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August 17, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I like the list, but I really think you need to include Natasha and maybe Silver Sable in the list as well.
Anyways good chapter.
Anyways good chapter.
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August 11, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Another awesome chapter. I can say the opnly other women would be silver sable and or black widow
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August 11, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Well I liked this chapter although the title is a bit misleading but besides that I felt that the chapter was well done. At first I was wondering how Black Widow got that line on Peter at first but it turning out to be all a dream helped explain a few things and it was a nice fake out as well as we see how she's dealing with the venom in her system as it's slowly causing her to get more and more wound up. I can't wait to see the moment she can't take it anymore.
The MJ part was also fun (although some of it was just exposition like her conversation with her mother about ripped clothing and that whole scene) but that wasn't as bad as a previous chapter that you fixed up but just be careful of that kind of stuff. Overall I liked how she looked up if she was a mutant or not as that would be the most logical thought at the moment although I wonder if she'll continue to think she is until she gets tested either at Xavier's or maybe even the Fantastic Four to get some testing out. It would be interesting if your FF story was in the same world as this as you have a bit of a crossover using their help to try and figure out what's going on. Or maybe Doc Connor's lab might be used to see if MJ has an x-gene or not.
Although maybe MJ is a closet exhibitionist given that thing at the game she pulled, for some reason I can see her in her Tigra form having sex in public.
The MJ part was also fun (although some of it was just exposition like her conversation with her mother about ripped clothing and that whole scene) but that wasn't as bad as a previous chapter that you fixed up but just be careful of that kind of stuff. Overall I liked how she looked up if she was a mutant or not as that would be the most logical thought at the moment although I wonder if she'll continue to think she is until she gets tested either at Xavier's or maybe even the Fantastic Four to get some testing out. It would be interesting if your FF story was in the same world as this as you have a bit of a crossover using their help to try and figure out what's going on. Or maybe Doc Connor's lab might be used to see if MJ has an x-gene or not.
Although maybe MJ is a closet exhibitionist given that thing at the game she pulled, for some reason I can see her in her Tigra form having sex in public.
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August 11, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I'd like to see Ms. Marvel and She-Hulk added. Spider-man's interactions/date with those 2 are amusing just because they are more powerful than him and love pointing that out.
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July 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Still hitting it strong there. I really like your Peter, he may seem a bit predatory but you keep the self doubt and tunnel vision quite well. Now that he knows about Osborn, Jessica and Octopus I am excited to see our Spider-man in action.
As a bit of constructive criticism: You write quite well, tend towards redundancy. To paraphrase an example: "Peter thought the breast milk tasted good in his opinion." Trimming those sentences could help.
As a bit of constructive criticism: You write quite well, tend towards redundancy. To paraphrase an example: "Peter thought the breast milk tasted good in his opinion." Trimming those sentences could help.
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June 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Never thought MJ as tigra before but I got to say that it works and I like it. Keep up thr awesome job.
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June 26, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Another great couple of chapters. Keep up the great work/
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June 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
great fic. I love it :)
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June 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Didn't expect to see Jessica Drew in this fic, but she's an awesome addition. Like all the details about what was done to her and how she escaped while figuring out her powers and such. Not really a fan of the her intentionally killing part, but it's certainly understandable given what the bastard attempted to do to her along with her dealing with her new instincts and all.
I don't normally mention these things, but I noticed a lot of spelling errors or sentence's missing words this chapter. Might want to go and fix those when you have the time.
Great update, on to the next chapter!
I don't normally mention these things, but I noticed a lot of spelling errors or sentence's missing words this chapter. Might want to go and fix those when you have the time.
Great update, on to the next chapter!
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June 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Well I just finished chapter 7 and it was a nice intro to Jessica although I would have liked a bit more build up to her like actually see the interview when they drugged her and events around that as I bet a girl that goes missing would get around Peter's school and such. Plus if Jessica thinks that they will look for her then what about her parents after all they had to have put out a missing person's and they got to be worried sick. Where will Jessica stay hidden all this time until she can actually go home and when she can what kind of story can they tell her parents as I doubt they could just tell the truth.
It was a little odd how Peter was so suspicious about her if he was still reeling from what happened last chapter I think that should have been brought up a little just to ensure that point got across. Plus did he know about the fire and why did he assume that she spread the fire on purpose? I'm also unsure about the whole her drinking blood thing as that's kind of more like Morbius.
I'm also surprised she didn't freak out as much when she just killed a guy and drank his blood I think she should have thrown up and freaked out a lot more even if he was a piece of scum that had it coming as something like that wouldn't be easy to just do normally. Anyways the sex scene was a bit different and unique for the pair which is always good and I liked how it was a bit realistic how her first times hurt instead of instantly great. Although given that he came inside of her in a dangerous day that she even warned him about will that mean she just got knocked up? I'm also wondering how she'll deal when she wakes up to realize not only what happened but that she might have just gotten herself pregnant.
It was a little odd how Peter was so suspicious about her if he was still reeling from what happened last chapter I think that should have been brought up a little just to ensure that point got across. Plus did he know about the fire and why did he assume that she spread the fire on purpose? I'm also unsure about the whole her drinking blood thing as that's kind of more like Morbius.
I'm also surprised she didn't freak out as much when she just killed a guy and drank his blood I think she should have thrown up and freaked out a lot more even if he was a piece of scum that had it coming as something like that wouldn't be easy to just do normally. Anyways the sex scene was a bit different and unique for the pair which is always good and I liked how it was a bit realistic how her first times hurt instead of instantly great. Although given that he came inside of her in a dangerous day that she even warned him about will that mean she just got knocked up? I'm also wondering how she'll deal when she wakes up to realize not only what happened but that she might have just gotten herself pregnant.