rate_review Reviews

Chapters 6&7 Very cool. :)

Chapters 7&8 while coming of very sexy felt forced your portrayal of Jean didn't really feel like ant incarnation of the Jean character I know.
I think you forgot the human factor. No matter how cerebral a person thinks of him or herself they will always give in to the animalistic nature of sex. What you did with this was just too clinical.

As for the cheating aspect: I feel that this character was lying to herself to begin with. She felt no real attachment to Duncan at all, and Duncan had no respect for Jean as a person so as far as I’m concerned he deserved no consideration what so ever.

Chapter ten: Wow that was rugh but well done.

I will say that chapter 11 is quite gripping.

Chapter one was good I enjoyd it very much. Chapter two was great.

You made only one mistake however.

“Not beyond the typical pain of virginity,” I comforted him. To help him understand my sincerity, I kissed him again, passionately this time. He responded by pushing further inside."
Right here you had her say futher insted of farther. I know that is what my brother would call nitpicky but a Royal would never make that mistake.

You had her grammer flawless until that point. Thanks for a good chapter I'm off to read three.

Chapter three & four were awsom!

Finally got around to this. i liked it. People reacted pretty much like i expected.

And we're getting jubilee's tale? I thought she wasn't sharing lol. Dang, you're still going with the dark tales. So depressing. And the running away thing well.. I guess it makes her more like her 616 counterpart. Not sure about that but I'm interested what to read what you do with it,

That ending seemed a little abrupt though.

Hey. I'm glad to see you were able to get another chapter written. After seeing your post on the forum I thought it would be longer before the next chapter came out. Anyways I liked this chapter. I thought it was good how the girls all seemed to react in different ways depending on how they each interpreted it. I do find the fact that Jubilee became a prostitute pretty strange but I won't judge until you've given more information. Keep up the great work and I'm sure the next chapter will be worth the wait regardless of how long it will take.

Glad to see another update. Your writing style is still as solid as ever. I'm always impressed with the easy readability of your stories. You tell great stories from the perspective of a character and you give just the right amount of detail. That said, this was one of my least favorite chapters. I know Danielle didn't get much screen time in X-men Evolution, but she just came off as a bit too fragile and weak here. And Bobby came off as way too much of a jerk. I think I understand what you were trying to do here. It's not easy for some women to have an orgasm. Some genuinely struggle and intercourse can be quite painful. But I think this chapter left too many details and emotions ambiguous. I'm not saying it's bad. I just think it could use a bit more tweaking to make it more compelling. But I guess that's up to you and if you say time is now a factor, I understand if you can't. I look forward to the reactions in the next chapter and as always I thank you for your support on Festival of X. Until next time, take care and best wishes.

MarvelMaster616

Oh man. You're killing me. That's terrible.

I mean Danni could make a very credible argument that she's just been raped. Since she was obviously unwilling. While the dialogue was vague enough that Bobby could also honest claim that she though had consented. Obviously there was no malice in his act. Just very poor communication.

Since this only happened very recently, I guess Danni doesn't have much cause to say 'she could be pregnant' beyond the whole unprotected sex thing right? When people say that kinda thing i usually associate it mentally with a 'i'm late' sort of scenario.

I'm guessing this story really killed the mood for the kills. We're never getting some fun light heart sex tales. :-( Can see what you said when you thought this might end up taking up the rest of the story.