One More Kiss For The Road

Ok here’s the next chapter so sorry it took so long but i was busy on one of my other fics but here it is now and brimming with angst for all those who like that.

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Chapter 10

Kurt was in hell. He’d neatly avoided listening to Evans rants by telling Scott he was gonna port home after assuring Scott that he was fine. luckily Rogue had already talked to him assuring him that Kurt was ok. He’d ported up to his room before calling Pietro, who he knew had decided to run home. He’d arranged to meet him in the woods out near the school at 7 o’clock after his danger room training. It was a good deserted area and the chances of them seeing anyone they knew or in fact anyone at all was practically zero. As always he was looking forward to seeing Pietro but right now he was in hell! Evan had come upstairs to see him the second he got home Kurt had been unable to make an escape and he’d sat and listened, sickened by his friend’s words.

“Hey bro you alright? You gotta be freaking after what that fag at school did. Fucking freak should have kept his hands to himself. Rogue told us how he didn’t manage to touch anything important but still you gotta feel pretty sick with it. I know I would. I wanted to kick the shit out of him, teach him a lesson for you but Scott wouldn’t let me, just kept banging on about how we have to be more PC like he doesn’t get how disgusting it is. We should have taught that fucking queer a lesson so he didn’t try his revolting luck on with anyone else, send out a message to the all the other homo’s, let these people know were not gonna put up with their sick shit...” Evan ranted on not, seeming to notice the way Kurt shook slightly as he tried to keep a tight rein on his emotions.

Mein gott, the zhings he is saying. He doesn’t even realize how much he’s hurting me, that he’s talking about me too. If he only knew zhat I vas gay too I’d be one of THOSE PEOPLE. I’d be zhe sick freak who needed putting in his place, Kurt thought, fighting back tears as Evan’s venomous spiel of horrible hurtful words seemed to have no end.

Pietro had warned him but he hadn’t been able to picture Evan like this. Well, now he’d seen it with his own two eyes. Evan’s harsh merciless words were being branded on his brain. He felt like he was going to throw up.

Is this how the others thought, deep down inside? Is this what they would think of him if they knew? He felt a hollow feeling start deep down inside of him. The others had corrected Evan but they didn’t seem offended by the things Evan said. They just lectured him on being politically correct. Maybe that was all they cared about, being seen to be nice. Maybe they all thought like this. Maybe they would all despise him if they knew, just like he now knew Evan would. Kurt lurched to his feet needing to get away from Evan’s poisoness soul destroying words.

“I need to go to zhe bathroom. I don’t feel very vell. I’ll see you at dinner.” Kurt announced rudely, cutting off Evan’s speech. Evan looked at him.

“Yeah, ok man, you do look kinda ill. It was probably being touched by that freak. I know that would be enough to make me sick.” Evan offered in what he thought was a comforting way.

Kurt forced a pained smile before porting straight to the bathroom, retching into the toilet bowl. He chuckled weakly. Evan’s words actually had made him physically sick. He was shaking in fear. He and Pietro could be found out so easily no matter how careful they were. They could be caught at any moment by anyone on their teams. Over the last week they had already had a couple of really close calls and had only just got away with their secret.

Was this what was going to be waiting for him when people found out? Would they all look at him with such seething hatred and disgust in their eyes, revolted by him and his body’s sinful yearnings?

He felt another wave of nausea wash over him as he retched violently into the bowl, bringing up what had been left of his lunch along with acidic bile that tasted foul in his mouth. He’d gone into this thing with Pietro because he didn’t feel that he could deny himself what he wanted so badly. He thought he had gone into this with his eyes open.

He remembered how their excuse for getting together was that they might burn each other out of their systems but it had been a month now and he hadn’t burned Pietro out, he’d just burned him more firmly in. He thought about him all the time, he loved talking to him, hearing his voice, his laugh. He loved seeing him, seeing his smile and the way his eyes burned. He loved the things they did together the sensations thrilling him and yet at the same time, bringing him a peace and a sense of closeness he’d never known with another person.

Kurt wasn’t ashamed to admit he was terrified as he lay on the floor, Evan’s words echoing through his head. He loved all these things about Pietro and a thousand more. He felt connected to Pietro in a way he’d never dared hope for, but was he in love with him? He was risking a hell of a lot, his entire world if he wasn’t. They hadn’t even gone all the way yet. It was only 10 days ago that they had taken the next step forward sexually.

Could he love Pietro? Yes he could, he knew without a doubt that he was capable of loving Pietro and it terrified him. He couldn’t help but wonder if the two of them should get out now and forget about each other whilst there was still some time, whilst they still could. He lay there damning his own fear.

The fear of being rejected had always been strong in him, partly to do with being abandoned by his real mother, who he had always believed tossed him aside, scared of the way he looked. The fear had only grown over the years as he lost his foster parents and so many of the people he grew up beside. He wasn’t sure if he was strong enough.

Could he take it if the family he had found with the X-Men rejected him, casting him away in fear and disgust? He wasn’t sure and it was laying on him like a 10 ton block of lead weighing him down. He needed to stop this. He’d made his choice when he and Pietro had stood in that closet so many weeks ago. It felt like an eternity ago he’d chosen to follow his desires, his feelings. He’d chosen Pietro. He couldn’t go back on that choice now, could he?

Pietro was unfortunately in a similar position to Kurt. After Kurt’s call he had waited for the other boys to come home. He’d figured he should spend a little time with them before he ran off to meet Kurt. He’d listened as they trooped into the house, chattering away.

He frowned slightly. He couldn’t hear what they were saying but he could hear the tone of their voices and something about them sent a cold feeling of dread through his spine. He remained lying in his position on the couch as the other boys put their things away. Pietro watched as Lance walked over, leaning his elbows on the back of the couch to look over it at Pietro. Toad hopped in beside him, jumping into the armchair at Pietro’s feet.

“Yo, dawg, you ain’t never gonna guess what’s happened.” Toad announced with malicious glee, bouncing slightly in his seat. Pietro felt uneasy but projected a nonchalant uncaring demeanour.

“Am I likely to care?” he asked, giving Toad a haughty look. Toad grinned broadly, showing of his greenish yellow teeth.

“Oh yeah, man, you’ll flip when you hear. It all went down after you bolted at lunch.” Toad said eagerly. Pietro didn’t know whether he should relax or not. It was obviously going to be gossip about what had happened with Kurt. Was he going to be able to sit through it? He schooled his face to show no emotions as he watched Freddie come into the room, settling in the armchair by Pietro’s head. He glanced up at Lance with a bored expression on his face, taking in Lance’s cruelly amused grin.

“Yeah, it seems you were wrong about that Goth kid going after my property.” Lance smirked, Pietro shrugged.

“Whoops, sorry, it really did look like that from where I was sitting, the way he was leaning across to flirt with Kitty I thought I was doing you a favour.” Pietro said airily. Lance’s eyes lit up in a way Pietro found he didn’t like.

“Nah man, that’s fine. You were just looking out for me, beside the guy WAS moving in on someone. It wasn’t Kitty, though. Guess who it was.” Lance said, thinking he was dangling the proverbial carrot in front of Pietro’s nose. Pietro just rolled his eyes before fixing Lance with another bored look.

“Not like I really care, but who was it?” Pietro asked, already knowing the answer and preparing himself to look appropriately shocked when he was told. Lance opened his mouth to answer but Toad beat him to it.

“It was the fucking Nightcrawler, dawg. That guy wasn’t leaning OVER Kurt to flirt with Kitty Kat, he was leaning into Kurt to make a pass at Kurt and from what I heard later, the guy was real handsy, if you know what I mean and what do you think, yo? Fuzzbutt just sat there and let the fag grope him.” Pietro let the look of astonishment cross his face, trying hard not to wince at the word fag. Lance scowled at Toad.

“Hey, I thought I was meant to be the one telling him.” Lance said menacingly. Toad foolishly waved him off, a dangerous thing to do with someone with a fuse as short as Lance’s but he seemed to have gotten away with it this time as Lance settled.

“Sorry, dawg, but you were taking too long. I wanted to see his face.” Toad shrugged in apology. Lance just shook his head.

“Ok, so where were we? Oh yeah, so this queen is fucking feeling the fuzzball up and putting all the moves on him. The sick bastard even manages to feel up the blue gremlins cock and Nightcrawler doesn’t say a word. He just sat there and took it, let the sick freak feel him up. He probably liked it. He’s probably a fucking homo too, perverted bastards.” Pietro’s heart sank as he listened to Lance talk, his words reminding him of Evans so long ago. He’d obviously been fooling himself by thinking his friends would stand by him if he got caught.

He listened, feeling the pain wash over him with every word and they were ragging on Kurt too. He couldn’t say anything though. If he did defend Kurt, they’d figure out something was wrong and they wouldn’t stop till they knew exactly what and then they would turn on him like a pack of rabid dogs. He could be homeless, they could tell Mystique.

Oh god, they could tell his father! He felt a cold shiver of fear creep up his spine. He had no illusions as to Magneto’s affection for him as a son. He’d seen what Magneto was capable of. It was becoming increasingly clear as he listened to the homophobic slurs and opinions coming out of his so called friends’ mouths that they would despise him. They would almost definitely kick him out of the Brotherhood and quite possibly worse.

He made his excuses after a while and went up to his room, burying his face in the pillow letting out harsh panicked breaths. Oh-god-oh-god-oh-god-oh-god, it was Evan all over again, only so much worse. He knew now that he was gay and he was dating a guy on the other side. It was only a matter of time before they got found out. It was inevitable. They couldn’t hide forever and the second people knew, his friends were going to turn on him.

He remembered his panic two days before, when Lance and Kitty had come so close to catching them. He and Kurt had risked going to the cinema together on a Saturday night. It was foolish, really. They had been sitting there in the back row, watching the adverts for upcoming features, waiting for the lights to go down so they could make out when Kitty and Lance had walked in, obviously on a date.

They had both immediately hit the deck and Kurt had ported them out of there. They had been so lucky not to be seen, and that wasn’t even the only occasion they had almost been caught. Any day now, they were going to get found out and his friends would hate him. It hurt so much, even more that he had expected.

The Brotherhood boys might be idiots but they were the closest thing he’d had to a family in so long. Ever since his dad had tossed his sister in a loony bin and dumped him with social services, throwing his own children away like so much trash. If he was capable of that, he could be capable of anything.

He hadn’t even told the others that he had a sister. Kurt was the only one he had told the full story to, how his twin sister had been yanked away from him when they were six years old. How his father had left her to rot in that hellhole, promising Pietro it was just for a little while, till she got control of her powers. Pietro had asked constantly when Wanda was coming back. He’d asked the people at social services, his numerous foster parents, even pleading with his father to bring her back on the rare occasions that he saw him. After a few years and many punishments, he’d learned not to ask anymore.

When he was 12 and finally had full control of his powers, he’d started actively searching for her himself as he ran everywhere, searching for the place. A year later, he’d finally found the disgusting dump, but Wanda wasn’t there. He’d broken into the offices. He found some vague references to a girl that could have been Wanda being moved to another asylum but nothing else, nothing to tell him where to look next. There weren’t even any official records to say she had been there in the first place. He’d ran up huge phone bills, calling every mental hospital he could find but had just hit endless brick walls.

He’d finally been forced to give up the search. He may never know what happened to Wanda. He didn’t even know if she was still alive. He’d always hated himself for allowing her to be taken. It didn’t matter that he had only been a child and there hadn’t really been anything he could do about it. He still blamed himself. He had failed her, he’d failed her when he allowed his father to send her away and he’d failed to find her again so many years later.

Pietro felt the dampness from his tears soak into the pillow. What the hell was he doing? He was in enough pain and trouble without dragging up those old memories.

He knew all of this was his fault. He’d baited Kurt every time they had met at the beginning. He was the one who had kissed Kurt, starting this whole mess. He was the one who came up with stupid excuses so that he could give into his bodies desires. It was all him and now it was his choices that were coming back around to bite both of them in the ass.

He wasn’t sure how he was going to cope. He was so afraid of what the future had in store, if, or more precisely, when they were caught. Was he strong enough for what lay ahead? He didn’t think so. When had he ever been strong enough? Never, he’d always been weak and he was going to lose the little he had when they were found out.

Was it worth it? He knew he wasn’t worth it, not worth the risks Kurt was taking to be with him. Kurt had quickly become so incredibly important to him. Was it love? Did he love Kurt? And deep down inside, he knew the answer was yes he did! Somehow, despite how short a time they had been together, he had fallen in love with Kurt and that terrified him even more.

He was putting both of them at so much risk. The horrifying future he couldn’t bear to dwell on lay ahead of them when they were caught. He would be forced to run. Could he, in good conscience, ask Kurt to run with him? Could he stand it if they had to spend the rest of their lives running from their parents?

He felt so scared and unsure, more like that 6 year old boy he once was than the nearly 17 year old young man he was supposedly becoming. He wanted to see Kurt. He wanted Kurt to wrap those warm comforting furry arms around him and let all his fears wash away. Pietro lay there like a stone, watching the clock as it ticked down the seconds till he was due to meet Kurt.

Kurt was a bag of nerves. It had been all he could do to get through dinner and the training room session. He’d avoided Evan as much as possible. He didn’t even want to be anywhere near the guy. The spike throwing boy was still ranting, his words filling Kurt with pain.

He’d barely touched his dinner, telling the others that he didn’t feel very well when they commented. Rogue had heard him retching in the bathroom and had suggested that he sit out the training room session. Kurt had said he was ok. He needed to be in the session. He needed some way to release all the anger and pain, something that could occupy his mind till he could get to Pietro.

Logan had watched approvingly as Kurt destroyed half the training room single handed, displaying a ferocity unusual to his character. He’d walked out the training session, his body ached and the pain and fear was still there. He’d gone for a shower before telling the others that he wanted some time to himself. They had all nodded their understanding.

Kurt had felt his insides wither as Evan gave him his own special brand of understanding. Kurt had ended up porting to their meeting spot, a small clearing in the middle of the woods, a full 10 minutes early. He’d had to get away from the mansion. He let his senses out as he waited for Pietro to arrive.

Pietro jogged to his and Kurt’s clearing at a normal human speed. He knew he was a good 5 minutes early but he hadn’t been able to stay where he was any longer. He had lay there, letting his fears eat away at him, till he couldn’t take it any longer and he’d decided to walk to meet Kurt. He waded through the bushes that protected their clearing. He stopped as he saw a figure standing there in the moonlight. He sighed with relief as he realised it was Kurt.

“Kurt.” Pietro called as he pushed through the bushes, needing to get to Kurt, needing to know everything was going to be alright. He saw the solemn pained look on Kurt’s face. He guessed Kurt’s evening had gone as badly as his own. They flung themselves at one another, each holding the other to them with all their strength as they shared a desperate kiss before hiding their faces in each other’s shoulders, both savouring the comforting embrace.

“Gott, Pietro.” Kurt choked, shaking slightly, allowing Pietro’s arms to soothe away his pain. Pietro looked up, meeting Kurt’s eyes which were glistening with unshed tears.

“It was Evan, wasn’t it!” Pietro stated more than asked, recognising the pain and fear in Kurt’s eyes, the feelings that so closely matched his own. Kurt sniffled nodding slightly.

“Ja, you were right about him. The zhings he vas saying, he vas insulting and degrading me right to mein face and he didn’t even know it and zhe others, zhey just told him off for not being more PC...” Kurt spat sarcastically as Pietro listened sadly.

“...zhey didn’t even seem to be really offended by zhe zhings he vas saying, just embarrassed. Vhat if zhey all zhink zhe same vay, Pietro? Vhat if they hate me? I’m so scared.” Kurt trailed off with a whimper. Pietro bit his shaking lower lip. He didn’t know how to help Kurt. He was dealing with the same fears after all.

“I don’t know what to say to help. I hope for your sake that the others aren’t like that, that its just Evan but I’m not sure if that’s something that you can guess at. People have a horrible way of surprising you sometimes.” Pietro said shakily, his eyes misting over as he remembered what had happened earlier, having his fears confirmed. The Brotherhood would turn on him when they found out.

Kurt wiped his eyes, seeing the tears in Pietro’s, knowing instinctively that something else had happened to hurt the other boy.

“Vhat has happened?” Kurt asked softly, hopping that whatever it was would be eased by giving Pietro the opportunity to talk about it.

“The Brotherhood, god, Kurt, it was like Evan all over again. I’d really hoped that they would be able to accept me when they found out about us but they’re not gonna. They’ll hate me. They were talking about you and that Goth kid. The things they were saying made it pretty clear that they would despise me if they knew. I’m scared too, Kurt, really scared. We can’t keep this a secret forever. Someone is going to find out about us and then what? I know the Brotherhood is a pretty crappy family but it’s all I got and they’re gonna hate me. Maybe we should just go our separate ways now and save ourselves some pain.” Pietro let it all spill out unthinkingly as he sobbed into Kurt’s shoulder.

Kurt stiffened in Pietro’s embrace. Hadn’t he, not so long ago, thought the same thing himself? But it still hurt to hear Pietro suggest such a thing.

“Is zhat really vhat you vant? To break up?” Kurt asked, his voice cracking painfully. Pietro’s head shot up, realizing what he had said.

“No! I didn’t mean that. I don’t want that I’m just scared. We’ve both got so much to lose and the future isn’t looking too good right now.” Pietro said, frantically wishing he could pull back his words, at the same time terrified that it was going to be the only solution to their problems.

“I don’t vant to lose you, Pietro, but I’m scared. I’m so afraid of vhere all zhis is heading. Do you love me, Pietro?” Kurt asked, his voice husky and dry, knowing how important the answer to that question was. Pietro gaped. Oh shit, here it was. He could either tell Kurt the truth and admit his feelings or he could lie knowing what it might lead to. He had to answer Kurt. Yes? Or no?

“I don’t know Kurt. It’s too soon. How am I supposed to answer that?” Pietro pleaded, wincing inwardly at his lie, the calmly desolate look on Kurt’s face scaring him.

“Your right, it is too soon. It’s too soon for me too but I do know that I could love you and once zhat happens there will be no turning back for me, no second chances. The pain of losing you vould kill me but right now ve have a choice. Like you said, ve could part now before we fall any deeper. Nobody vould ever have to know. It would hurt, gott, it vould hurt so bad but ve vould get through it. It is as you said, we are both risking so much, too much if it is not love. We have a choice here and now. We can go back to our lives and our teams, be as ve vere before or we can actively choose against zhat and take zhe chance zhat vhat ve have between us would be love, would be vorth zhe pain of everyzhing ve vould loose.” Kurt’s voice wavered and cracked as he spoke, the sobs threatening to overtake him at what he was suggesting.

Pietro’s eyes were brimming over with tears. He understood the choice that lay before them. Kurt wasn’t suggesting anything that he himself hadn’t thought about. On one hand he could choose the Brotherhood. He’d be safe from Mystique and his father and he’d get to keep the brothers he had found but he would lose Kurt. On the other hand he could choose Kurt, who he loved and the possibility of something amazing that he knew existed between them but he would lose his home and his friends and he and Kurt would both be in danger from his father’s and quite likely Kurt’s mother’s wrath.

They would be forced to run. Could he really live his whole life running away? It wasn’t love yet for Kurt. The knowledge that Kurt could love him gave him a warm feeling despite his pain. He loved Kurt but he was too afraid of the future they would have together.

Pietro looked up at Kurt’s reddened tear stained eyes, knowing his own were puffy and swollen from sorrow and he suddenly knew, just knew this was going to be it. As far as Kurt knew, it wasn’t love yet which meant they were going to turn back because they still could. He could see the pain and heartbreak in Kurt’s eyes that told him Kurt had reached the same conclusion.

“So I guess this is really it. This is really goodbye. One more kiss for the road?” Pietro sobbingly laughed as he uttered the phrase that had become a bit of a trade mark with him where Kurt was concerned. Tears were running down Kurt’s cheeks in streams, soaking into the fur. He knew that this was the right choice, the only choice, but god, it hurt so much. They were really saying goodbye. He was really going to say goodbye to Pietro. It had only been a month and already they were over.

“Vouldn’t that just make zhis harder?” Kurt whispered weakly amidst his tears as he watched Pietro.

“Maybe, but all this started with a kiss. Don’t you think it should end on one?” Pietro sobbed brokenly, knowing this was the end and needing that one last kiss before he let go of the one person he’d ever truly loved. Kurt sniffled and nodded his head before leaning forwards. Their lips met in an achingly sweet open mouthed kiss. Kurt could taste the salt from his and Pietro’s tears intermingled with Pietro’s own unique minty taste. He inhaled deeply, trying to commit the taste and Pietro’s scent to memory. He pulled back. This was it! He got shakily to his feet, choking back his emotions.

“Auf weidersehen, silver.” Kurt said hoarsely, looking deep into Pietro’s tear swollen eyes.

“Goodbye, blue.” Pietro sniffled, his body trembling from the intensity of his emotions. Kurt closed his eyes, preparing himself to port, knowing if he looked at Pietro now he wouldn’t be able to leave. It hurt so much. How could it hurt this much? He thought as he ported back to the Institute.

As he watched Kurt disappear, Pietro let the full force of his pain burst out of him, his body wracked with sobs, shaking with the effort. His throat burned and stung, he couldn’t see through his own tears as he curled up in a miserable ball on the grass as it truly hit him exactly what he had just given up.

Kurt was gone! No more secret meetings, no more kisses that made his toes curl, no more of those just-for-Pietro smiles, no more of Kurt’s jokes and teasing, no more listening to Kurt’s happy laughter or kissing the cheeky smile off Kurt’s face, no more being held by strong furry arms, no more secret looks, no more playing with Kurt’s tail just to hear him moan. No more petting that luxurious fur and listening to Kurt’s purrs, no more working each other’s bodies into ecstasy.

It was all gone, never to be his again. He’d just lost the first person he’d ever loved. He felt like someone had reached into his chest and yanked his heart out, leaving nothing but a large angry gaping chasm. He felt empty, completely hollow of anything other than pain. He’d never felt anything like it, more than anything right now he wanted to run to Kurt, tell him that he’d changed his mind, to tell him he’d lied, to tell him the truth, anything to make the hurting stop but he couldn’t. He’d just lost something precious and there was no going back. He had to get through this. The pain would fade, it had to, he just needed to wait it out.

Pietro lay there on the grass, shivering and letting out the occasional heart rending sob for over an hour before he hoisted himself up, wiping his sleeve roughly across his eyes. Staying out here wasn’t doing him any good. He started to trudge home. He didn’t feel like he had the energy to run. He barely felt like he had the energy to stand.

He huddled in on himself as the chill February winds wrapped around him. He felt cold and dead inside and he knew it had nothing to do with the wind as he slogged his way home. Everything hurt and his eyes constantly glazed over with tears.

Eventually, after what felt like forever, Pietro approached the Brotherhood house. He forced his body into a single burst of super speed to get him past the others’ prying eyes to his room. It was just gone 9 o’clock but Pietro was exhausted. He lifelessly pulled off his clothes and crawled into bed, curling up tightly under the covers, smothering his pain filled cries into his pillow till he drifted off to sleep.

Kurt had arrived in his room. He’d checked the lock on his door before throwing himself onto the bed and howling piteously into his pillow. Gott, but he hadn’t been prepared for it to hurt this much! He felt like someone had reached deep down inside him and torn out something precious, something he desperately needed, maybe even his very soul.

He gave in totally to his heartbroken sobs, soaking his pillow with the tears that ran like a never ending torrent from his eyes. He panted and gasped, he couldn’t breathe, his chest hurt. He shuddered, continuously cursing himself for his decision. Pietro may have been the one to first suggest the idea of breaking up but it had been him who had offered it as a plausible choice. His body, heart and soul hurt in ways he wouldn’t have thought possible and he deserved every second of the pain, even if he couldn’t stand it.

He could still picture Pietro’s face, smiling and happy as it had so often been when they were together, so beautiful. He’d done Pietro a favour. He deserved so much more that what he had to offer. What was he after all? A freak, a demon, a beast, that’s what! Yeah, Pietro deserved better but Kurt’s heart still wrenched at the thought of never being with Pietro again, never kissing him, never laughing together, never having anymore of those deep meaningful conversations. No more sharing their days, their pasts, their secrets or their bodies. He’d lost it all and it felt like he was dying from the pain but it was too late now. They had made their decision. This pain was his and he had to suffer it alone. Pietro was gone!

They said time healed all wounds. Kurt could only pray that time could heal this one. The salt of his tears were burning his eyes. He wanted to curl up and die. He couldn’t understand how it could hurt so much. It hadn’t been love yet! They had only been together a month. It was such a short amount of time really. He told himself that the pain would fade. He just had to take this day by day. Tomorrow would be better he assured himself. It wouldn’t hurt as much tomorrow. He prayed as he drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

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Oh no! They broke up? Will they get back together? Haha i’m evil and i love it.

Don’t fret pets there will be more this is not the end!