rate_review Reviews

I liked this new chapter you put out, the poker game was a very good idea and something I can see Gambit using to liven things up. I liked how it played out and also I liked the other scene as you explained Emma's role in all of this as well as explain why she's doing this whole thing. Part of me wonders when her role is over how she will be when she can finally be herself with a few people.

The bit at the end with Hank was a nice little touch to show that he's not missing out lol. I also think you added a little bit more descriptions to sensations they are feeling which is very nice to help pull the reader into the experience I find.

Great work so far. I'd like to see a Bobby/Kitty or a Bobby/Betsy (a "my best friend's girl type of deal) and a Warren/Jean (and maybe Bobby).

Haven't had the opportunity until now to reply, but I now get two terrific chapters to comment on! My favorite scenes in the last two parts were Rogue/Colossus and Jubilee/Prodigy. If the characters are looking for new sexual ways to use their powers, I imagine all David has to do is read the Kama Sutra or any other book on sex and suddenly he's a pro.

As for the subject of the use of the word "ridged" (since its probably going to come up given the appearance of the word in this chapter). I think there's some seriously over the top nitpicking going on. Some cocks are vein-ier than others. Presumably, those veins are giving the cock some visual ridges. Saying something has ridges does not automatically liken it to potato chips or Klingon foreheads.

Well not much I can really say about this one, it was nice and you're starting to use different sexual experiences to keep it from getting stale. Like with Surge's body massage and the oil thing was a nice touch later on too. Although I kind of expected a few things to be brought up. I mean how would Amara and Havok feel about fucking teenagers who technically aren't even legal? Not to mention is it different for them? Such as say for Havok how has it been different feeling of Surge than Lorana for instance? Like say because she's smaller would he go all the way in or something like that. Or how would Hellion feel about how an adult woman's body feels for instance?

Little things like that can help pull you into the experience more I think.

Well for ideas I guess you might have couple swaps eventually like say Lorana and Jean fucking the other brother so like Lorana/Scott and Jean/Havok but I know you've done this before but you can still do something like that. Maybe a few want to try a little competitions on who does what better.

Nice set of scene, MM. Exploring some interesting stuff. Though the heavy use of the new mutants on this one does mean I don't really know who half the characters are. But you give enough detail about them that it doesn't really become a problem.

Surge was particular good. Nice to see some people's powers being a hindrance as well as a help from time to time. While not being so severe you have to write it out. Like Rogue.

I enjoyed most of Ch. 3, which was pretty amusing. The Piotr/Rogue scene was actually funny to me for some reason - I guess I was imagining the sounds of screeching metal on metal while they were screwing. I think it would've been HILARIOUS if they'd gotten stuck (motor oil was invented for a reason!).

I like how you wrote Kurt in this chapter - I felt like it was a very real reaction that someone with strong religious beliefs might have if thrust into this situation. I'm normally a huge Kurtty fan, but I didn't really like how you wrote Kitty in this chapter. Her responses to Kurt seemed like mocking to me, and that really rubbed me the wrong way. However, it did give me some ideas of my own for the next time I write Kurtty.

Time for the nitpicking: It's "rigid" not "ridged." "Ridged" means "having ridges", like Klingon foreheads. If one's penis is "ridged," the woman's only response is gonna be "Ow, there's no way I'm letting you put that thing inside me." Since you've used "ridged" so consistently, the easy fix would be to go through all your stories and Find-Replace All.

Speaking of, fur on the dick probably wouldn't feel good inside either - probably more like getting an eyelash in your eye, x100 or so.

well chapter 3 wasn't too bad, for a moment I forgot about Elixir was in this and I had to go back an check up on who was here from the rewrite of the first chapter. It is interesting seeing some of them trying things out and you exploring what they can do with their powers. Maybe for Kurt's tail try using it like another hand for more caressing and fondling for instance.

The only mistake was that you had Rogue's powers work on Piotr when he was in metal form, she could actually touch him in that form without hurting him because it wasn't skin to skin contact (I remember seeing that bit in the comics) I know they did it in Evo but that was still wrong of them. But other set ups like with Josh and Laura were done well. Although are they all just walking around naked at the moment all the time? Not even a robe (roman styled) or something because I would think even how this started it might take a bit of time getting used to it?. Well not Storm of course as she is comfortable with her body.

I'm now wondering what else you'll have, part of me wants to see a Dani/Josh scene mainly say have a scene with them as she apologies for abandoning him when she became his legal guardian so quickly after her powers were gone. She knew that his parents did the same and I never agreed with that as it was a major bitch move to do and irresponsible in a way. So maybe some 'make up sex' could lead into it as well.

I also wonder for some threeways might happen, for instance Scott with Jean/Emma or even Betty as all telepaths had something for him. Logan with Kitty/Jubilee given he's had both as jailbait sidekicks. That's another thing how will older members feel if they start screwing some of the less than legal teammates like Jubilee? I remember a lot of Iceman/Jubilee stuff around at one point being posted on the net for instance.

I seem to recall they've changed their minds on that subject in the comics, themselves, Agent G. Some writers say 'it's metal therefore her powers don't work' some say 'it's organic steel and organic means her powers work' So really it depends on who's writing.

Pretty good chapter, MM. I found Rogue and Collossus' interaction quite fun. I'm amused at the description of the noise they made and their red hot crotches afterwards. I wonder what would happen if they depowered in that condition?

And that Kurtty scene was remarkably sweet. It's nice you acknowledged his religious nature but you might have gone a little over the top with talk about it once the action had started.

As promised, here's my review of what you've got so far: It's not bad. You mentioned the other stories that influenced this one in your AN, and I can definitely see the influences. Your writing also reminds me of a lot of slickboy444's work, especially "Laying to Rest" with your second chapter here. I'm not saying it's bad or that I didn't like it; I am saying that, unfortunately, I feel like I've read this story before.

I was a little disturbed by the fact that most of them were drugged more or less against their will. I know you're just writing PWP and all - and maybe I've just lost my taste for it - but the surprise aphrodisiac thing just seemed kinda... I dunno... wrong. Like, ethically or morally. I expected someone among the myriad cast members to object, though I guess I shouldn't have. I ended up skimming chapter 2, mostly b/c I wasn't super-interested in the pairings (esp. Logan/Jean, but that's my personal detest for Wolverine - him + ANYONE I tend to skip). I did enjoy Scott/Betsy and Bobby/Lorna, though.

I hate to come down so negatively on this, especially since you've been so supportive of my works, but I also feel like I have a duty to be honest with you about this story.

Wonderful set of scenes. The ones with Psylocke and Boom-Boom were my favorites. Seeing them take a load on their face and get a hard one up the ass (respectively) is both super-hot and plausible for them. Well done and looking to see which pairings and what they'll do next.

Though I had doubts about this all taking place in a single night (mainly due to it implying the sex is really quick), soreness is not something I'd expect to be a factor. These ARE the X-Men after all. They go through a lot more strenuous activity in their lives than something as simple as boning one another.