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June 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Well I just finished chapter 8 and I was pretty confused timeline wise given how you wrote certain parts like Peter said this was the first time when he had anal sex when we saw it in the previous chapter. So most of the way through I thought that you messed up in the order of posting this story until I saw at the very end about Jessica mentioned. I think if you're going to skip around like this you have to say you are somehow as it's poorly done in this. You have to make it clear when a scene takes place before another, so either remember that for the future or just from now on keep your story more linear.
Most of the chapter was well done with showing him slowly breaking them down with the use of venom and pleasure to make him come to his way of thinking. The only major problem other than the timeline mess up is that the ending is really rushed through. I would have liked to have seen that actual scene as Peter somehow convinced them not to steal anymore although what will they do for cash now is the question. Since he now has to take responsibility for that as well.
So I do wonder how that issue will get resolved with them and also I bet pretty soon we're going to have to see Peter together with them all as he explains a few things to everyone which I can't see everyone going to be happy about.
Most of the chapter was well done with showing him slowly breaking them down with the use of venom and pleasure to make him come to his way of thinking. The only major problem other than the timeline mess up is that the ending is really rushed through. I would have liked to have seen that actual scene as Peter somehow convinced them not to steal anymore although what will they do for cash now is the question. Since he now has to take responsibility for that as well.
So I do wonder how that issue will get resolved with them and also I bet pretty soon we're going to have to see Peter together with them all as he explains a few things to everyone which I can't see everyone going to be happy about.
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June 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Very cool chapter. Again, its your story, your timeline, you guide what happens not Marvel or any other writer. I am very curious how Jessica Drew's story will play out as we know how 1610 Jessica Drew came about. On to the next chapter!!!
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June 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
A sexually charged (sorry, couldn't help myself) update. Keep up the great work and can't wait to see what happens next.
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June 11, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I love it all I just can't look away I can't wait to see what happens next and what happens between them next please when update send me a massage my email is kingofmonsters1@gmail.com send it right away please and it would be awesome if Liz are one of the other's turn into a wolf please that would be awesome beyond awesome
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May 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Nice two updates so I'll give a review for each chapter this one is for chapter 5 part 1. I liked the start of this with Black Widow as she's looking into Peter, I had completely forgotten that he had already bitten her (I went back to quickly look over the scene again to refresh my memory) so it stands to reason she would be effected somehow and I like how you are dealing with her slowly being obsessed with him and her pleasuring herself and fantasizing too.
I remember the impact webbing from Ben Reily used when he was Scarlet Spider I/Spider-Man in 616 but the tazer webbing I have no idea where you got that from. The impact webbing I think would be the most doable.
I liked Gwen's little scene in this chapter and how the girls got jealous of him looking at another woman and their way of reminding him not to stray too far although I get the feeling those too might have to start laying some ground rules for him and other women soon. I liked the sex scene at the end of this as it was a very unique three way, from experience I know how hard it can get to write with more than just two people involved sometimes. Although that Liz saw his fangs will she bring that up later maybe while girl talking with MJ about their sex life together?
I remember the impact webbing from Ben Reily used when he was Scarlet Spider I/Spider-Man in 616 but the tazer webbing I have no idea where you got that from. The impact webbing I think would be the most doable.
I liked Gwen's little scene in this chapter and how the girls got jealous of him looking at another woman and their way of reminding him not to stray too far although I get the feeling those too might have to start laying some ground rules for him and other women soon. I liked the sex scene at the end of this as it was a very unique three way, from experience I know how hard it can get to write with more than just two people involved sometimes. Although that Liz saw his fangs will she bring that up later maybe while girl talking with MJ about their sex life together?
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May 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Well I just finished chapter 6, I liked the thing with the Bombshells I never got any issues with them before so this I think is the first time I've seen anyone actually use those two characters. Plus with Peter experimenting on how to use his venom was a good idea and I can see this being used on others like Black Cat later on. I can only wonder how weird things will be between that mother and daughter later, in fact I'd like to see a scene when they wake up and deal with the after match of it all before meeting with Peter.
The part at the end with MJ turning into Tigra I was waiting for and it certainly was well worth the wait as I can't wait to see how she deals with things especially freaking out if she's stuck looking like that and how she'll explain things if she's stuck. The only thing I think you should add in how in the world would Peter know all about how the bombshells got their powers from a laptop? That didn't make any sense unless you go back and add in that he found the girl's diary that she wrote in it or something as that would make more sense in how he figured it all out.
The part at the end with MJ turning into Tigra I was waiting for and it certainly was well worth the wait as I can't wait to see how she deals with things especially freaking out if she's stuck looking like that and how she'll explain things if she's stuck. The only thing I think you should add in how in the world would Peter know all about how the bombshells got their powers from a laptop? That didn't make any sense unless you go back and add in that he found the girl's diary that she wrote in it or something as that would make more sense in how he figured it all out.
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May 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I liked the start of the chapter, with Natasha obsessing over Spider-Man due to being bitten and the conversation between her and Fury, thought it was pretty well thought out. Can't wait for Black Widow to join in on the action.
Was kinda weird for me seeing Gwen and Kong here, as I'm not very familiar with their Ultimate versions.
Good work so far, on to part 2.
Was kinda weird for me seeing Gwen and Kong here, as I'm not very familiar with their Ultimate versions.
Good work so far, on to part 2.
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May 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
So the thing with the Bombshells was awesome, from the fight to the chase to the way Peter deals with them. All of it very entertaining.
So~, MJ turned into Tigra? Can't say I saw that coming. Still, it's a very interesting idea, and I'm very much looking forward to what might happen with the other ladies.
Wonder who the new character will be?
Excellent work! I look forward to more!
So~, MJ turned into Tigra? Can't say I saw that coming. Still, it's a very interesting idea, and I'm very much looking forward to what might happen with the other ladies.
Wonder who the new character will be?
Excellent work! I look forward to more!
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April 7, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Yay! New Chapter. Very well done, and I like Liz and Mary Jane with Peter. Can't wait for Gwen Stacey, Black Cat, Black Widow, and Silver Sable to show up. Those four I really want to see. Keep up the good work and please post the new chapter sooner.
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April 6, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Sorry I realized I skipped over a part of the story I reviewed so I deleted my older review as I can't edit it. well I'm glad you updated the story and that you got back to writing this is one of the few stories I look forward to on this site. Nice how it opened off right where you left off and I like how Liz was debating if what she had was real or not. Actually I'm surprised she didn't bring up why he was in her room that night while they were talking maybe later she can address that since her mind was most likely on other things. You know if you keep having them rip their clothing off they won't have anything left to wear.
I like how it wasn't just jump in the bed together but you actually worked up to it as both girls got their feelings across. Plus how Peter was scientifically trying to think what was happening although if the mating instincts of an animal were given to him that can't help with teenage hormones as well. I can't wait for the next chapter plus I wonder if biting women in different areas will have a different effect as well given that you could say that biting her pussy easlier caused Liz to have a large orgasm.
Anyways keep up the good work.
I like how it wasn't just jump in the bed together but you actually worked up to it as both girls got their feelings across. Plus how Peter was scientifically trying to think what was happening although if the mating instincts of an animal were given to him that can't help with teenage hormones as well. I can't wait for the next chapter plus I wonder if biting women in different areas will have a different effect as well given that you could say that biting her pussy easlier caused Liz to have a large orgasm.
Anyways keep up the good work.