Primal Urges

Hello Again!

Thank you for all of the views, but I wish I had more reviews...;)

Anyway, I hope you are enjoying this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have many other projects in the works, and some may find their way here! LMAO

Again...the phrases in the '' are thoughts (eventually I'll figure out the italics on here!)

Also, sorry for the delay in the update...my editors have a lot of stuff to do! Love you guys!



I present...







Part Ten



It has been close to a week since Logan rescued Ororo and she has still remained in her silent world. Logan alternates between the Danger Room and Medlab…never staying far away from her, but needing to release his frustration and guilt out on something so that he can have the right state of mind for her. He talks to her, telling her things that he can remember about his past…reassuring her that he will always be there, apologizing over and over for failing her and letting this happen. The distraught mutant washes her face and brushes her hair everyday…having pushed Jean out the room the very first time she had tried to do it. This is his mate…his responsibility and come hell or high water he is going to do right by her.



No one has really pushed him to let them do things for ‘Ro since then…the growls and snarls that he has given them when they tried was enough to have them back off. Jean had come to him on the second day of his vigil and pleaded with him, “Logan, you have to eat and freshen up a bit. I’m glad you’re sleeping, but you look like Grizzly Adams now.”



She had meant it as a joke, but at those words he went into the bathroom and saw himself…his hair was wild as usual, but his facial hair had grown considerably…he didn’t look like Logan anymore…



…he looked like Victor.



Releasing an anguished roar, he ran out the bathroom, past Jean, and up to his room. For the next few hours, he made damn sure that nothing made him look like that vile-ass bastard. When Logan came back down, he was clean-shaven to the point that he had even trimmed the sideburns back …only leaving a small tuft of hair on his chin, revealing more of his face. He had also cut his hair down…almost to a military cut. He had on a change of clothes, sweats…and looked more refreshed. He headed right back into Ororo’s room, sitting beside her, holding her hand and staring lovingly into her face.



Jean had given up trying to get him to go eat, so she started to bring a tray down to him…sometimes he ate, most times he didn’t. This was to be his daily routine…Rogue and the other kids constantly asked Scott and Hank about what had happened to him, with them getting that he’s okay as an answer. Even Xavier has been impressed with the dedication Logan has showed to her. This is his therapy…his way to help get him past his feelings of letting her down.



On this particular day, Jean is checking the monitors to make sure that everything is running well. She looks at Ororo’s face, then the EKG keeping track of her brain functions and can see there is still no movement…no activity whatsoever. Sighing, she turns back to some other things she wanted to check into. As her attention is pulled elsewhere, the monitor registers a blip…then another one. Soon, small bits of activity are appearing regularly on the tape…







'There is silence…then crying, a lot of crying…who’s crying?'



'An awful roar…oh Goddess, am I still here? A weight lifts off of me…oh please, is he going to come back?'



'No…no….no fear, Ororo…show him no fear.'



'I hear someone, someone whispering to me…lovingly, gently. He calls me a name…that voice…that voice…Logan?'



Silence…



'A voice commands…You must come back now, child…they need you, HE needs you…'



'No, he’ll be there…can’t do it, mustn’t let him win. Can’t I stay here? It’s peaceful here…'



'They need you, child…HE needs you…you must go back.'



'I CAN’T!!!!'



'There is so much more to be done, you have to be there to help…only you can tame the Wolverine…'



'Wolverine? Tame him? No…he won’t want me…not now…'



'He prowls for you, child…he’s in pain'



'Why? Why is he in pain? Goddess, what did he do to him?'



'He hurt you…'



'No…how could that monster know? Dammit…this was Logan’s fault?! He just had to love me…just had to claim me!

Dammit, dammit, dammit…I should’ve stayed away, should’ve denied myself…!'



'No, child…you cannot blame him. You knew about the Wolverine…you knew his past and the dangers…you took that

risk…you cannot blame him…'



'I know…but I don’t know how I should feel…the things that beast did to me, that I have to face…was to get back

at him…HOW SHOULD I FEEL??!!'



'Feel what he feels for you…the Wolverine cries out for you…take comfort from that…'



'Yes, comfort…he is my comfort…my comfort…'



'Come back now, child…'



With a great deal of effort, Ororo opens her eyes. At first, everything seems blurry and out of focus. She tries to turn her head, but it’s like trying to move a boulder…her neck is so sore. The bright fluorescent lights are blinding to her…having been in the dark for so long making it hard for her to adjust. As she tries to focus more, she sees a person enter the room…dressed in a white labcoat and red, they have long red hair…



“J...ean?” a hoarse whisper says.



Jean turns quickly to the bed to see dull blue eyes looking at her. “Ororo…oh, my friend!” she squeals as she comes over and gently kisses her on the forehead. “Dear God, I have been praying so hard that you would come back to us soon!” Tears flow freely as her jubilation threatens to over whelm her. The telepath sends a mental cry to the others…



'Ororo is awake! She’s awake!'



Jean wipes some stray hairs away from her face as she beams down on her…Ororo still trying to gain her focus. “Where am I?” she whispers again huskily, her throat scratchy.



“You’re in Medlab. You have been here for a week.” Jean is afraid to say more, not knowing if Ororo remembers what happened to her or is figuring it out…better to wait for her.



It seems as if she remembers… “How is Scott?” she asks.



“Fine, he wasn’t hurt bad at all…but we couldn’t save the mutant that was hurt.” Jean replies, hesitant to go any further. She is saved from anymore questions when Scott, Hank, and the Professor come into the room, almost tripping over each other. Scott comes to the other side of the bed and takes ‘Ro’s hand. “You don’t know how great it is to see you back, ‘Ro!”



Hank comes over as well, “We have all missed you…after this we need to check you again, to make sure that everything is okay.”



“Always the doctor, huh Hank?” jokes Scott, and he receives a rueful smile from the big guy. Xavier comes over to the bed…Jean moving out of the way. His smile is tremulous as he takes her other hand and gazes at her, “Ororo, my dear…I am so glad you are okay.”



“Professor…I will be fine.” She whispers back and tries to give him a small smile. A tear falls down his cheek as he looks her over…she’s still pale and her eyes lack that glow that she always has…but it’s Ororo and that’s good enough for him.



She is able to make everyone out now and notices something, “Where is Logan?”



Jean and Hank stare at each other while Scott looks down. A small streak of fear lights through her as she finally looks at Charles, “Where is he?” she asks again, straining her voice to do so.



Xavier’s face falls a bit, “He…he hasn’t been the same since he brought you back.”



“He…Logan came for me?” The name “koibito” comes to her…being softly whispered in her ear before that loud roar…



“Yes…and he has been nearly killing himself since then. He’s in the Danger Room now.” Hank adds.



That scared woman that argued that what happened to her was all Logan’s fault…that woman buried deep within her wants to say “leave him in there”, but her heart calls out, “I need to see him.”

Jean nods as she hurries out the room and down the hall.







As she approaches the Danger Room, she can no longer hear any more frantic yells and torrent explosions. She types in a code to unlock the door and steps in when it slides open. As expected, the room is once again in a shambles…and Logan is crouched low in the middle of it. Sweating and panting, he’s staring into nothingness…a dangerous expression on his face. She slowly approaches…he’s in pounce mode.



“Logan, Logan…’Ro is awake,” she says softly.



No answer.



“Did you hear me? She’s awake and she wants to see you!” she says louder. His head perks up and he turns to

look at her. “Whaddya say?”



“Ororo…she’s awake and she wants you.”



For a brief moment, his eyes flash, but then the dullness returns, “No, she doesn’t. She can’t want me…I’m too much like him!”



Jean’s heart goes out to him, but this is about her as much as him, “Logan, she specifically asked where you were. She said she needed you…if she didn’t, would she say that? You are nothing like him, Logan…please believe that.” She moves in closer to him, “She doesn’t believe you are…if you can’t believe anyone else, believe in her.”



Stricken eyes look at her before he slowly rises and heads towards Medlab. Sighing, she follows him out…staying behind him just in case. The telepath watches as he stops at the doorway, pausing as if to bolt…then he enters.



She moves a little quicker to get back in there as well.



He walks to the alcove; completely scared shitless of what might happen. 'Is she gonna scream when she sees me? Is she gonna tell me ta’ fuck off? God, will she even be able to look at me at all?' his mind frantically asks over and over.



He takes a deep breath and walks in. Scott, Hank, and Chuck are surrounding the bed, but they all move away when he enters. His eyes are drawn to the figure sitting in the middle…staring at him blankly.



Nothing is said in those meaningful moments as they stare at each other. Scott now understands what Jean had been trying to tell him…the naked expression of emotion on Logan’s face says it all…he truly loves her and is now afraid that it’s all gone, snatched away by a beast named Sabretooth.



“Logan…” Ororo whispers and Logan’s heart jumps.



“I’m here, darlin’” he whispers back. “How are ya’ feelin’?”



“A little lost…but you found me, didn’t you?”



His eyes feel moist as he moves in closer to her, “I…I…” he stammers, not able to finish his thought. Xavier motions to everyone to leave…to give them the time they need. As they are leaving, Xavier pats Logan on the arm and smiles…wheeling out after Scott.



The couple left in the room still stare at each other…Logan fighting desperately not to run out and howl to the skies. She’s gotta be afraid of me!!



“Logan, come here…” she says softly and it moves him involuntarily to her side. “You can sit down…” she adds, her voice still a little rough. Mechanically, he sits…staring at her. How many hours did I sit here wishing that I could look into those baby blues again? How many hours did I wish that she would awaken and say something, anything?



It had never really occurred to him that she may not want him here…until now.



Ororo looks into his face, seeing the mixture of relief and fear in his eyes…those beautiful hazel eyes that had looked at her with such love and desire not that long ago…Why is he afraid?



“Logan…thank you.”



He smiles, “Ain’t nothin’ fer ya’ ta’ thank me fer…ya’ knew I’d come fer ya’.”



Ororo smiles back, reaching out for him with one small hand. Logan looks down at it, suddenly terrified. He had held it for hours on end while she was unconscious, but now…



He gently takes her hand in his, gripping it tightly, as he had done so many other times before. This time, her hand is much warmer and she gently squeezes back. For now, that is enough for the both of them…the first step to getting completely back from that dark place. The weather goddess smiles at him one last time before she settles in, closing her eyes for a nap. He continues to stare at her as she drifts off; content that she hasn’t pushed him away.



“I love ya’, koibito…” he whispers as he places a kiss to the back of her hand. Ororo sighs, snuggling further under the covers. For the first time in over a week, Logan is able to smile in relief as he settles in a nearby chair to rest with her…still holding her hand, always the protector.







It’s early afternoon before Ororo awakens again and she looks over to see Logan in the chair, slumped against the wall, her hand firmly in his. She looks down at the joined hands and smiles, maybe all is not lost…maybe he can still love me…



But that scared woman inside her screams that this was entirely his fault in the first place…that he should suffer like she did…



'No…he has suffered with me. He’s here, isn’t he? He has stayed with me…'



'Only because he feels guilty!'



'No, that is not the only reason. I remember the word, the word that was whispered so gently in my ear before I was saved…koibito…his special name for me. Koibito, he said to me…he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it.'



'…'



'Nothing to say now, huh?'







Ororo continues to look at him as he shifts in his seat. Logan’s eyes open briefly to check on her…widening when he sees her looking back. He smiles, “Hey there, beautiful.”



“Hi, yourself,” she whispers. The intense urge to kiss her floods his senses, but right now it doesn’t seem like a good idea, so he brings her hand to his lips gently. “Are ya’ feelin’ better?” he asks in a low voice.



“A little…I’m still sore in places, but better,” she says huskily. Logan looks down, wanting to tell her again

what he has been repeating over and over for the past week…unable to form the words now.



She senses this, “What do you want to tell me, Logan?”



He looks back at her and her breath catches. The look of longing and despair covers his face as he takes her hand in both of his. Gripping tightly, he forces himself to speak, “’Ro, I…I’m so damn sorry…fer everythin’. If it wasn’t fer me, he would’ve never come after ya’…did…this ta’ ya’. Oh, God…I should’ve been the one to take it…I should be the one lying there…” he lowers his head to the bed, his shoulders shaking. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, ‘Ro…koibito,” he finally whispers.



There it is; that name… Ororo’s eyes tear up at the sheer pain he is exuding now. Her instincts had been right; even as the voice keeps telling her that she should hate him…her instincts were right. Logan is in as much pain as she is, more so because he blames himself. He doesn’t need her to blame him as well.



Reaching over, she caresses his face with her other hand…bringing his face back up to hers. “You saved me, Logan…you brought me home. You stopped him from…” she stops, not able to speak the words yet. “Do not blame yourself anymore…mpenzi.”



That final word, spoken so gently, gives Logan the hope that he has been wishing for. Now more than ever he wants to kiss her, but he continues to hold off…she has to initiate it for him to be comfortable with it.

And never mind the blazing passion that still burns in him for this woman…she is not in any condition to be able to handle that yet, if ever again.



Remembering that fateful morning, when he had come so close to tasting her the way he has always dreamed has his body responding eagerly. Logan redirects his thoughts, bringing him back to the present and the woman looking at him with glistening blue eyes. “So, do ya’ need anythin’?”



“I could use some water…my throat…”



He stands, “At yer service…be right back,” and he walks over to the small table on the other side of the room.



She watches him walk as gracefully as he has always done…still beautiful, still powerful, and still here.



Eventually, she is going to have to deal with those traumatic events…she’s going to have to get it out in the open so that she can truly heal and get past it. Ororo frowns; it’s funny how she hasn’t once thought of the commitment she and Logan had made to each other before this happened…that is until now.



It’s hard to even imagine where they can go from here…the road ahead will be long and hard, but as she accepts the cup of water from Logan, she can find comfort and gain strength from that… from him. The concerned feral makes sure that she finishes it off before he takes the cup away, taking his seat again next to her. She looks over at the folded cot in the corner of the room, “Did you stay in here every night?”



Logan glances at the cot, “Yeah, when I slept. I thought they were gonna drug me ta’ get me ta’ get some rest!” he says jokingly. She smiles, “I can imagine…didn’t anyone ask where you were?”



“No one really asked…they all knew I was down here, they jus’ didn’t know why. We felt it was better that way for the kids.” Logan answers…she nods as she understands why. “You haven’t really left here, have you?” she asks softly.



“I can’t…and I won’t let’em make me go.”



It’s killing her to ask…but right now she needs to hear the words, “Why?”



He gazes at her, a gentle smile on his lips, “’Cause…’cause I can’t live without’cha, ‘Ro. Watashi wa anata o aishite imasu…”



She smiles, “What does that mean?”



He doesn’t hesitate, “I love ya’…in Japanese, o’ course.”



She giggles, “Ninakupenda, mpenzi…I love you, my love…in Swahili.”



Taking a chance, he rises up a little to gently brush his lips across her forehead. He looks back down at her and a brief flicker of fear crosses her face. Not yet… he thinks as he takes her hand again. She smiles in relief…but she tries to sit up.



“Let me help you…” he starts, and he brings his hands closer to her…but she sees those hands and they change to dirt-encrusted hands with vicious claws. Uncontrollable fear grips her and she quickly shakes her head. “No, I can do it…” and she starts to struggle again.



“Come on, ‘Ro…let me…”



“NO!” she yells, instantly remorseful with the way she speaks. He draws back like she had slapped him…







'Told you…get rid of him, he’s like the other one!'



'No, he’s not! Stop it!'







Logan is no fool…he kinda knew that this was coming, but with the way things were going, it might have been possible that she wouldn’t act like this. He sits back down and stares at her, “Sorry, darlin’…I was just tryin’ ta’ help…”



Ororo starts to cry, “Logan…I’m sorry…I didn’t…”



“I know…I can wait. I’m here for you…always.” Logan tries to tell her but she shakes her head, “Logan, please be patient with me.”



“No question in that, darlin’…now, get some rest.” He stands to leave, but she grabs his hand. “Please, don’t go. Stay here with me…”



He looks at her and the fear shining in her eyes hurts him to the core, “Are you sure?”



“Yes, please…”



He goes over to the cot and rolls it over to the side of the bed, climbing in. He rests against the wall while she settles back in. She closes her eyes and whispers, “Goodnight, Logan.”



“Goodnight, darlin’.”



A tear slips down her cheek…she so wanted to hear his name for her again, but she may have begun to destroy that…







Morning…and Logan awakes to Ororo twisting and turning in her sleep. He sits up quickly, watching her thrash around in the bed. She starts to mumble…words that are not quite coherent yet. He tries to move in closer when she sits straight up...eyes closed and screaming, “No! I will not show fear! Oh Goddess! Get him off me…please, no more…no more…” Ororo seems to look directly at him and screams louder, “No…no, get away! Please…you bastard…don’t touch me!”



Logan can only stare as she goes through a myriad of emotions…emotions that she kept hidden while she was being submitted to that torture. She thinks I’m him…she doesn’t see me… he thinks sadly. He tries to talk to her, “’Ro, it’s Logan…”



She shrieks…almost scaring the hell out of him. “NO! It’s because of him I’m here….damn him! DAMN YOU!!!! You want your revenge, against HIM! Leave me alone…how did you know?! Oh, Goddess…he did this…HE DID THIS!!!! He shouldn’t have loved me! He shouldn’t have loved me!” His eyes water…his heart crumples as Jean and Hank come running into the room, rushing over to her to grab her arms. Jean tries to keep a hold, but Ororo’s eyes suddenly open and are white. Electricity flashes as a wind starts to blow in the room. Hank tries to hold her other arm while he calls to Logan over the noise of the building storm, “Logan…talk to her, try to get her to calm down.”



“She don’t want me near her…she looks at me and sees him!”



Hank blinks at what he says, but still says, “Talk to her, Logan! She’ll hear you! She will listen!”

Logan comes over to the bed, seeing the wildness that was bottled inside her bursting free…all her fears and anger coming out in a rush. “’Ro…it’s me, Logan. Ya’ gotta calm down…yer safe, darlin’…he’s not here. He won’t touch ya’ again…”



“No…NEVER AGAIN!!!!!” she screams and bolts of lightning fly out of her fingers, striking anything in its path.



Jean is flung back into Logan and she calls out to Xavier…



'Professor…we need you in Medlab…Ororo…'



Hank calls out to Logan once more, “Grab her hands…Jean, get a sedative ready. We’re going to have to sedate her!”



“Hasn’t she had enough?!” Logan asks, holding her thrashing arms with ease as she still rages on the bed. Jean runs out into the other room to prepare the hypodermic…and as she’s doing this, Xavier comes in, heading straight to Ororo. As he enters the room, he enters her mind…







'Ororo…it’s the Professor…please, I need you to calm down…'



'No, he’s here…he’s going to touch me again…I can’t show fear…I can’t let him win!'



'He’s not here…you got away…Logan saved you…'



'No, that’s him! He’s the one who hurt me! He couldn’t have saved me!'



'Logan is the one that saved you…Sabretooth was the one that hurt you…he’s not here…'



'You lie…I saw him…'



'No, you saw Logan…'



'I saw him!'



'You saw the man you love…'



'Love? No one can love me now…I had someone love me, but he won’t now…I need to fight, hurt him back!'



'Ororo…'



'NO!!!!'







Charles blinks as he comes back to reality. He sees that they are still fighting a very powerful and unstable weather goddess. He turns to the open door calling for Jean, “Hurry…I can’t calm her!” Jean rushes back in and heads over to Logan, who has her arm braced under his as he tries to smooth her hair. “You got her?” she asks over the blowing winds. He nods as she jabs the needle into her arm. Ororo jerks at the sharp pain, but soon her eyes return to normal and close as she slumps back on the bed, sound asleep. Everyone is panting, wondering what the hell just happened.



Logan stares at her…his heart breaking.



“What happened?” Xavier asks him…seeing the despair in his eyes. Logan continues to stare, “She was havin’ a bad dream…she was relivin’ everythin’. She…she thinks I’m him…she thinks I’m the one who hurt her, that it’s my fault that she was taken in the first place…that I had no business lovin’ her and puttin’ her inta’ this position.”



Jean gasps, “Surely she didn’t say this?”



“She did…and then she started ta’ cry. It’s my fault…everythin’ good in my life either gets taken away or destroyed…” He looks away from her and closes his eyes. “He took her away from me completely when he touched her…he made her his, even if no one wants ta’ admit it. She’ll never want me…she’ll never love me again.”



Another wave of frustration and an agonizing emptiness fills him as he roars, racing out the room and into the Danger Room, locking the door.



The three people in the room look at the sedated Ororo, then the doorway. “Professor…we’re going to lose them both. I just knew they could come together on this.” whispers Jean.



Xavier shakes his head, “What Logan told us is what she thinks…she can’t differentiate between them. It is as if she is split into two people…the rational Ororo knows that Logan is not to blame and loves him deeply, but the scared Ororo that had to be suppressed to defy Sabretooth is angry and upset. She is lashing out and until we can get that part of her under control…I’m afraid we will lose them both. Logan can’t live here without her…he has instituted his animal instinct…she is his mate now, and he mates for life. He won’t choose again…and the loss of her will not bode well for his humanity. Slowly, he will become more a beast…more unpredictable…”



Xavier stops, “…he’ll leave.”



“You can’t say that, Charles…Logan is too loyal to her to just let her go,” argues Jean, but Hank answers this one, “That is true, but the beast in him can only take but so much. Unless we can get through to her…we will lose them both.”



Jean turns away from the two men in the room, steadily growing angrier over the turn of events. “In one fell sweep, that bastard has done what he set out to do…destroy Logan. After all the “everything will be better” speeches we have been feeding him, this happens! Even I played on his emotions…the love he had for me to save the day!” She spins around on them, “How can we ever tell him that everything will be okay? How in the hell can we give him hope?! I don’t even believe it now…”



Xavier’s face hardens, “We will fix this…we can’t let this destroy them. They are each other’s lifeline…even before they admitted their feelings for each other. They are both of nature…maybe that’s where we should begin…set them free.”



“What do you mean? Set them free?” asks Hank and Xavier smiles. “Let me worry about that…I’ll go to Logan, you keep an eye on Ororo. We will start immediately…”



“Start what?” Hank inquires.



“Repairing the damage…I failed them once, I won’t fail them again.” Xavier answers as he turns to wheel out the door and to the Danger Room. Hank and Jean look at the fitfully sleeping Ororo. “We have a lot of work to do…” Jean murmurs as she strokes back a bit of silvery-white hair from her friend’s face. Hank nods…