Every Breath You Take
folder
X-Men - Animated Series (all) › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
18
Views:
3,685
Reviews:
13
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
X-Men - Animated Series (all) › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
18
Views:
3,685
Reviews:
13
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own X-Men Evolution, or any of the characters from it. I make no money from from the writing of this story.
Since You've Gone I've been Lost Without a Trace.
Author’s Note/Disclaimer: I’ll be going down some very dark paths in this fic. I love Kurt. And we always hurt the ones we love. Don’t we? “Every Breath You Take” is a song by the Police from the eighties. I used to love the song. More than a decade later I listen to the lyrics and realize just how creepy they are. I think it’s perfect for this story.
BTW: This Kurt Wagner is the Nightcrawler from XMen Evolution and hasn’t had quite the rough life his comic book counterpart had. At least up until now.
Please rate and review. Check the reviews for my responses. I have no Beta reader so don't be shy -- I really do want your input.
05/24/2007 – I just found a major error on my part that had made all the character’s internal thoughts invisible when posted online. I usually refrain from pulling up my own stories so as not to inflate the hit counter, but apparently I need to proofread online.
{This means character’s internal thoughts.}
**This means projected thoughts, as in telepathy.**
Chapter Twelve: Since You've Gone I've been Lost Without a Trace.
Having made a decision, Adrienne wasted little time getting to work the next day. After completing her normal routine of breakfast and a morning run, she dug right into her psychology texts.
{I thought he’d begin to recover now that he’s home, surrounded by friends and family. What’s wrong here?}
She chewed on a pencil thoughtfully as she leafed through half a dozen books spread out on the kitchen island. She took notes on a yellow legal pad.
{I wish I had my old notes. From before I started the Alpha-9 protocols.}
Those were long gone, burnt to ashes before she’d packed her bags and gone to the base. So that the only copy would be her own memories. That way no one could steal her work.
{Was I really that arrogant back then?}
Her work had been a unique mix of traditional psychology and her experience in the BDSM community. She’d used her gift to enhance the process, thinking herself clever. She thought portraying her gift as little more than a parlor trick would keep her under the radar. She’d been young, relatively attractive, and very popular. There had been no end of willing “subjects.” She actually thought she was helping people, helping them quit smoking, lose weight, even conquer fears of public speaking and other phobias.
{Wonder if I really helped them or if they fell apart after I went underground?}
This wasn’t helping Kurt. She reined in her wandering memories and refocused on the task at hand. She’d never given much thought to deprogramming her “Subjects.”
{They never lived long enough for that to be an option.}
Where had the problems started? Find the root and follow it to the solution.
{It started with David.}
She’d gotten sloppy, let herself get emotionally involved with David. She had told herself at the time that it didn’t matter, didn’t affect the training process, but it did. She’d deviated from the protocols and David’s control had become unstable.
{They killed him for it. My fault…}
Wasted energy. Guilt was useless. She’d deviated from the protocols even more with Kurt. Some of it had been necessary due to time constraints. She’d wanted to use the gentler methods, using pleasure to achieve the altered state necessary to implant the commands, but that was too slow. Again she’d let her emotions interfere. It had colored her interactions with him, invaded their training sessions. The transition to the pain based training had traumatized both of them.
{I failed to maintain the necessary boundaries.}
How could it be undone? If the training had set properly, there would be no problem. It was obvious the boundaries between Kurt and the alter ego created by her training were unstable. If the boundaries were firm, the other would stay dormant unless triggered and eventually dissolve altogether. And Kurt would be himself, a bit traumatized perhaps, but certainly not the angry, obsessed creature she’d seen last night.
{Alpha-9 for all intents and purposes is dead. I can’t start over.}
He was out of control. She couldn’t go back to collars and cages, it was not only impossible – it was wrong. If she weren’t to control him, he’d have to learn to control himself. She’d have to resist the temptation to wrest it back, no matter the provocation. Even if it killed her.
{It just might.}
************************************************************************
It was late and the house was dark and quiet. Upstairs he heard the sound of water running. He stalked silently through her bedroom, opening the door soundlessly. He could see her form through the shower curtain as she reached to turn off the water. He snatched the plastic sheet aside and reached for her. His hand closed on her arm and in an instant they were gone.
The instant they reappeared he shoved her to the ground, retreating into the shadows. She was left wet and shaken in a small clearing with only starlight to illuminate the trees around her. Her heart thudded in her chest and the leaves and stones beneath her dug into her flesh, sticking to her wet skin.
{Oh my god! Where am I?}
Slowly she began to pick herself up, pushing her wet hair behind her ears and peering into the darkness. Before she could gather her thoughts to speak, her head was wrenched backwards, hair pulled tight in his fist, forcing her to stand on her toes. She let out a wordless cry in protest.
“What have you done to me?” He hissed in her ear.
“Kurt, tell me what’s going on. I want to help you.”
“Liar!” He shoved her again and she stumbled. When she turned around, he had disappeared again.
“I have never lied to you.” She heard her own voice cracking and she found herself shivering in the chill night air.
“Did you tell me to do it? Did you?” Out of nowhere, something wrapped around her ankle and snatched her off balance and she fell hard on her left side. It knocked the wind from her and she struggled for enough breath to respond.
“Do what? I didn’t tell you to do anything!”
“That is what you do isn’t it? Tell me to do things. Hurt people.” He was a dark presence to her right, yellow eyes glaring at her.
“I never told you to hurt anyone. Who did you hurt? What did you do?” Was it already too late? Had he already done something unforgivable?
He growled and reached for her again, dragging her upright, using her hair as a handle. She tried not to react, but she couldn’t hold back the tears of pain and fear.
“I can’t remember. But they showed it to me. I attacked her.” He shook her like a rag doll and she clutched at his hands, trying to stop him.
“Kurt. Stop it. You’re hurting me.” She pleaded.
“Stop me then. Someone should stop me don’t you think?” His tone was venomous as he released her hair and shoved her against a tree. The bark scraped against her palms as she caught herself. She closed her eyes and clutched at the trunk for a moment, trying to force down the panic.
{He won’t listen to me.}
“I’m going to hurt you unless you make me stop.” He grabbed her by her shoulders and whirled her around until the tree bark dug into her back. He wrapped one hand around her neck and the other dug cruelly into her shoulder.
“Say it.” She was shocked by a stinging impact across her hip and a small scream escaped her. He’d whipped her with his tail! Again it came and she struggled to escape it, but he held her fast.
“No!” Again and again it came and she couldn’t think. She’d never conceived of him using his tail that way and the unexpectedness of it was almost as bad as the pain. She lost control and her gift flared to life with a flicker. The lashing stopped for a moment.
“Is that it, Alpha-9? Is that all you’ve got? A few sparks?” He sneered at her as the energy sparked and snapped across his fur before fading out. It hadn’t been enough to hurt him at all and only served to drain her energy reserves.
“Alpha-9 is dead.” She panted, hoping he would talk. Her flesh stung and ached where his tail had left welts. But he wasn’t done with her yet.
“I don’t believe you.” He backed away, pulling her away from the relative safety of the tree and pushed her. “You like to run don’t you? Run for me. Go!” He snapped his tail around to sting her calves and she started running.
Adrenaline took over and she found herself running, feet pounding the dirt path, arms raised to deflect the overhanging branches. She knew it was hopeless to run, but her body wouldn’t listen. Her pulse pounded in her ears and her breath came in ragged gasps.
Suddenly something wrapped around her ankle and she stumbled, almost falling. She sobbed as she struggled to regain her balance and then ran on. Moments later there was that stinging pain again, this time across her thighs as he lashed her with his tail then disappeared into the dark woods again.
Again and again he would come for her, shoving her into the dirt. Stinging her with his tail. Always silent, nearly invisible. She was crying now, unable to think past the next step, following the path of least resistance. Her feet were bruised and sore and she couldn’t seem to fill her burning lungs.
She began to slow, unable to continue, her legs leaden. He shoved her once again and she fell to the forest floor. She curled into a ball and lay panting, eyes closed.
“Get up!” He snarled at her. She didn’t answer, just pulled her knees closer to her chest. He crouched next to her and grabbed her hair again. “Say it. Stop me.”
She closed her eyes tighter and shook her head. Rough hands dragged her upright, pried her hands loose from around her knees until he could stand her up against another tree. He held her hands above her head as he leaned in close to look at her. Her eyes were still closed and tears stained her cheeks.
“Look at me.” He commanded. One hand dropped to grip her chin tightly. She opened her eyes and his yellow eyes bored into hers. She couldn’t begin to identify the emotions boiling there and she froze as he leaned even closer and ran his tongue across her cheeks, tasting her tears.
He drew back and studied her a moment.
“You didn’t tell me to hurt my friends?”
“No.” She whispered.
“You have to stop me, Adrienne.”
“You have to stop yourself. I can help you, but you have to do it.” He growled and leaned close again.
“If you don’t stop me. I’ll hurt you.”
“I know.”
He leaned closer and tasted her tears again, following the trail to her lips. Her mouth opened to him, sweet and salty. She sobbed quietly into his mouth as he kissed her. He held her still as he slowly explored her mouth. Then he released her abruptly and stepped back, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
“Bamf.”
Adrienne collapsed slowly to the ground. She hugged her knees to her chest and sobbed quietly. The spring air was chill and she was cold and exhausted. Morning seemed a long way away.
Kurt reappeared in his room and flopped onto his bed. The taste of her tears was still with him and he could think of little else. He stretched out and stared at the ceiling.
{What am I doing?}
He’d attacked her. He’d been cruel. He’d even enjoyed it.
{Did she enjoy it when she tortured me?}
Did it make it any better if she had? Why wouldn’t she use the words? Why didn’t she stop him? Was she lying? Did she really want to help him? He lay awake with those questions for a long time. He began to drift to sleep when a thought suddenly occurred to him.
{I left her there.}
The nights were still chilly and it was cold. He’d left her on one of the trails Logan used for training. She’d be found in the morning if she didn’t wander off.
{Logan will kill me if he finds her like that.}
What if she did wander off? How far had he left her from the perimeter? What if she tripped the defenses? She had no idea they were there.
{I’m an idiot!}
He pulled the blanket from his bed and teleported back to the trail. He spent a frantic half hour searching for her, not remembering exactly where he’d left her. At last he found her huddled under a tree, her skin was cold to the touch and she was so deeply asleep she didn’t react when he wrapped the blanket around her and scooped her up. An instant later he was tucking her into her bed. He plucked a twig from her tangled hair and laid it on her bedside table.
“Bamf.”
BTW: This Kurt Wagner is the Nightcrawler from XMen Evolution and hasn’t had quite the rough life his comic book counterpart had. At least up until now.
Please rate and review. Check the reviews for my responses. I have no Beta reader so don't be shy -- I really do want your input.
05/24/2007 – I just found a major error on my part that had made all the character’s internal thoughts invisible when posted online. I usually refrain from pulling up my own stories so as not to inflate the hit counter, but apparently I need to proofread online.
{This means character’s internal thoughts.}
**This means projected thoughts, as in telepathy.**
Chapter Twelve: Since You've Gone I've been Lost Without a Trace.
Having made a decision, Adrienne wasted little time getting to work the next day. After completing her normal routine of breakfast and a morning run, she dug right into her psychology texts.
{I thought he’d begin to recover now that he’s home, surrounded by friends and family. What’s wrong here?}
She chewed on a pencil thoughtfully as she leafed through half a dozen books spread out on the kitchen island. She took notes on a yellow legal pad.
{I wish I had my old notes. From before I started the Alpha-9 protocols.}
Those were long gone, burnt to ashes before she’d packed her bags and gone to the base. So that the only copy would be her own memories. That way no one could steal her work.
{Was I really that arrogant back then?}
Her work had been a unique mix of traditional psychology and her experience in the BDSM community. She’d used her gift to enhance the process, thinking herself clever. She thought portraying her gift as little more than a parlor trick would keep her under the radar. She’d been young, relatively attractive, and very popular. There had been no end of willing “subjects.” She actually thought she was helping people, helping them quit smoking, lose weight, even conquer fears of public speaking and other phobias.
{Wonder if I really helped them or if they fell apart after I went underground?}
This wasn’t helping Kurt. She reined in her wandering memories and refocused on the task at hand. She’d never given much thought to deprogramming her “Subjects.”
{They never lived long enough for that to be an option.}
Where had the problems started? Find the root and follow it to the solution.
{It started with David.}
She’d gotten sloppy, let herself get emotionally involved with David. She had told herself at the time that it didn’t matter, didn’t affect the training process, but it did. She’d deviated from the protocols and David’s control had become unstable.
{They killed him for it. My fault…}
Wasted energy. Guilt was useless. She’d deviated from the protocols even more with Kurt. Some of it had been necessary due to time constraints. She’d wanted to use the gentler methods, using pleasure to achieve the altered state necessary to implant the commands, but that was too slow. Again she’d let her emotions interfere. It had colored her interactions with him, invaded their training sessions. The transition to the pain based training had traumatized both of them.
{I failed to maintain the necessary boundaries.}
How could it be undone? If the training had set properly, there would be no problem. It was obvious the boundaries between Kurt and the alter ego created by her training were unstable. If the boundaries were firm, the other would stay dormant unless triggered and eventually dissolve altogether. And Kurt would be himself, a bit traumatized perhaps, but certainly not the angry, obsessed creature she’d seen last night.
{Alpha-9 for all intents and purposes is dead. I can’t start over.}
He was out of control. She couldn’t go back to collars and cages, it was not only impossible – it was wrong. If she weren’t to control him, he’d have to learn to control himself. She’d have to resist the temptation to wrest it back, no matter the provocation. Even if it killed her.
{It just might.}
************************************************************************
It was late and the house was dark and quiet. Upstairs he heard the sound of water running. He stalked silently through her bedroom, opening the door soundlessly. He could see her form through the shower curtain as she reached to turn off the water. He snatched the plastic sheet aside and reached for her. His hand closed on her arm and in an instant they were gone.
The instant they reappeared he shoved her to the ground, retreating into the shadows. She was left wet and shaken in a small clearing with only starlight to illuminate the trees around her. Her heart thudded in her chest and the leaves and stones beneath her dug into her flesh, sticking to her wet skin.
{Oh my god! Where am I?}
Slowly she began to pick herself up, pushing her wet hair behind her ears and peering into the darkness. Before she could gather her thoughts to speak, her head was wrenched backwards, hair pulled tight in his fist, forcing her to stand on her toes. She let out a wordless cry in protest.
“What have you done to me?” He hissed in her ear.
“Kurt, tell me what’s going on. I want to help you.”
“Liar!” He shoved her again and she stumbled. When she turned around, he had disappeared again.
“I have never lied to you.” She heard her own voice cracking and she found herself shivering in the chill night air.
“Did you tell me to do it? Did you?” Out of nowhere, something wrapped around her ankle and snatched her off balance and she fell hard on her left side. It knocked the wind from her and she struggled for enough breath to respond.
“Do what? I didn’t tell you to do anything!”
“That is what you do isn’t it? Tell me to do things. Hurt people.” He was a dark presence to her right, yellow eyes glaring at her.
“I never told you to hurt anyone. Who did you hurt? What did you do?” Was it already too late? Had he already done something unforgivable?
He growled and reached for her again, dragging her upright, using her hair as a handle. She tried not to react, but she couldn’t hold back the tears of pain and fear.
“I can’t remember. But they showed it to me. I attacked her.” He shook her like a rag doll and she clutched at his hands, trying to stop him.
“Kurt. Stop it. You’re hurting me.” She pleaded.
“Stop me then. Someone should stop me don’t you think?” His tone was venomous as he released her hair and shoved her against a tree. The bark scraped against her palms as she caught herself. She closed her eyes and clutched at the trunk for a moment, trying to force down the panic.
{He won’t listen to me.}
“I’m going to hurt you unless you make me stop.” He grabbed her by her shoulders and whirled her around until the tree bark dug into her back. He wrapped one hand around her neck and the other dug cruelly into her shoulder.
“Say it.” She was shocked by a stinging impact across her hip and a small scream escaped her. He’d whipped her with his tail! Again it came and she struggled to escape it, but he held her fast.
“No!” Again and again it came and she couldn’t think. She’d never conceived of him using his tail that way and the unexpectedness of it was almost as bad as the pain. She lost control and her gift flared to life with a flicker. The lashing stopped for a moment.
“Is that it, Alpha-9? Is that all you’ve got? A few sparks?” He sneered at her as the energy sparked and snapped across his fur before fading out. It hadn’t been enough to hurt him at all and only served to drain her energy reserves.
“Alpha-9 is dead.” She panted, hoping he would talk. Her flesh stung and ached where his tail had left welts. But he wasn’t done with her yet.
“I don’t believe you.” He backed away, pulling her away from the relative safety of the tree and pushed her. “You like to run don’t you? Run for me. Go!” He snapped his tail around to sting her calves and she started running.
Adrenaline took over and she found herself running, feet pounding the dirt path, arms raised to deflect the overhanging branches. She knew it was hopeless to run, but her body wouldn’t listen. Her pulse pounded in her ears and her breath came in ragged gasps.
Suddenly something wrapped around her ankle and she stumbled, almost falling. She sobbed as she struggled to regain her balance and then ran on. Moments later there was that stinging pain again, this time across her thighs as he lashed her with his tail then disappeared into the dark woods again.
Again and again he would come for her, shoving her into the dirt. Stinging her with his tail. Always silent, nearly invisible. She was crying now, unable to think past the next step, following the path of least resistance. Her feet were bruised and sore and she couldn’t seem to fill her burning lungs.
She began to slow, unable to continue, her legs leaden. He shoved her once again and she fell to the forest floor. She curled into a ball and lay panting, eyes closed.
“Get up!” He snarled at her. She didn’t answer, just pulled her knees closer to her chest. He crouched next to her and grabbed her hair again. “Say it. Stop me.”
She closed her eyes tighter and shook her head. Rough hands dragged her upright, pried her hands loose from around her knees until he could stand her up against another tree. He held her hands above her head as he leaned in close to look at her. Her eyes were still closed and tears stained her cheeks.
“Look at me.” He commanded. One hand dropped to grip her chin tightly. She opened her eyes and his yellow eyes bored into hers. She couldn’t begin to identify the emotions boiling there and she froze as he leaned even closer and ran his tongue across her cheeks, tasting her tears.
He drew back and studied her a moment.
“You didn’t tell me to hurt my friends?”
“No.” She whispered.
“You have to stop me, Adrienne.”
“You have to stop yourself. I can help you, but you have to do it.” He growled and leaned close again.
“If you don’t stop me. I’ll hurt you.”
“I know.”
He leaned closer and tasted her tears again, following the trail to her lips. Her mouth opened to him, sweet and salty. She sobbed quietly into his mouth as he kissed her. He held her still as he slowly explored her mouth. Then he released her abruptly and stepped back, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
“Bamf.”
Adrienne collapsed slowly to the ground. She hugged her knees to her chest and sobbed quietly. The spring air was chill and she was cold and exhausted. Morning seemed a long way away.
Kurt reappeared in his room and flopped onto his bed. The taste of her tears was still with him and he could think of little else. He stretched out and stared at the ceiling.
{What am I doing?}
He’d attacked her. He’d been cruel. He’d even enjoyed it.
{Did she enjoy it when she tortured me?}
Did it make it any better if she had? Why wouldn’t she use the words? Why didn’t she stop him? Was she lying? Did she really want to help him? He lay awake with those questions for a long time. He began to drift to sleep when a thought suddenly occurred to him.
{I left her there.}
The nights were still chilly and it was cold. He’d left her on one of the trails Logan used for training. She’d be found in the morning if she didn’t wander off.
{Logan will kill me if he finds her like that.}
What if she did wander off? How far had he left her from the perimeter? What if she tripped the defenses? She had no idea they were there.
{I’m an idiot!}
He pulled the blanket from his bed and teleported back to the trail. He spent a frantic half hour searching for her, not remembering exactly where he’d left her. At last he found her huddled under a tree, her skin was cold to the touch and she was so deeply asleep she didn’t react when he wrapped the blanket around her and scooped her up. An instant later he was tucking her into her bed. He plucked a twig from her tangled hair and laid it on her bedside table.
“Bamf.”