The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER CHAPTER ELEVEN (NC-17)
Disclaimers Apply


A/N Goddess Foxfeather, overworked Queen of Mad Plotbunnies, Ted finally stopped pacing. Now Billy and Joaquin have convinced him to decorate Joris and Dodo for the holidays. Strange lot they are... erNuerNutter, TC and Maxwell Pink are loverly. :) Readers/Reviewers: Killer Kitties (tm) Ahoy!



"I just hope Logan doesn't get too mad about me taking the Jeep..."
"Hey, he left the keys where you could find 'em, he was practically begging for you to drive the damned thing!" Tabby strode purposefully beside Kitty down the upstairs hall of the Institute, eyes darting left and right for signs of the other mutants. She felt nervous, as if they were all going to leap on her and throw her bodily from the place. _Wouldn't put it past 'em... _ "Where is everyone?"
"It's before nine a.m. on Saturday...in bed, mostly." Kitty shrugged and took Tabby's arm, eyeing her barely-swollen abdomen with some trepidation. "Er...I'll just open the door." _Note to self...ask Beast about the effects of phasing on pregnant women... _"You have no idea how much I appreciate this..."
"To be fair, Kitty," Tabitha sighed, "I really don't know what you want me to do!" She followed Kitty into the feminine bedroom and looked around with a hint of awe "Wow...nice digs. Your bed ain't even on the floor..."
Kitty shuffled her feet in embarrassment and cleared her throat. "Well, I just need help..."
"Because you overheard Kurt say he and Amanda kissed...you don't know this for sure, do you?"
"Well, why else would he say it? Just for fun?" Kitty sat down in the desk chair and motioned for Tabby to take the bed as her seat. "I just didn't know who else to turn to!"
"Why me?" Tabby reclined lazily. "All you told me at the apartment, all I could understand between babbling fits and sniffles, was that you were losing Kurt's attention and you needed me to help you get it back, then you drag me here." With one raised eyebrow, Tabby stared Kitty down. "Now, Kitten, I'm only helping you because, for some reason known only to God and you, you're helping me. That fact never leaves this room, got it? If I get wind that you're telling people I'm helping you out, you'll be sorry."
"Fine, fine," Kitty waved her hand negligently, though she felt remotely like she was signing a demonic pact. "Lips, sealed!" She made a locking motion over her mouth and mimed throwing away the key.
"Now, first things first. You think Kurt kissed Amanda because she has something you don't. You _don't _ want to imitate her, make yourself into her. What you want to do is become _more _ of yourself. Take whatever it is about you that he likes and magnify it. Sex appeal won't hurt things, either." Tabby raked a critical eye over Kitty's battered sweatsuit. "Tell me you didn't go out in public in that today."
"Just to your place...No one saw me." _Except that old lady next door over from you and she thought I was homeless...kept trying to offer me money... _
"Good. I don't even want to think of the damage control we'd have to do for that one." Tabby got to her feet and headed to Kitty's closet. "Let's see what you've got in here..."
Kitty hurried to her side and could only watch in vague amazement the speed with which Tabby was flinging clothes out of the closet and onto the bed. "Watch it! That's my belly dancing stuff!" She made a grab as a heap of chiffon and bangles flew by. "That's expensive!"
Tabby paused and eyed the gauzy material in Kitty's arms. "Wear that more often and he wouldn't be kissing other girls... Don't you have anything...well, provocative? Sexy?"
"You've seen me at school and at parties...what do you think?" Kitty gave a wounded sniff before going back to her bed to lay the belly dancing costume out properly. "I think I dress sexy enough..."
"Kitty, you cover everything! Do you even _have _ a bellybutton?" Tabby had apparently exhausted the closet's supply of clothes, judging by her tired sigh, and she finally located the dresser. "What's in here?"
"Underwear, jeans, and t-shirts. And shorts..." _Which I will never wear again with these thighs... _ "Too cold for the shirts and no way am I wearing my bra in public!"
"You have no scope."1 Tabby rifled through the drawers, not as destructively as she had the closet but Kitty mentally cringed at the mess the blonde made of her socks. "Do you have any thongs? The most daring thing in here are bikini briefs..."
"I don't see the point in wearing clothes that intentionally go up your butt..." Kitty flushed a dull pink and snatched a pair of white lace panties from Tabby's incredulous fingers. "Those are for special occasions only, thank you very much!"
"I'm sure..." Tabby rolled her eyes and stepped back, assessing the array of clothing all around here. "We need to do two things. First, see what we can salvage here and second, go shopping."
Kitty cringed outwardly then. "No...I like how I dress. I like not looking like a hooker..."
"And you won't! I promise! We're just going to make you more...eye catching..."
"Like a parrot?" she asked dryly.
Tabby snorted. "No, like a woman. Kurt won't be able to look at any other girl, not even loose-lips Amanda. And besides, if other guys start looking at you, he sure as hell won't want to leave your side..."
"I don't like playing games..."
"Sweetie, welcome to womanhood. We're _born _ to play games...it's all part of our charm."
'This is going to hurt, isn't it?"
"Just the waxing..."
"The _what _ ?" Kitty yelped, letting Tabby drag her to the door.
"Forget I said anything...grab some Advil on the way out, though..."2


_How do I get into these things? People are nice to me in Germany...they don't gang up on me in Germany...okay, sometimes, but mostly just my sisters and they mean no harm... _ Kurt peered out from between his fingers at the loose semi-circle of males before him. Remy had gathered them all, save the adults, into the downstairs study. The Jeep pulled out of the garage, making them all fall silent for a moment, sure they were about to be intruded upon by Logan, but when whoever was driving continued to the gate and off the grounds, the murmur resumed. "Remy," Kurt sighed, "this isn't necessary."
"Oui, mon ami, it mos' certainly is..." The Cajun smirked at his friend and nodded in the direction of the guys. "See, I be tinkin' dat Jubilee, much as I love her, not be ightight person to hep us out, eh? She can take on Kitty or somethin', mais you need de hep from des hommes."
"This is so not good," Kurt groaned. "Look, I really appreciate it, but I think if I just talk to her, apologize, tell her the whole thing, Kitty and I can move on and be good again..."
"Nice dream, Kurt, mais c'est fou.3 Kitty be smart, mais she emotional. She already jealous o' Amanda an' you kissin' her jus' make tings worse. What we gonna do is brainstorm an' get you de bes' way ta get her over ta you 'gain."
"Remy," Scott said loudly, breaking into the conversation, "we'd better get going. Jean and Amara are just helping Storm in the greenhouse and that can't take too long..."
"Rahne said she and Jubilee were gonna run a sim, so they should be done in an hour," Jamie offered, his eyes bright at finally being allowed in with the older teenagers. _Finally! At least they see me as older, if not an adult...Damn being short... _
Remy nodded curtly. "D'accord. Now, we all know what happen earlier, eh?"
Kurt growled, "No need to rehash, ja?"
"No need," Lance snickered. "Dude, and I thought I fucked things up...at least I didn't kiss Patricia Garrison..."
"Lance, don't make me kill you. I'm sure there's some sort of form I'd have to fill out if I did and my written English isn't good enough for that level of paperwork yet..." Kurt sank wearily onto the divan as Remy motioned foott ott to take up the reins of the meeting.
Scott began pacing, his Fearless Leader Mode kicking in. "Now, I'm sure we've all had problems with our significant others, right?" There was a general murmur of agreement and Scott could not help but think of Jean and her vague threat earlier, leaving him wondering if she meant to go hit on other guys at school just to prove that he _did _ have something to worry about. Clearing his throat and his mind at once, he continued, "Kurt here has screwed up big time. Remy has requested that we help Kurt out with the benefit of our experiences."
"I have plenty of experience with this sort of thing, thank you!" Kurt said harshly, slouching down in the seat like a petulant five year old.
"Have you and Kitty ever really had a fight before? I don't mean some petty argument, but a _fight _ ?" Todd asked wearily.
"Nein...not...not really..." Kurt allowed.
Lance sighed heavily. "Then you have no idea what you're doing. You can't go through life expecting women to make sense, Kurt...Kitty least of all. Trust me-I've known her forever and a day. That girl makes no sense whatsoever."
"And just what the Hell is that supposed to mean?" Kurt was on his feet and leaning over Lance in the blink of an eye, his hands braced on either side of the lanky youth.
"Back down, there, tiger," Bobby said, joining forces with St John as the next nearest people to Lance to pull Kurt back. "What he's _trying _ to say," he gave Lance a pointed glare, "is that Kitty is...paradoxical."
St John nodded in agreement. "On one hand, she's one of the sweetest people you could ever meet, but on the other, I've seen her spit out insults so scathing it would make Amara blush."
Scott snorted. "And she's so...innocent-looking, but then she can really turn on the whole sex appeal thing." At Kurt's low growl, Scott made a warding gesture. "What? I'm a guy, I notice things...and besides, it's not like you two are exactly subtle with your foreplay, making eyes at each other all over Creation."
Remy chuckled. "Tell me 'bout it... Kitty got some smarts on her, too, mais she also can be so..." He edged away from Kurt's grasp before continuing, "simple sometime, especially if it somethin' she don' wanna know 'bout."
Jamie piped up, "She liked playing video games and stuff with me and Rahne, but she also reads those huge books with the weird letters..."
Kurt sighed. "She's being reading Russian literature in Russian again. It depresses her...I wish she wouldn't do that."
Scott stepped to Kurt's side and slung an arm around his shoulder, Remy joining him after a moment. "Look, Kurt, we're just trying to help. Between us all, we've got all sorts of things you can do for and to her that'll get her mind off this whole Amanda fiasco quicker than you can port..."
"I don't want to lie to her or play games..."
Lance raised his eyebrows. "You haven't been around girls much, have you? Women were _born _ to play games...at least according to Tabby."
Todd huffed a sigh. "And we all know that she's the best source to base information about women on..."
"Hey, she's a girl, ain't she?" Lance thumped Todd with a pillow and returned his rude gesture. "So you gonna let us help you or not?"
"We promise it's nothing weird," St John added. "Just...things we've found out."
"No offense, St John, " Kurt said, "but you're gay... What do you know about this?"
"We have problems too, Kurt," Bobby said with an touch of amusement in his voice. "I know it's hard to believe this image of perfection before you would ever cause problems for his partner, but I do..."
Kurt chuckled. "Fine, fine...you can try and help me, but I reserve the right to call you all dumbasses and walk off, right?"
"Right." Scott smiled broadly. "Kurt Wagneelcoelcome to The Xavier Institute's version of _Magnolia _ ..."4
"Otherwise known as 'How ta get your gal back 101," Remy put in.
Kurt groaned as he was led back to the divan and a babble of voices inundated him. "This," he murmured to himself, "is going to be interesting..."


A/N More Logan/Storm next chapter...and things will pick up then. Promise!


1 From the Anne of Green Gables series. Anne keeps telling her friend that she has no scope whenever the poor girl doesn't want to go haring off on some wild idea.
2 They say taking ibuprofen before getting anything waxed will help with the pain. Don't believe them.
3 It's crazy.
4 Y'all seen that? Weird little movie...