AFF Fiction Portal
person Loreley
schedule February 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
For CH2
First of all, this story has a plot AND a touch of sex so far, congrats to you. Rare is the writer who can balance the two (I sure know I can't!). I enjoy Matilda's thoughts, they are humorous and in tune with the characters, but also detached. It's a fun perspective. Something really needs to be done about Scott, Jean needs to soften him up a bit (I know she's high handed, but she is a woman, after all). Matilda's thoughts on Scott were close to my own opinion of him. Good leader, but far too uptight! You do a good job of staying true to the nature of the characters: Remy's rebellious and headstrong streak, Rogue's deliberate distance, Kitty's kind yet volatile ways, and Kurt's humor and blind adoration of Kitty. Nicely done. And it's also fun to see how Matilda can pull their strings and have them react to her suggestions. I wonder how much command she actually has, what all she could convince them to do...? Her sense of humor is wicked, love it. I almost laughed my ass off when she wondered what movie Remy would pick and hoped it wasn't Showgirls. I was surprised Kitty danced for Kurt, that just proves how much she trusts him. And once again: something needs to be done about SCOTT! Altough I have to admit it was funny reading his disappointment over the secret Kurt had to tell him, I think he expected to hear that Kitty HAD given him a lap dance. The gossip spreading bit was great, too, that's about how fast the stuff seems to fly around when someone's got juicy news. I had hoped Remy would lay one on Rogue, but I'm sure that'll happen eventually. I can be patient...I almost died when Jamie asked Kitty what a strip tease was, and she can belly dance? That's cool! The dreams they had were interesting, especially Kurt's, poor tormented soul. What on earth does Matilda have in mind for them? Passion fruit?? And does the good Professor know she's there???
person Loreley
schedule February 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
For CH3
First, in response to your note, I love Matilda. She's noticeable but not overpowering, like a good narrator ought to be, and she brings her own sense of humor and views to the story.
As for the chapter:
Poor boys, both of them are getting spurned, although in Kurt's case he sort of deserved it since he did violate Kitty's trust. I don't recall an explicit agreement for silence, but hell, she stopped when she first saw him watching her, that certainly implies she wouldn't want everyone else to know! Whe Kurt first went into the kitchen, I thought the awkwardness was great, especially with Rogue trying to disappear into the background. Matilda's little side notes were hilarious. I love how when Kitty is mad at Kurt, she can't bring herself to be completely mean to him or to ignore him. Can you say crush, at the very least? When Remy burst in with that whole "highlight of Kurt's life" bit on Kurt's behalf, I laughed until my stomach hurt. The wonderful timing of a handsome (but sometimes brainless) man...just priceless. And as for Rogue, when Kitty started describing what the other girl had been doing in her sleep and Rogue shamelessly switched the topic back to Kurt's blunder, that was so sneaky, and great! And Kurt is so willing to grovel for Kitty when he's normally so strong and self reliant about everything else, I just love him (swoons). It was also sweet of Remy to aprroach Rogue with caution...well, as much as he could be expected to use. Of course she had to bring up the 'friends' line, as if that'll work when they both want each other! I have to admit, for 5 seconds the fruit thing was confusing, how they all touched it but never actually ate it, until the other people showed up to eat the fruit and everything beCAME clear. The sspontaneous comustion and release scenes were great: naughty, fun and yummy all at once. Very sexy. Kitty's thoughts on Kurt's angelic eyes were sweet, if he knew what she thought of them he'd just die of joy I'm sure. Rogue seems to have an equal infatuation with Remy's eyes. The part where both girls couldn't resist looking at their boys' johnsons and then having the same thought was funny, I know I'd have to look if I had the chance! I have to reiterate about Matilda's humor: wicked! Especially during the 'release' scenes. Old faithful...(grins). Rogue's thoughts were poignant as always, I hope she gets to be happy in this story! When both couples got caught, I was sure they'd be dead! I laughed at how Kitty was straddling Kurt when Tabitha came in and said it wasn't what it looked like. Truth can be hilarious at times. And as for Scott, he must be punished! (chases Scott around with a whip) I was taken aback when Remy told Rogue that Scott has a thing for her, but it wouldn't completeley surprise me, though I'm well aware he loves Jean. Just another reason for the two men to dislike each other. The mock trial was great, I don't know what was funnier: when Wolverine was describing what he did and didn't smell in their rooms, or when Charles had a difficult time even admitting something sexual had occurred! Classic. And when the two girls went to their room to pack and ended up spilling their guts to each other, wouldn't the guys just die if they heard what the girls were discussing? That, or they'd get swelled heads (of a different kind) and strut around like insufferable asses. Anyway, Matilda's walking a fine line, everyone's getting suspicious and I wonder how long it'll be before Professor X catches her...Update soon!
person IvyZoe
schedule February 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OMG!!!
This chapter had me rolling on the floor laughing! I loved it!
I can't believe that that happened to poor Rogue and kitty! I don't feel so bad for the boys because, well, their boys....it's not the same.
I really hope that Rogue opens up to Remy soon. One question though....if Rogue found all those condoms in his wallet, and all those phone numbers then obviously he is going around with other women. Is he going to explain that to her...because it is kinda wrong for him to do that, especially if he claims that he wants Rogue and Rogue only!
Other than that I really loved it! Update soon!
person Anastasia
schedule February 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU UPDATED!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! Matilda is great!!! I have always hated original characters, but Matilda is WICKED! The only OC I´ll probably ever like. In a scence she is there but not really there but... she´s there.....so she isn´t disrupting but she is....She´s in the fic but not really.....(I am totally not getting the point to you....) What I´m trying to say is that she is written perfectly.

I love the Romy!!!! the Kurtty is great too! I swear in this chapter you got me sad at the little fit wit Rogue and Remy, almost falling of the chair from laughter and blushing at the obvious!! I LOVE THIS FIC!!! It´s the best!!!!!! I hope to see more soon!! The mixture of sex and plot is great!!!

Lot´s of hugs, take care!!!
person WitchKing
schedule February 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Well Hot dam!! You did it again. A great chapter. I still love how the Matilda character plays them all like puppets on strings. Keep up the great story. Oh by the way the steaming hot sex is great too. Hope to read more of your story soon.
person jason weaver
schedule February 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I just wanted to let you know that I am enjoying your story immenselyand hope that you will continue it. I also really think Matilda is an excellent character yours truly, jason weaver
person Anastasia
schedule February 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
BUENISIMO!!!! ESPECTACULAR!!!!! THIS IS REALLY GOOD!!! i CAN´T WAIT TILL YOU UPDATE!!!
person WitchKing
schedule January 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I am very pleased to say that your work is great! Some of the best stuff I have read here at Adult fan fiction. Most stories are of the more sex less plot kind. But you tell a great story and keeps the action going. I can't wait to read more of this story. Keep up the great work.