no girl at school.
It’s you.”

“Smack me
with a trout. What?” She did look absolutely gobsmacked, making
Jamie feel guilty anew.

His face
was redder than Scott’s glasses. “I,
um, like you. A lot.”

“Jamie…I
don’t know what to say to that.”
Jubilee rested her head in her hands and let out a sharp bark of
disbelief.

He took a
deep breath and mustered all the manly courage his young body held. Leaning forward to meet her averted eyes,
Jamie rested a hand on her back, making her twitch. “Look, I don’t care that you kissed Remy or whatever. I mean, I like you a lot and it doesn’t
matter that you used to steal stuff…I just like you for you.”

Kid has
no fucking idea about how my life used to be…he’s too young. Hell, he’s only two years younger than me,
but he’s so goddamned innocent!
Jubilee felt a tear streak down her cheek. Jamie leaned closer anatteatted her cheek where the tear track lay.
Jubilee felt sadness well up inside her. He is going to make some girl insanely happy one day. She turned her head just slightly to
look at her friend and wanted to cry outright.
He looked so hopeful and so nervous that she almost kissed him then just
to save him from being hurt. Steeling
herself, she took a shaky breath and said “Jamie, I love you to death but not
like that. I just…”

“It’s Remy,
isn’t it?” His voice had become hard,
surprising the Asian girl. She had
never heard him sound angry like that before.
“He just comes in here and makes you fall all over him and Rogue is all
googly over him…” Jamie slapped his
fist against his hand. “I’m not a kid,
you know. I’m a teenager, like
you. Just because I’m short or a grade
lower…” He lost his head of steam then,
staring at Jubilee’s wet eyes. “Why
not?”

Jubilee
lost it. She felt the tears spill out
of her eyes and leapt to her feet.
Without a backwards glance, she ran from the room and up the stairs,
knocking Rogue down in the process. “Watch
it, speedy!” Rogue called out. Wonder what that was all about? Rounding the corner, she caught sight of
Jamie sitting alone in the rec room, resting his forehead in his hands. “Hey, man.
‘Sup?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.”

“You sure?” Against her will, she felt compelled to make
sure the boy was alright. She moved
close to him, standing just out of arm’s reach.

“No.” He sobbed silently and turned his face away
from the girl. “Go away. Please.”


“No.” Feeling contrary, Rogue plopped herself into
the loveseat across from Jamie and crossed her arms in defiance. “Spill.”

“Guy stuff.” He hoped this would make her go away.

“Ah.” Rogue shifted and looked around. “Um, need me to get a Y-chromosome down
here?”

“No…just
leave me alone…” Jamie sniffed
dangerously. “I don’t need anyone. Besides, who wants to spend time with a kid?”

Rogue felt
her heart tighten. Shit. “Jamie,” she said quietly, dropping to her
knees to look at him. “We done you
wrong, ain’t we? Look, I know what
lonely feels like…I think I know almost better than anyone. You can, um…you can talk to me about it, if
you want?” She phrased it as a
question, not sure if she were asking permission of herself or just lax in her
syntax.

Jamie
raised weary eyes to regard the Goth and stared at her disbelievingly. “It’s not the same. Not at all.”

“Sure it
is, Jamie. You’d be a little surprised
at what I know about lonely.” Like
it sometimes isn’t all that bad…She flinched as Jamie rose, almost brushing
her skin. “Where you going?”

“Bed.” Without once looking back, Jamie was
gone.

Rogue knelt still in the rec room,
staring at her hands. “Fuck.”

“Do you need some time alone then?” Kurt’s voice shattered the stillness of the
room like a gunshot through a window.

“Damn it! Make some noise sometime!”
Rogue rose quickly to her feet and willed her expression into
calmness. The lack of a sulfur smell
told her he had walked there from wherever he had been. “Stomp when you walk or talk to
yourself! You’re too damned quiet!”

“Sorry, Rogue…” Kurt sighed. “Guess I’m just too much the Nightcrawler sometimes.”

“What’s this? All male mutants are down on themselves
tonight?”

“Huh? Who else is upset?” Kurt
advanced towards his half-sister. “Remy?”

“Why does everyone think I know
Remy’s moods inside and out?” Rogue
shook her head. “It’s Jamie…he said it
was guy stuff but I think he’s just feeling left out.”

Kurt snorted. “He should talk to me. I can tell him all about left out.”

“Ditto…Where’s your better half,
anyway?”

“Last night of shiva. She’s in bed now. “ Kurt sighed again and sat down, propping his
feet on the coffee table.

“And you’re not with her?” Rogue flopped on the couch near Kurt.

“Not even funny. I’m a human-sized wad of testosterone.”

“Eeeeeeew.” Rouge wrinkled her nose and scooted away
from Kurt. “That’s nasty, Elf boy!”

“Sorry…been hanging around the
science lab too much, I think. What’re
you doing down here, anyway?”

“Wanted some hot tea and got
sidetracked by Jamie. You?”

“Wandering. Kind of.”
He had actually been going to call his mother until he realized, once in
the small phone room, exactly what time it was in Germany and decided that
maybe his mother would not appreciate hearing from him at two in the
morning. The rec room had been his next
stop, just out of habit. Finding Rogue there,
someone to talk to, was a nice upswing to the evening.

“Ah. Gotcha, bro.” The two
settled into a comfortable patter, mostly about school and carefully avoiding
discussion of their respective love lives out of some sort of sibling respect
for privacy, until Logan came lumbering in through the kitchen via the
mudroom. “Hey, Wolf-man.”

“Wolverine, Rogue. And unless my claws are out, it’s Logan—MISTER
Logan, to you.” He sounded gruff but
Kurt caught the glint of humor in the older man’s eyes. “What’re you two doing up? Ain’t you got school tomorrow?”

“Yeah…on my way for tea. Y’all want some chamomile?” Rogue was half way into the kitchen when she
turned to ask.

“Nein, I’m good.”

“Ugh. Tea. I don’t drink sissy
drinks.” Rogue snorted at Logan’s moue of disgust. When she was gone, he turned
hard eyes to Kurt and asked, “What’s with you?”

“Why does anything have to be with
me?” Kurt was instantly on the
defensive, drawing his limbs in to cover his body almost unconsciously.

“You smell…depressed. Sad.
Angry.” Logan leaned against the
back of the couch opposite Kurt, pitching his voice low so as not to be heard
over Rogue puttering in the kitchen.

“How should I be? I have to lie to Katzchen about her cousin
just maybe being alive and maybe being with Magneto or Mystique!”


“Look, Elf, if it’s a maybe, you
can’t lie about it. Put that out of
your mind pronto. Second of all, you
had better learn now that sometimes you have to lie to protect the greater
good. If Kitty knew, if she even
suspected Ruth were alive and with those two, what makes you think for one
goddamned second that she wouldn’t be raising seven shades of Hell trying to
get to the girl? What kind of chaos and
pain do you think that would cause?”
Logan bent low and got in Kurt’s face then. “You and I both know that Half-Pint has some big brass ones
sometimes, but she’s no match for Magneto or Mystique, even on their worst and
her best day. Think of how you’d feel
if you told her what you know, then she died trying to find out for sure.”

Kurt gulped hard, a knot in his
throat cutting off almost off of his breath.
Images of Kitty, broken and bleeding, played through his mind. Nein!
Nein! Not mein Katzchen! Never her…God, what was I thinking? I can’t tell her…I have to protect her! “What…”
His voice was weak and his lips were suddenly dry, forcing Kurt to lick
them in order to continue. “What can I
do to make her stop being so sad? I
want to tell her because she’s depressed and I want her to think there might be
hope…”

Logan sighed. “I hate to see her hurtin’ too, Kid, but the
thing is, she has to. No matter what,
she has to. Maybe…” he looked around vaguely as if the walls
held an idea. “Maybe you can distract
her. Take her out a lot or something
non…um…non-activity-ish.”

Kurt’s eyes brightened infinitesimally. “Like teach her something?”

“Depends on what you’re teaching
her, Elf.” Logan’s eyes narrowed then,
pinning Kurt to his seat.

“Nothing like that! I’ve been trying to get her to learn German
for weeks now and she won’t do it…She says she’s got enough on her mind without
adding a new language in there.”

“Half-pint speaks Yiddish, doesn’t
she? A lot of the words are similar so
it wouldn’t be too hard on her…” Logan
seemed pleased with this idea.

“I know, but she’s very resistant…” Kurt shrugged and eyed Logan
speculatively. “If I sort of…snuck it
in on her…would you help me?”

“How?”

“Just…I don’t know. Don’t let her get all huffy, I guess.” Kurt shrugged again, helplessly this time.

“I promise I won’t translate for
her, if that’s what you mean. And I’ll
make sure she doesn’t go phasing you into a boulder or anything… What’re you
going to do? Sneak it in on her?”

Kurt smiled then, a tad
evilly. “Ich bin ein schlauer kleiner
Elf .”[5]

Logan sighed harshly. “I was afraid of that…”



[1] Yiddish for
Grandfather

[2] Short story
by Joyce Carol Oates. Really good and
pretty creepy. In that “oh, that could
happen!” sort of way.

[3] I know it’s
backwards but Jubilee made me do it!

[4] Slang for
lift or steal. I think it came from THE
SIMPSONS.

[5] I’m a clever
little elf… (Thanks, Foxfeather!)