Playing with Fire
folder
X-Men - Animated Series (all) › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
24
Views:
11,669
Reviews:
144
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
X-Men - Animated Series (all) › Het - Male/Female
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
24
Views:
11,669
Reviews:
144
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own X-Men Evolution, or any of the characters from it. I make no money from from the writing of this story.
Reflections
Still don't 'em.'em.
_italics_ - thoughts and occasionally just emphasis
*bold* - emphasis
Belated thanks to my hubby for doing double duty as proof-reader and sounding board.
REFLECTIONS
Kurt jogged hurriedly down the hall to the service elevator to the sub-basement. It felt strange and barren with none of the art or decor he'd become used to since taking up residence. The walls were all painted and the ornate moldings and trims were in place, but without the marble pedestals and busts, the elegant vases and the elaborately framed old paintings lining the hallways it seemed like exactly what it was - unfinished and rather empty. Even this way, however, it was infinitely preferable to the stark, cold confines of the 'vault', he reflected as he waited for the darkly paneled elevator doors to open.
He could have 'ported straight down to the hallway outside the Danger Room and saved himself some time, but he was fairly certain he'd want every ounce of energy he could muster in the next few hours and besides, the elevator ride gave him time to think over what had just happened. It was strange and more th lit little unnerving, to find he had been so completely wrong; it was also the most wonderful relief. He wasn't entirely sure where they were going go to go from here, but there was absolutely no doubt that it had to be better than where they'd been already.
He knew he had a goofy grin plastered across his face, but he couldn't help it. Kitty wasn't angry with him, she wasn't frightened of him. He was afraid he might wake up and find out that the last twenty minutes had been a dream. Unless and until that happened, however, he was quite content to bask in the simple fact that, quite contrary to hating or fearing him, his best friend seemed to actually _want_ him, or at least to think she did. That was easily as confusing as it was reassuring, especially given the fact that he quite definitely returned the sentiment. He realized suddenly that his eyes had slipped shut and his breathing was getting short as his mind drifted back to her parting comment as he'd left. He had absolutely no idea where this might leave them when all was said and done, other than perhaps in a great deal of trouble, but it was still infinitely preferable to what he'd spent the entire week believing.
He forced his breathing to slow and shifted his focus to the coming session with Logan. By the time the elevator opened on the corridor of locker rooms leading to the back-up Danger Room, Kurt was feeling more relaxed than he had all week. He was still looking forward to this session with Logan, and he wasn't going to try and delude himself into thinking this reconciliation with Kitty would solve all his problems or put an end to his nightmares, but it was a start, and a good one.
It only took him a few moments to suit up in the locker room before he was off to join Logan in the small simulation chamber at the end of the hall, pausing just outside the door for the time it took to wipe any trace of a grin from his face. It wouldn't do to have his teacher think he wasn't taking this seriously; he was doubtless in for enough abuse as it was - he didn't need to add to that by aggravating the man. As the doors slid open he entered the small chamber, swords in hand, and hoped briefly that Logan hadn't been joking about getting drunk when they were done here - he was probably going to need it by the time this night was over.
Kitty stood out on the balcony outside Kurt's room for a long time after he left, arms wrapped around herself against the evening chill as the last light of day faded from the sky. She felt like her life was spiraling out of control.
_What's wrong with me?_ she thought with a hint of desperation.
She hadn't come to see Kurt tonight just to start a re-play of Saturday afternoon, she just had to see if what Rogue had said was true and it had pained her more than she thought possible to realize that it was - that he had spent the entire week *punishing* himself because she had basically jumped him and then pushed him over the edge. Jeez, he was a sixteen year old boy after all, how much self control did anyone really expect him to have? She would've expected a whole lot less than he actually ended up displaying. It hurt her that he had honestly expected her to be angry and afraid, and moreover that he believed he deserved it. It was all there on his face, clear as day when she really looked at him, his eerie golden eyes dimmed with shame.
He had been so close and so...vulnerable...standing there and it had seemed the easiest, most natural thing in the world to reach out to him and then, how better to prove that she was neither angry nor afraid than with a kiss? Just one kiss, on the cheek, wouldn't be so bad. She knew now, from the vantage of twenty/twenty hindsight, that she had been lost from the moment her fingers touched the velvet of his cheek. She couldn't delude herself that there had ever been even a pretense of a chaste kiss between friends. By the time he had surrendered to the pressure of her guiding hand on his neck she had been lost in the molten gold of his eyes. As he bent towards her she had already been parting her lips to taste him and the world had narrowed down to nothing but the two of them and the rising heat in her belly as she pressed against him, feeling herself gathered into his strong embrace.
Her eyes snapped open as a shiver passed through her. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart. Gazing out on the rhythmic surge and swell of the ocean she realized why Kurt found this view so calming. She leaned her elbows on the low wall where he had been perched when she found him and tried to lose herself in the vastness of the sea.
_He was right to ask what's happening between us_, she thought with some frustration. _But I don't *know* and I really *don't* want to analyze it into the ground. God, why can't we just accept that it's something good and leave it at that? I mean it's not like I'm throwing myself at some stranger out of the blue, and it's not like I'm easy or a nympho. I dated Lance for, like, months and never even let him get a *hand* in my pants, let alone anything else. And this is *Kurt*. So we've never actually dated or anything, we've been, like, best friends for ages. Maybe this is just, like, the next natural step._
The world had become such a frightening place in the last few months. Attacked by a giant, killer robot from hell; exposed on national, _no international_, television; their home destroyed; hunted by the military. Even now they were taunted, harassed and threatened on a daily basis. Thinking about it she realized that some of the only times she had felt tr_saf_safe_ and _relaxed_ and totally _accepted_ had been when she was with Kurt and now...? Now she didn't want to risk losing what she was coming to realize was the best friendship she had ever had, but she also didn't want to give up on the chance that it could be something more.
She knew now that life was, in fact, very uncertain and potentially very short. It had been a painful but effective lesson. With the rising tide of anti-mutant sentiment in the world it could be only a matter of time before some looney decided to rid the world of one or more of the 'filthy muties' and she didn't want to risk losing Kurt, and whatever they might have between them, without ever really having had him. Moreover, she realized with a small jolt, breath catching with the surprise of the revelation, she really didn't want to die a virgin. She'd never really thought of it before now, perhaps because she'd never _really_ wanted to be with anyone in that way before, but it was true. If she were to be killed on some mission, or simply gunned down by a madman on the street, she didn't want to die without ever knowing what it was like to make love to a man, and she _did_ want to make love to Kurt.
She felt a tear slip down her cheek as these thoughts ran through her head. _My God, I'm only sixteen. I don't want to die, I don't want to *think* about dying, or about my friends dying. But...I don't want to die without..." Her thoughts trailed away into emptiness as she felt more tears follow the trail of the first and she lowered her head onto her arms where they rested on the balcony rail and simply let them fall.
It was almost half an hour before she could recover herself sufficiently to join the others in the common room for movie night. She had no idea when Kurt would be back and she couldn't simply lurk in his room and mope all night. Maybe the company would distract her while she waited for Kurt to finish with Mr. Logan. One thing she knew was that they couldn't go another night without working things out, whatever the outcome. She'd made a start and she had to see it through.
_____________________________
Yes, this could get ugly. But will it?
BTW - I've noticed this site is very light on revicompcompared to what I'm used to - any chance of a few more reviews here? Please? I'm desperate. Yeah, I'm a feed-back junkie, so sue me. Really though - anonymous is fine and go ahead and tell me if you think it's irredeemable drivel. Sycophantic praise is great, but criticism (constructive or otherwise) works too. I just want to know if there's more than one or two people reading.
_italics_ - thoughts and occasionally just emphasis
*bold* - emphasis
Belated thanks to my hubby for doing double duty as proof-reader and sounding board.
REFLECTIONS
Kurt jogged hurriedly down the hall to the service elevator to the sub-basement. It felt strange and barren with none of the art or decor he'd become used to since taking up residence. The walls were all painted and the ornate moldings and trims were in place, but without the marble pedestals and busts, the elegant vases and the elaborately framed old paintings lining the hallways it seemed like exactly what it was - unfinished and rather empty. Even this way, however, it was infinitely preferable to the stark, cold confines of the 'vault', he reflected as he waited for the darkly paneled elevator doors to open.
He could have 'ported straight down to the hallway outside the Danger Room and saved himself some time, but he was fairly certain he'd want every ounce of energy he could muster in the next few hours and besides, the elevator ride gave him time to think over what had just happened. It was strange and more th lit little unnerving, to find he had been so completely wrong; it was also the most wonderful relief. He wasn't entirely sure where they were going go to go from here, but there was absolutely no doubt that it had to be better than where they'd been already.
He knew he had a goofy grin plastered across his face, but he couldn't help it. Kitty wasn't angry with him, she wasn't frightened of him. He was afraid he might wake up and find out that the last twenty minutes had been a dream. Unless and until that happened, however, he was quite content to bask in the simple fact that, quite contrary to hating or fearing him, his best friend seemed to actually _want_ him, or at least to think she did. That was easily as confusing as it was reassuring, especially given the fact that he quite definitely returned the sentiment. He realized suddenly that his eyes had slipped shut and his breathing was getting short as his mind drifted back to her parting comment as he'd left. He had absolutely no idea where this might leave them when all was said and done, other than perhaps in a great deal of trouble, but it was still infinitely preferable to what he'd spent the entire week believing.
He forced his breathing to slow and shifted his focus to the coming session with Logan. By the time the elevator opened on the corridor of locker rooms leading to the back-up Danger Room, Kurt was feeling more relaxed than he had all week. He was still looking forward to this session with Logan, and he wasn't going to try and delude himself into thinking this reconciliation with Kitty would solve all his problems or put an end to his nightmares, but it was a start, and a good one.
It only took him a few moments to suit up in the locker room before he was off to join Logan in the small simulation chamber at the end of the hall, pausing just outside the door for the time it took to wipe any trace of a grin from his face. It wouldn't do to have his teacher think he wasn't taking this seriously; he was doubtless in for enough abuse as it was - he didn't need to add to that by aggravating the man. As the doors slid open he entered the small chamber, swords in hand, and hoped briefly that Logan hadn't been joking about getting drunk when they were done here - he was probably going to need it by the time this night was over.
Kitty stood out on the balcony outside Kurt's room for a long time after he left, arms wrapped around herself against the evening chill as the last light of day faded from the sky. She felt like her life was spiraling out of control.
_What's wrong with me?_ she thought with a hint of desperation.
She hadn't come to see Kurt tonight just to start a re-play of Saturday afternoon, she just had to see if what Rogue had said was true and it had pained her more than she thought possible to realize that it was - that he had spent the entire week *punishing* himself because she had basically jumped him and then pushed him over the edge. Jeez, he was a sixteen year old boy after all, how much self control did anyone really expect him to have? She would've expected a whole lot less than he actually ended up displaying. It hurt her that he had honestly expected her to be angry and afraid, and moreover that he believed he deserved it. It was all there on his face, clear as day when she really looked at him, his eerie golden eyes dimmed with shame.
He had been so close and so...vulnerable...standing there and it had seemed the easiest, most natural thing in the world to reach out to him and then, how better to prove that she was neither angry nor afraid than with a kiss? Just one kiss, on the cheek, wouldn't be so bad. She knew now, from the vantage of twenty/twenty hindsight, that she had been lost from the moment her fingers touched the velvet of his cheek. She couldn't delude herself that there had ever been even a pretense of a chaste kiss between friends. By the time he had surrendered to the pressure of her guiding hand on his neck she had been lost in the molten gold of his eyes. As he bent towards her she had already been parting her lips to taste him and the world had narrowed down to nothing but the two of them and the rising heat in her belly as she pressed against him, feeling herself gathered into his strong embrace.
Her eyes snapped open as a shiver passed through her. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart. Gazing out on the rhythmic surge and swell of the ocean she realized why Kurt found this view so calming. She leaned her elbows on the low wall where he had been perched when she found him and tried to lose herself in the vastness of the sea.
_He was right to ask what's happening between us_, she thought with some frustration. _But I don't *know* and I really *don't* want to analyze it into the ground. God, why can't we just accept that it's something good and leave it at that? I mean it's not like I'm throwing myself at some stranger out of the blue, and it's not like I'm easy or a nympho. I dated Lance for, like, months and never even let him get a *hand* in my pants, let alone anything else. And this is *Kurt*. So we've never actually dated or anything, we've been, like, best friends for ages. Maybe this is just, like, the next natural step._
The world had become such a frightening place in the last few months. Attacked by a giant, killer robot from hell; exposed on national, _no international_, television; their home destroyed; hunted by the military. Even now they were taunted, harassed and threatened on a daily basis. Thinking about it she realized that some of the only times she had felt tr_saf_safe_ and _relaxed_ and totally _accepted_ had been when she was with Kurt and now...? Now she didn't want to risk losing what she was coming to realize was the best friendship she had ever had, but she also didn't want to give up on the chance that it could be something more.
She knew now that life was, in fact, very uncertain and potentially very short. It had been a painful but effective lesson. With the rising tide of anti-mutant sentiment in the world it could be only a matter of time before some looney decided to rid the world of one or more of the 'filthy muties' and she didn't want to risk losing Kurt, and whatever they might have between them, without ever really having had him. Moreover, she realized with a small jolt, breath catching with the surprise of the revelation, she really didn't want to die a virgin. She'd never really thought of it before now, perhaps because she'd never _really_ wanted to be with anyone in that way before, but it was true. If she were to be killed on some mission, or simply gunned down by a madman on the street, she didn't want to die without ever knowing what it was like to make love to a man, and she _did_ want to make love to Kurt.
She felt a tear slip down her cheek as these thoughts ran through her head. _My God, I'm only sixteen. I don't want to die, I don't want to *think* about dying, or about my friends dying. But...I don't want to die without..." Her thoughts trailed away into emptiness as she felt more tears follow the trail of the first and she lowered her head onto her arms where they rested on the balcony rail and simply let them fall.
It was almost half an hour before she could recover herself sufficiently to join the others in the common room for movie night. She had no idea when Kurt would be back and she couldn't simply lurk in his room and mope all night. Maybe the company would distract her while she waited for Kurt to finish with Mr. Logan. One thing she knew was that they couldn't go another night without working things out, whatever the outcome. She'd made a start and she had to see it through.
_____________________________
Yes, this could get ugly. But will it?
BTW - I've noticed this site is very light on revicompcompared to what I'm used to - any chance of a few more reviews here? Please? I'm desperate. Yeah, I'm a feed-back junkie, so sue me. Really though - anonymous is fine and go ahead and tell me if you think it's irredeemable drivel. Sycophantic praise is great, but criticism (constructive or otherwise) works too. I just want to know if there's more than one or two people reading.