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October 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
awesome, but work on your grammar a bit, lol
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September 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
ya need to update
schedule
January 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Except for Rogue sounding like she was saying lines from a porno-flick starring a character who was PRETENDING to be under aged and un-experienced, this was pretty good. I think it works better if she is portrayed as innocent and a bit scared but willing to learn.
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June 14, 2004 at 12:00 AM
i loved it ya must update
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January 17, 2004 at 12:00 AM
O.o....woah...that was interesting...*sweatdrop* kinda freaky....lol
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November 7, 2003 at 12:00 AM
wow. thats all i can say wow *appause*
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October 12, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Uh.
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October 7, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Laughably bad. Are you a man? Men never know how to write smut at all. And this line has a grammatical error (only one of many but I hate this one especially): "I might of lost my ride. " It's might HAVE -- might've. It's a contraction. Might+have = might've not might "of". It just sounds like that. Looks like you don't like to read or you'd know the difference. We learn contractions in 3rd grade, where were YOU? Excessive punctuation, bad dialogue, very out of character for both of them, Marie's mutant powers are missing, you can't tell who's talking because you don't create a new paragraph for a new speaker like you're supposed to...the list goes on. Get a book on wri bef before you hurt yourself.
schedule
August 30, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Come on. . .you can't leve me hanging like that. . .to cut the stroy so short? More please
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August 2, 2003 at 12:00 AM
If it was titled "Naughty schoolgirl's adventure with the sex maniac" I'd say, nicely written PWP if not terribly original. But using X-men characters - or better: their names - and then writing something so wildly out of character... o.k., the movie said nothing about Logan's sexual preferances, but I think it was pretty clear that he was _only_ protective about Mary, and he did not strike me as the kind of character who shags a teenage girl five minutes after meeting her. As for Mary/Rogue: no chance that the girl pictured in the movie would enact any of this.
Juicy little fantasy - fine, but it should be at least sporadically compatible with the characters.
In this case: change the names, change the title, chuck it into the "Original" category.
Juicy little fantasy - fine, but it should be at least sporadically compatible with the characters.
In this case: change the names, change the title, chuck it into the "Original" category.