X-Calibre Trilogy: Long Hard Road Out of Hell

Miriam was still sleeping when I got back from my field trip, pack heavy with fresh food from the farm a few miles down the road. I’d chosen to walk and think rather than teleport, and the exercise helped me get rid of the excess nervous energy that had been plaguing me since the argument had ended earlier. She was a lot stronger than I had given her credit for and I had to respect that; I also had to respect her decisions and honor my own vows. I’d told her explicitly when we first joined up that I wouldn’t expect anything sexual of her, and it was unfair to change that now even if I really wanted to. Not that part of me didn’t want to . . . only I wanted it to be of her own volition and not because she felt she had no choice in the matter. I struggled with those circling thoughts for most of the day and was still working through them as I sat by the fire now to begin cooking.

I reasoned that she and I got on fairly well together most of the time and if the damage I’d done could be repaired, there might be a possibility for something more permanent in the future. She hadn’t really said what she planned to do once we actually got to safety . . . maybe, just maybe, it was possible that in time she’d get past my appearance and I’d have a shot at her. If I showed her I could be a gentleman, that I could be agreeable, that I could control my temper and I would never really hurt her . . . I sighed and grabbed a pot as I headed to the river for some water. In my mind she was somebody I could see myself settling down with someday, especially if we were going someplace where the rest of the world wouldn’t follow. But even if that worked out, the problem came in that I really wasn’t sure what my natural lifespan would be because of my parents. They’d both been born in the mid-nineteenth century, and because of their respective powers neither of them had looked past their forties at any point I could remember. What if that was something other than metamorphism and regeneration at work, and there was a separate power of general longevity – and I’d inherited that? Did I really want to wait around, wondering if I’d outlive her by decades? On the other hand, whether I had that kind of life span or not, did I want to be alone forever? I grudgingly admitted to myself that I didn’t like that prospect at all.

I pushed all of that away when I heard the grass crunching under Miriam’s footsteps. Whatever else happened, I still owed the lady an apology.

She seemed shocked to learn that the root of my issue had been her recoiling unknowingly from my touch and began to protest it. She stopped talking when I laid the spaded tip of my tail against her lips and admitted that I was in the wrong. As I spoke I took the eggs off the boil and tipped them into the grass to cool; Miriam expressed great interest in this so I handed her the first one from the batch to eat and I continued in my apology. She didn’t have much to say when I said again that what enedened at the river the day before had been an accident; she offered to leave if I still wanted her to go. That she made the offer wounded me without her intending for it to and I slumped forward and stared at the fire to find the right words. As my silence dragged on I could tell she was getting very uncomfortable but I didn’t hurry myself. The wrong words would only make the horrible things I’d said before worse. When I finally decided on some words I was relieved that they seemed to be the right ones – she looked like she might cry and offered a trembling smile and a husky declaration of forgiveness . . . and of a desire to stay in my company.

She reached over to touch me and I let her, feeling her fingers slide around my palm to squeeze my hand. I returned the gesture gently and tried to return a smile of my own. I felt almost faint with relief and knew that looking at her like this could lead to another awkward moment or mistake to fix, so I turned my attention back to the breakfast I’d begun to prepare and offered her first dibs. She squealed with delight before jumping up and running to the river to retrieve something of her own to share. My mouth watered when I saw the fresh milk and bread, and I couldn’t believe it when she pulled out the most delicious-looking apples I’d seen in years from her own rucksack. She smiled shyly at me as she set the food down between us and blushed a little when she held out an apple to me. In an effort to put her more at ease, I joked that I’d have to pick fights more often if tkindkind of food was part of the deal.

“Be forewarned, I can get bitchy,” she kept her face completely straight as she said it and I had to wonder if she was joking or serious. If she was serious, I wasn’t sure I wanted to see her get bitchy. But then she flashed another smile and I returned it, and we kept the words to a minimum as we ate. It was only after we were done and starting to clean up that she caught my attention so I’d look at her. She used the word “handsome”. I was also relatively sure that “exotic” was a word no one had ever used to describe me either and I swallowed as she said it. She probably didn’t even realize what she was doing with her kind comments, but as I looked into her eyes I could tell that she meant every word of it.

“Liar,” I grinned as though she’d just told a funny story. “Thanks for the ego boost, though.”

She ducked her head and smiled, her cheeks turning pink. I had no idea if she could see my blushing but I hoped not; I didn’t want her to know that I felt like a kid getting to first base for the first time.

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“Okay, you’re doing good,” I nodded my approval as she went through the movements designed to block incoming blows from an opponent. “So if I come in like this . . .” I sent a slow forward jab at her face and she sent her left arm out to knock it from its path. “Yes! And then like this . . .” My other fist aimed for her chest, and she swiped over and down to block it. “Very good—“ I blinked in surprise when she continued to something I wasn’t going to show her for a while yet; she not only blocked the punch, but she closed her hand around my wrist as she blocked and pulled me in as her left fist went to connect with my chin. She was quite proud of this if her grin and twinkling eyes were any indication.

“Got you,” she announced as she smoothed down the fur she’d ruffled when she tapped my jaw with her knuckles. She stepped back and looked me over, her smseemseeming to falter for a moment. “What? What’s that look for?”

Uh-oh . . . what look? I cleared my throat and glanced away for a second, running my fingers through my hair. When I turned back around I saw that she was waiting with a hesitant look on her face. Fearing that she tht sht she’d started another argument between us, I smiled and gave a small laugh. “You just surprised me, that’s all.” She didn’t look convinced. “Well . . .” I took another angle to try getting a smile out of her, “you’ve also embarrassed me. And I think you knocked a tooth loose.” I made a show of rubbing the spot she’d hit as though she’d really hurt me, even though we both knew I’d barely felt her contact.

She giggled and shook her head. “You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”

“Who’s lying?” I dropped to sit in the grass. “It’s lucky you didn’t take my head off!”

“Aww . . . poor baby . . .” She pouted at me before sitting next to me. “Do you need a bandage?”

“No . . .” I pouted back at her.

“Well how about this?” She kissed her fingertips and reached over to lay them over my exaggerated injury. “Is that better?”

I feigned thinking about it for a moment. “It helps.”

“Does it?” she asked softly, the pressure of her fingers indicating that she wanted me to look over at her. I did but to my surprise, she didn’t break the contact. She didn’t say anything else for a minute either, just looked into my eyes and studied me. When I didn’t answer her she lightly brushed at my cheek and shifted closer. Unsure of where she was going with this and not wanting to overstep my boundaries again, I brought my hand up to hers and traced over her fingers, waiting, and holding my breath. “Everything okay?” she asked quietly, still gazing into me.

“Ja,” I said softly, holding her gaze. My heart started to pound when she came even closer, her face hovering for a few seconds in front of mine. I had the distinct impression she wanted a kiss but I was so afraid of that being an incorrect assessment that I stayed put.

“Are you sure?” Her voice was so soft I only just heard it. I nodded and she closed the gap between us by pressing her lips softly to mine. I gently kissed her back, closing my eyes as I took in the feel of this, the contours of her lips beneath my own. I was reminded of that first tentative kiss with Jimaine but pushed those thoughts away – the last thing I wanted to do right then was think of the dead.

Her hand slid up into my hair and I traced a line down her arm with the tips of my fingers, down over her shoulder, caressing her down the length of her back to rest my hand at her waist. Her lips moved over mine and I responded in kind until she parted her lips to dart her tongue over the now-sensitive skin she encountered there. I recognized the responses the restmy bmy body was having to this, the pounding beat inside me at the prospect of further fleshly delights and the hunger that mpanmpanied that, and pulled away from her while I still could. Her hand dropped away from me and I caught it, my eyes on the sight of her tiny hand resting in mine.

“Nightcrawler?” she asked quietly, craning her head in an attempt to get me to look up at her. “What is it?”

“I think . . .” I took her her deep breath and brought her hand to my lips to kiss her palm. I couldn’t deny anymore that there was a great deal of chemistry growing between us; but I’d learned the hard way that chemistry alone wasn’t enough to hold a relationship together. Miriam and I had only known each other for a few weeks – hardly enough time to know if there would be anything there once the fire burned itself out – and there was so much about me that she didn’t know. It might scare her; she might run away; and what if she got pregnant by me? A scared girl on the run from everyone, no access to doctors, carrying a Mutant in her womb . . . I looked up to take a good look at her, and wondered if she’d be able to birth a child without assistance. She had decent-sized hips for her frame, yes, but overall she was very small. I sighed and let my arm drop, holding her hand between us as I stared at the grass. The possibility of children hadn’t been a concern between myself and ‘Ro because birth control was available back home, but this place was different. It wasn’t like I could pick up a box of condoms or raid a pharmacist’s store for pills the next time we went shopping – these things simply weren’t to be had here because of the Reich’s pathological obsession with babies. I sighed, let go of her hand, and made a conscious effort to not flinch when I saw the look in her eyes. She knew I was g to to reject her advance, regardless of how far she’d had in mind to go, and she looked hurt by it. “Ach, Miriam,” I clapped a hand to the back of my neck, “I’m flattered by this new attention—“

“I understand,” she mumbled a little too quickly as she adjusted herself so that she was out of reach of even my tail. Her gaze became fixed on random nothingness in front of her. “Not your type, I guess.”

I opened my mouth to respond but stopped when I wondered just what I’d say to that. She could have meant a few different things, and to be honest I wasn’t sure which meaning she might have had in mind. Not my type because I wasn’t attracted to her? Not my type because of the Human/Mutant thing? The German/Jewish thing? I winced when she shoved up from the ground and left; my hesitation had cost me again with her. “Fuck,” I sighed heavily and teleported to the banks of the river we’d been following to collect myself.

I came back a few hours later to find her asleep. I unpacked my blankets quietly and set up a meter away from her but couldn’t get to sleep right away. I must have passed out at some point though because I awoke to Miriam’s startled yelp. My eyes snapped open and I saw what was wro“Sor“Sorry,” I lowered the fist I’d instinctively readied and unwrapped my tail from her arm. She took several hasty steps back from me, her left hand over her heart.

“You don’t sleep with the safety on, do you?” she gasped.

“Sorry,” I groaned again, sitting up and stretching, “but no, I don’t. It’s saved my life too many times in the past. It’s nothing personal.”

“I reckon.” She still looked rattled so I asked if she were alright. “Yes, I was just trying to wake you up. It’s time to get going.”

The sky was dark now, which meant it was actually past time. I got up and began folding my blankets. “Next time, just say my name.”

“Tried that. You just kept snoring.”

I raised an eyebrow and turned around, but she’d already moved away to do something with her own gear so I let it go. We were back on the road within minutes, eating our breakfast of beef jerky and dried fruit as we walked. She kept her distance from me and kept her eyes ahead of her, her expression stoic. I felt very much ill at ease and thought about what I’d say as I chewed on my last bit of jerky; but when I tried to bring it back up she gave me a dose of my own medicine by refusing to answer. I shut up and kept walking.

Things weren’t any better when we stopped for a break several hours later. She still wasn’t talking to me and the silence hadn’t been good for me as I had begun to bandy between damning myself, thinking of ‘Ro, and remembering Jimaine. It was a dssinssing combination that had consumed so much of my mind that I had to do something to get it out of my head. “So you think you could tell Heaven from Hell? Blue skies from pain? Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail, a smile from a veil, do you think you can tell?” I sang softly to myself as I stared into the trees across the bank from me. “Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees, hot air for a cool breeze, cold comfort for change? Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?” I leaned heavily against the tree behind me and moved my tail in time to the music only I could hear. “How I wish, how I wish you were here—“

“Who do you wish was here?” Miriam caught my attention, making sure to keep a healthy distance between us.

“No one,” I sighed and got back onto my feet. “Ready?”

She nodded and hauled her pack back over her shoulders. I did the same and looked at her as we started walking again. I could tell she was aware of this but choosing to not return my glance; I cleared my throat to try again.

“I don’t think you’re not my type, whatever you meant by that earlier.”

Silence.

“What did you mean by it?”

“What do you think I might have meant?” She sounded irritated, as though I were asking a stupid question.

“Chemistry, nationality, genetics,” I listed them patiently off on my fingers. “I think it’s safe to say the first is definitely not a problem. The second, I couldn’t care less and really, I suppose I don’t have a true nationality anymore. I’m just . . . here.” I shrugged. “As for the third,” I sighed. “That’s something we’d have to have a long talk about if we decided to have something other than a platonic relationship.”

“Oh, really?” she asked coldly and kept staring straight ahead.

“Look, do you want to know why I hesitated?” I stopped walking so she’d have to at least back up. She did and turned to look at me, waiting with crossed arms. “I wasn’t sure exactly what you had in mind to do and I don’t want you to do something you might regret later.”

She arched an eyebrow at me. “Like what?”

I felt my face grow hot and ran a hand through my hair. “Alright, let’s say we, ah . . .” I tried to find a polite term. “. . . we became quite intimate yesterday, and you wound up pregnant.”

Her cheeks flushed but she keep her eyes level with mine, nodding slightly for me to continue.

“The X Gene, the one that causes Mutancy, is carried by males. If I got you pregnant, it would be a Mutant. I don’t know how much of this—“ I spread my arms wide, “—would get passed on, although I’m almost certain my eyes are a dominant trait.” I breathed an inward sigh of relief at seeing that she understood where I was going with this, or at least was following me so far. “In addition to the child’s appearance would be its power manifestation. We classified powers by type and function back home, but also by strength. The most powerful Mutants were classified as Alpha Level.”

“Okay . . .” Confusion began to cloud her features.

“Alphas are potentially the most dangerous Mutants, the ones cle ole of the most damage. I’m an Alpha, my parents were both Alphas,” I sighed again as I forced out the last bit, “and any children I have would be Alphas as well.” I swallownd bnd began walking again, Miriam following beside me. “Now, we don’t know each other well enough to know how we’d react if that happened. We might split up. If you had to raise an Alpha Level child with an offensive power, say fire manipulation, by yourself . . .”

She didn’t say anything even though her mouth was hanging open.

“Well,” I continued, “a Mutant’s powers manifest suddenly, sporadically, and spontaneously until they’ve figured out how to control it.”

“Oh,” she answered in a small voice.

“With each generation of Alphas growing even stronger, a single non-Mutant parent could get killed trying to see their child through that.”

“Oh.”

I reached over with my tail to brush the back of her hand. “It’s not that I don’t find you attractive, Miriam, because I do. And quite frankly, it’s been a very long time for me.” Oh, God, what made me say that to her?? That’s the problem with honesty, once it starts flowing . . .

Miriam had looked over at me but now swung her head away, red up to her ears. “I didn’t know,” she squeaked, then seemed lost for words.

“You . . . you surprised me with it. It overwhelmed me, and even if the genetics weren’t an issue, I would have still cut it off simply because I didn’t know how far you wanted to go.” I imagined that if I’d had a mirror at my disposal my reflection would have been a deep purple by now. “I wanted to stop myself while I was still sure I could.”

“I . . . oh geez,” she laughed distractedly ait hit her lip. “I’m sorry, Nightcrawler. I didn’t know I was doing that to you.”

“It’s okay,” I assured her. “Just, if you want that sort of thing, I think we should be slow about it.”

“I—“ Miriam licked her lips as she looked at me again. “Okay.” Her next few steps took her closer to me and she brushed her fingers against mine but left it at that. “Now, what were you singing earlier?”

A familiar voice deep inside started screaming warnings at me but I tamped him down, reasoning that if I didn’t give this the opportunity to vent itself in a mutually agreed-upon outlet it would vent itself in a horribly unacceptable manner later on. And besides, it was only physical attraction, not an emotional one. There was no danger of me falling in love with her . . .

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“What’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” Miriam looked up at me. “What?”

“You keep stretching like you’re trying to unkink something. Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah . . .” She nodded. “Everything’s tight, that’s all. It’s nothing.”

I frowned and walked over to her. “It’s not ‘nothing’. You’ve been doing that for the past half hour straight. Let me see . . .” I lifted some of her hair off her back and she sighed in resignation as she threw it forward over her shou in in a practiced gesture. I prodded gently at her shoulders and middle back. “Ach, everything’s like rocks!” I shook my head. “No wonder you keep stretching, almost all of your muscles have seized up on you.”

“Well, what then?” She turned around to look at me.

“I can loosen it all back up for you, if you’ll let me,” I answered neutrally.

“What do you need me to do?”

“Here, spread out a blanket,” I handed her the one from my bedroll. “Lie down on your stomach and get as comfortable as you can. This is going to take a while.”

She did as I asked and I proceeded to crouch over her and begin kneading her back. I had to wonder how long this had been going on for her entire back to knot up like that. One thing seemed certain, though – the cure, by this point, was worse than the disease and I doubted she’d let it get to this point again if she could help it.

“It will get easier, I promise,” I winced on her behalf as I felt her ribs rise from the sharp intake of breath. I kept working even though she hadn’t yet released the air she was holding.

“If you say so,” she answered in a small, strangled voice.

“Just a kata or two before we move on tomorrow, how about that?” I pressed my thumb hard into a bundle of muscle beneath her shoulder.

“Ow!! You’re going to break my ribs!” she gasped, twitching so that the knot slid out from under my fingers.

“Nein, that’s a rib,” I pressed hard against one below the knot, where no tensed muscle was in the way of the bone. Then, going back to the previous site of attention, “This is a knot. Important difference.”

She continued to complain in a whining voice so I retorted by asking if she needed kisses to make it better. As it turns out, the kisses seemed to make things a lot better for her; she gradually switched from expressions of pain to what can only be described as cute little contented whimpers. I smiled and finished working, leaning over her to lightly kiss each place my fingers touched. I finally had to stop because my hands were beginning to cramp up but she didn’t complain. In fact, she sounded like she was on the verge of falling asleep. I moved off of her and laid down next to her, stretching out in the sun-warmed grass.

“What are you thinking?” she slurred a little and resettled herself.

“Two things,” I propped myself up on an elbow to look at her. “The first is that you are very beautiful, and the sun in your hair is a nice highlight. The second is that I think I’d like to join you for a nap.”

“And are those thoughts related to one another?” She yawned widely and nuzzled down into the blanket beneath her.

“I plead the fifth,” I smiled as I watched her.

“Wha--?” came her mumbled reply.

Right, no America, no Constitution, no frame of reference. “I refuse to answer that question, liebchen.” I reached out to place a lock of her hair behind her ear so I could watch the light dance through it. “Do you mind?”

“Playing with my hair?”

“No, the nap,” I smiled.

“Oh, that.” She yawned again, sounding very drowsy. “I’d like that.”

I spooned her, extending my left arm to rest my head gen gently curling my right around her waist. My tail curled over us both as well and as before, she didn’t seem to mind this. She didn’t seem to mind any of it, and actually reached out to hold my hand before she lost consciousness. My fingers wouldn’t cooperate right away but I finally convinced them to curl around hers. I smiled as I settled; this was quite nice. Birds singing, sun shining, Miriam sleeping in my arms, and me with enough time and freedom to really enjoy it. I closed my eyes and let myself drift off.