rate_review Reviews

I don't think it matters where in time she is considering this fic has an AU label on it. I really have no comments or advice, Pink Jellybean. Your first chapter was pretty good and I hope you write more.

Not bad for a first time. Better than lots of X-Men: Evolution fan fictions I've read. A word to the wise, though: Make sure you're OC doesn't turn out omnipotent. That gets really irritating sometimes. Never forget, the X-Men are the elite. Even if your character, Leena, is powerful, Storm's a "goddess" and Jean Grey will be the all-powerful Phoenix. These people have been trained by the best. Someone like Leena probably never had that advantage. I'm just pointing this out, because often times when you make a character too powerful, readers get clingy. As in, "how can he/she be more powerful than my darling [insert character name]?!". Another thing, make sure to keep the characters in-character. Like Rogue or Wolverine or Storm shouldn't fear Leena.

I know it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm just saying, some things don't turn out very well when you start playing with OC's.

And couplings? Well, Leena already seems to connected to Nightcrawler, so that might be a good one. They play off of eachother rather well, and I really haven't seen a lot. And then there's the standard romances, like Scott/Jean. Or Kitty/Lance, but Kitty/Piotr might be better, so Piotr has a chance to be around. I can already see Colossus reminicing about Illyana when he sees Leena. I can also see both him and Leena developing a bond. Any other romances? Well, there's my favorite: Remy/Gambit and Rogue. My absolute favorite coupling, and if you put them in there, there's a good chance I'll keep reading (I'm very forgetful, and I often can't remember to catch up on fan fictions). To tell you the truth, I don't read fan fics without Romy, so yeah.

Something I see in your fic that stands out is the realistic dialogue. I suggest keeping that up, since it really adds to the characters personality and realism.

I really hope to see more of this fic, and keep up the good work, it looks promising!

Oh, and where exactly are you? Time-wise I mean. Is this post-Apocalypse or pre?

Good first chapter. Keep on goin' X3

Are you blind, buddy? She does have an OC "warning" on the story. I have no complaints or suggestions so far. This was a good start X3

I take it she's an OC (Original Character) right? Might want to put that down somewhere. Also this was an interesting start, but one point is that it's EXTREMELY rare for mutant powers to show up at that young an age, I'm talking like 1 in a million so keep that in mind for further characters you make.