schedule
March 7, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Outstanding story. Love learn so much about her culture. Hank is so smitten. LOL I sincerely hope you will continue your story. Good work.
schedule
December 29, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This is a cute story so far, and your characterizations of the X-Men are fairly good. I'd like to see more rounding of Kady's character -- right now she's pretty two-dimensional. Giving her some real flaws would help; she's a incredible self-taught singer and an amazing cook and a morning person and she's moving towards a relationship with Beast (that hussy! He clearly belongs to me! *wink*) so she's coming off a touch too perfect. I know that you implied a sex-for-job transaction (as a flaw?), but she's not wounded by it and is entirely too matter-of-fact about the whole destruction of her life thing.
The biggest weakness of Mutants at the Opera is the use of present tense. In fiction, present tense is rarely used because it has the effect of removing the reader from the moment. I know, it's odd because authors intend to bring the reader in closer by its use, but it has the opposite effect. Past tense, if only because it's what readers are used to reading, is more transparent to the reader and s/he ends up feeling closer to the story itself.
Keep up the good work, and maybe experiment with past tense and see what you think of the results!
As ever, I am a object in the Muse's hand:
Kalliope's Pen
The biggest weakness of Mutants at the Opera is the use of present tense. In fiction, present tense is rarely used because it has the effect of removing the reader from the moment. I know, it's odd because authors intend to bring the reader in closer by its use, but it has the opposite effect. Past tense, if only because it's what readers are used to reading, is more transparent to the reader and s/he ends up feeling closer to the story itself.
Keep up the good work, and maybe experiment with past tense and see what you think of the results!
As ever, I am a object in the Muse's hand:
Kalliope's Pen