rate_review Reviews

Ha, ha well Rogue would be jealous. And did you just reference the order of the stick intentionally?

Oh dear, poor Danielle her storys going to be sad isn't it?

I enjoy these aftermath chapters. I don't enjoy them as much as the chapters that actually have the action, but they're still a vital part to the story and for that they have their place. This was okay, but I thought it was one of the weaker chapters. While I thought Jean's portrayal in the last issue was acceptable, I didn't really agree with it here. She has sex with Scott after Duncan was a jerk and then she went onto have sex with him too? I really don't think that's believable, even accounting for the liberties all writers take with her Evolution version in these stories. I just couldn't buy it. And now that she's with Scott, she's not even sleeping with him until they get married? After Amara talked about how she had an active sex life with Sam? I don't buy that either. She's okay with giving her virginity to Scott and sleeping with Duncan, but she thinks holding off is punishing herself? That just doesn't make sense. I think that should be revisited or revised. It can be good for a story as my Festival of X story has shown. I can believe them waiting until after the events of Blind Alley to get comfortable with what happened. I just don't think it fits with the thong-loving persona you've given Jean.

That said, I'm still very intrigued by what happened with Danielle. So she might be pregnant? How did that happen? I'm definitely interested in hearing more about that. Even if it requires waiting until mid-August, I'm willing to hold out. This is a solid, well-written story and I encourage you to continue your efforts. Also, thanks for your support on Festival of X. Until next time, take care and best wishes.

MarvelMaster616

Decent Chapter, DS, nice that you managed to write it despite being so busy.

Finally got around to reading this. Took me a while to get into this chapter. I don't know what it is about your Jean voice buts its not as compelling as some of the other's especially considering the job you did with her in Down Under. She just sounds so... formal and uses long words and stuff in a way that just makes her sound so stilted.

That said once it got moving, she started sound better and more normal (maybe that was intentional?) and I think you did Scott really well, with him obviously thinking hard before and after the events even if hormones and emotions got the better of him in between that.

And yes I did love the little aside about the dildo.

I've been looking forward to this chapter. Not just because Jean Grey is among my favorite X-men characters, but because you've shown you can write her quite well. Sometimes you write her OOC, but you still write her well. This chapter and the premise set up in the last chapter was somewhat OOC, but not nearly to the extent of other characters in this story. Jean was never afraid to wear skin-tight outfits and model swimsuits in the comics. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to imagine that she would enjoy wearing thongs. lol I also don't think it's too much of a stretch to have her be more sexual than she lets on. Even in the comics, she's been shown to have a sweet, uptight side and a passionate side. The major theme here seemed to be Jean getting caught up in the moment with Scott. For the most part, I think you handled it pretty well. Definitely among the better scenes you've had in this story thus far. Some of the dialog still seemed a bit OOC, but overall I liked this chapter. As someone who has written Jean Grey with a naughty side as well, I really can't criticize too much so I applaud you for your efforts and I thank you for your support with my work as well both for X-men Supreme and Festival of X. Please keep up the good work. Until next time, take care and best wishes.

MarvelMaster616

Nice to see an update on this story. It's been a while. I actually thought you might have shelved this story. I'm glad that's not the case. This was an interesting chapter with a few unexpected twists. I appreciate you trying to address the whole Wanda having her memories altered plot, but it seemed to emerge a bit randomly. And it seemed to be tabled just as quickly. Given how the X-men took on Wanda in the first season of the show and how it was common knowledge that Xavier visited Wanda at the insane asylum, I'm a bit perplexed at how it's being handled here. I'm not saying it's flawed yet, but it seems a bit convoluted. I hope you clear it up with future chapters. But not before you tell the story of Jean Grey's first time, of course. lol

I've very curious as to how you would handle her from the beginning of this series. You didn't really touch on her and Scott's relationship in the intro, but now I can understand way. I'm not sure how I feel about Jean Grey cheating though. It seems a bit OOC, especially in the context of the show. It's not the comics where she did have a wandering eye at times. But it depends on how it's handled and I'm more than willing to give it a chance in the next chapter. You've done a pretty good job of writing Jean Grey in the past, Down Under not withstanding. I'm confident you'll do so again. Thanks for sticking with this story and I look forward to your next entry, whenever it may be.

MarvelMaster616

I think its blatantly obvious that you don't understand Jean at all, This is a travesty and a disgrace and you're darn lucky Agent G isn't still reading because then you'd be getting this in stereo. :-P

Nah, I'm joking. Though I am wondering how you can justify this. I could get her losing her virginity to Duncan before she got into the relationship with Scott. But afterwards is another matter. I don't think Duncan and Jean really met after that.

Well, looking forward to seeing how it works out.

Nice chapter. I've been waiting for it for quite a while. I was looking forward to how you would resolve the Amanda/Kurt issue. That was my chief concern after reading the previous chapter. I'm glad you made an effort to make it fit within the context of the series. It really wasn't clear what happened with Kurt and Amanda in the show so I can't see why this wouldn't work. However, I still find it somewhat off that Kurt and Amanda would just break up so unceremoniously. Especially given how their relationship was developed in the show. But that's just me being fond of how their relationship was established I guess. It was still an enjoyable chapter. The valley girl perspective was a little messy at times, but since it's being told from Kitty's perspective and that's how she was portrayed in the show I think it works. I think it worked much better than when you did Rahne's accent. You're very good at telling stories from a first person perspective and I applaud you for your attention to detail here. The sex scene itself was also pretty well-thought out. First times do tend to be uncomfortable and unpleasant. It seemed a little off for Kitty to not reassure him at the end, but the details themselves were nicely done so overall I think your handling of it was solid.

So who is next? You've got plenty more characters to work with and I'm definitely looking forward to seeing how you go about it. Please keep up the good work. Until next time, take care and best wishes!

MarvelMaster616

Aww, man. You are so cruel to these poor people. I was expecting the kicker to be something along the lines of them not having used contraception but.. poor Kurt.

Have to say I don't mind your reasoning about Kurt and Amanda breaking up and the set up for the sex was decent enough. But I'm really saddened that after all this, Kurt and Kitty didn't end up together. I know Kitty's with Peter in this but man, do I hope Kurt's ended up with someone, :(

I really like the method you're using here, taking time between one chapter that is sexually graphic and others that just have the girls talking. It makes the story feel more refined and it makes for nice setup. The conversations between the girls feel very real and genuine. You continue to show that you have a knack for good conversational dialog and character development. I still think the accent with Rahne was a little excessive and hard to understand at times. But she wasn't the main focus of this chapter, so that wasn't nearly as big an issue. Also, I can see you've done some research and gotten some help from my good friend, Agent G, on filling in the details for X-men Evolution. I'm glad you're paying that much attention to detail. It makes the story feel more refined.

For a while I thought you were going to set up a Kitty/Lance scene. I'm glad you didn't because I didn't really like that pairing in the show. I had a soft spot for Kitty and Kurt though. They definitely had potential. But I'm not sure about the setup here. If this takes place during Cruise Control, then that means it takes place after Kurt and Amanda got together. So if he slept with Kitty, does that mean he cheated on her? What's the story? I really hope you find a way to explain that because it would really be bad for both characters in my opinion if Kurt cheated on Amanda with Kitty. I still have high hopes that you can make this work and I look forward to seeing what you have in store. Thanks and I appreciate your support on Festival of X.

MarvelMaster616

Hmm. Kurrrty. Everybody loves Kurrty. Poor Lance never gets any action :-P

Thinking about the cruise episode I seem to recall Rogue was absent as well. Since she was still recovering from the whole 'powers went batshit crazy' thing.

I know its happens in real life but the 'x month anniversary' thing always amuses me. Does anyone know where the word 'anniversary' is derived from?

So anyway more petty bickering and hints at bad things happening to certain girls. Looking forward to the valley girl's story.