rate_review Reviews

Something's wrong with the formatting of this chapter all the words just go right off the screen. Might want to get that looked at you might have to change the type of file format if that's how you updated it.

Honestly, while the first few chapters were a fuckfest but more literate than most, this reads like you had a stroke. Your grammar and sentence structure devolve dramatically, you have homophone and spelling issues, the name of a major Marvel character is misspelled... I used to respect you, man. What the hell happened?

Amazing. Probably one of the hottest X-stories I've seen on this site in a while.

Well it's good to see you back with a new chapter although I felt a little disappointed with the chapter. Mainly that you did and yet did not add in new characters, I know they showed up like Psylock and Rachel but only as illusions so I don't count that. I felt a little cheated out that you didn't actually have them physically there and that Logan and Scott have spent nearly two whole chapters just in these illusions. Since you added in the runaways for...well no real reason I guess, I felt you could have added actual other X-Men into this story. Hell there are a lot of younger mutants that don't get used all that much that you could have used than the runaways.

Characters like X23, Hellion, Mercury (who never seems to get used), Surge, Dust and the rest for instance would have fit in a lot easier than the runaways so it's just a bit weird that they were in this story given they weren't in the Astonishing run that I could remember. Also some of the sex scenes seemed a little too clinical and detached at times I felt.

Oh and I think you used the exact same lines between Rachel and Jean twice in two different scenes or at least they were extremely close to the same thing. Might want to watch out so you don't repeat yourself. Also you might want to fix a few of the lines near the end, for some reason they just keep going farther out than the rest of the story and it made this weird formatting issue with the page.

Man this chapter was pretty much filled with sex, well I didn't know in the last chapter you had Kitty totally under control of whatever it is that is going on here. I hope you leave a little time bringing in a little back story to what's going on. I also liked all the different things you tried out in this including the dreams and the use of mental powers. Although how exactly is this spread from non-telepaths? Emma I can see as she can mentally infect others but how exactly say Wing infected Norico? I hope you explain that in the next chapter a little.

Some things I hope you do is bring in the other mutants like Ororo, Rogue, Psylock, etc, (for real this time) along with others like Rachel, and the New Mutants (old and new) Characters like Dust, Surge, Prodigy, Hellion, Elixir and Mercury we don't see anymore and hell Mercury never got a decent love interest in the books only a one way crush. I also wonder when Scott and Logan wake up what will happen to them. Will Logan wake up to find a naked student in his room and realize what he did? Will Scott get lucky with some of the other characters. You know he's had nearly every single telepath except for Psylock for real (she tried but he refused) and his own daughter Rachel. Although given what you did with the Cockooes I guess even that isn't out of the picture.

I've always had a soft spot for the conquering harem stories.I am unfamiliar with the bulkof your characters due to a preference for cartoons over comics, however I found your introductions and development quite clear to dive in blind. You craft a story wel and I look forward to future chapters.

A small syntactical note: in the first chapter you repeatedly wrote "Miss. Pryde" youdonot need to punctuate titles unless they are abbreviated.

Cheers and good luck with the rest of your story.

I think I caught this on the TSSA site well I'm glad you posted it here and I really hope you got the second chapter soon to be posted as well because I really wanted to know what happens next in this story and what exactly is Lockheed in your story as he's not the alien that he turned out to be and what those others he talked about will do and how Kitty fits into everything.

Although I will wonder how you will handle Kitty freaking out when she wakes up, she'll be able to tell someone had sex with her with how her pussy feels and the cum left in there. I'm also wondering if we'll see more romances show up and different sex scenes you don't normally see. Plus more sex scenes with old familiars like the Emma/Scott one was really good and I liked how it switched between that and Kitty's there.

This was a really enjoyable one-shot story. It was nice and long, fairly detailed, and kinky in all the right ways. lol It could have used a few more details at times and it was a little choppy in some areas. But it was definitely enjoyable. Really enjoyed the Scott/Emma scenes. They had a pretty heated love-life throughout Whedon's run. Really liked what you did with Kitty as well. Very kinky in all the right ways. lol There are so many awesome themes to explore from Whedon's run in Astonishing X-men. I hope you do more like this. Keep up the great work!