rate_review Reviews

I never review AFF fics, but this was very well done. It felt right, and I think you did justice to each character. Considering I read the first Ultimate Spider-Man comics very recently, this really resonated with me. This may be a one-shot, but it seemed like something that could almost happen, just over the edge of happening in an actual comic. I wasn't happy with the last issue of Ultimate Spider-Man or the following funeral scenes, and this almost gives me a feeling of resolution.

I cut off the last of my review by mistake: I know I'm biased, but I couldn't really see this fic going to encompass other girls. I think you've established a very good "this is for one night"/"we'll never see each other again" kind of vibe. The only way I can see this continuing personally would be him going back to 616 and talking/hooking up with that MJ. You've established that she's the one for him, and I'm not sure I like the idea of a fic where he just screws other grieving girls and disappears into the sunset. Again, biased. I think character-wise, this is already pushing it, others (especially in the Ultimate reality) don't really make much sense to me.

This story is sweet and loving, lusty and powerful and quite fulfilling to any Spidey fan. I have to say that I enjoyed it very much.

But... There were quite a few of what I call "technical" errors. Words were missing that would have made the flow much better. Other words were misused, not quite appropriate. A common mistake is using the word "conscious" for the word "conscience." Quote, "His conscious was pulling him in a million different directions." Conscience is the correct word. There were quite a few missing words whose presence would have made the sentence clear without the reader having to supply the word themselves.

And yet, the story was powerful, anyway. I really enjoyed this one.

Good shit, son. Real good.

Great story, would love to see it continued, maybe have pete get with Ultimate Gwen as well maybe both MJ and Gwen after that.

Well, there were some errors through the work as well as continuity. In the Ultimate Spider-Man. I think near the mid-way of the Peter Parker as Spider series. MJ and Peter did consummate. It wasn't outright shown, but it did allude to it so you could draw your own conclusions. I think writers or an editor went on record to say that it did happen. If you did not know or remember that's fine. I may have also just missed the point that you changed the canon a bit.

Though, a sequel would be nice. Maybe Black Cat as well? Make it up to Spider for puking on the younger one?

I liked this story a lot, but have to agree, I'm not really sure where it goes beyond 616 Peter hitting the barely legal ladies of the Ultimate universe: Which could TOTALLY WORK and I'd continue to read, but what makes this story work so well is that emotional resonance between Peter and MJ... across two different worlds and the way you make that work. If he starts banging away at Ultimate Gwen, Kitty Pryde and, I don't know, Ultimate Carol Danvers just to make it a series?

Actually, I take it all back. I really want to see that now.

No matter what you decided, I'd love to see more from you, because you got all of the basics right.

Please correct your disclaimer.

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That was a pretty good story there, although I'm not sure how you could continue it as it's not like she could leave her mother and world behind to join him and that would get super awkward for the other MJ. He couldn't stay for similar reasons as well. The only way I could see another chapter is if you had Gwen showing up in MJ's room looking for her and find them together and she's pissed that she didn't get her own chance as she had been with Peter as well. But still you had a solid lead up into this and it was really well done.

Ultimate encounter indeed. Very nicely plotted and written fic. A sequel would be very interesting.